Mouthwashing Puns

A list of puns related to "Mouthwashing"

For those hoarding mouthwash: Remember that you should never flush Listerine® down the toilet.

It's an anti-septic.

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👤︎ u/PotBuzz
📅︎ Mar 19 2020
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Today I walked in on my wife taking a bath in a tub full of mouthwash

I caught her in the act

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👤︎ u/Enderdidnothingwrong
📅︎ Aug 01 2018
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In 1925, the courts ruled on whether primates can use mouthwash.

It was during the Scope monkey trial.

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👤︎ u/wmyspr
📅︎ Apr 20 2019
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The project management office tried to open a pharmacy but went out of business due to poor sales of mouthwash.

They were out of SCOPE.

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👤︎ u/greg_zielinski
📅︎ Mar 16 2018
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Dad bought me some new mouthwash...

"Don't drink it, it's alcohol-free!"

welp thanks for the tip, wise guy.

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👤︎ u/r3sal
📅︎ Jan 04 2015
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I spilled my mouthwash all over the place and nobody cares...

I guess they just don't understand the Scope of the situation..

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👤︎ u/Jomajorsh
📅︎ Aug 21 2016
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How will you say a person that his breath stinks without hurting his feelings

I am bored let's drink mouthwash.

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👤︎ u/Kakashi_hatake_2903
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Sep 22 2019
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

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👤︎ u/Gnolaum
📅︎ Oct 31 2014
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