I snuck downstairs to make pancakes at midnight last night
It took a couple hours and I didnβt want to wake anyone going back up. I stuck some pancakes to my feet and crepΓ¨d back up the stairs.
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︎ Aug 26 2022
So my daughter went on her 1st date.. I say to the young man "I WANT HER HOME BY MIDNIGHT
He Replies: But Sir Don't You Already Own Her House
Dum Dum Tssss
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︎ Jun 03 2022
My uncle was born right at midnight, and he died right at midnight.
He lived every day to the fullest.
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︎ Jul 17 2022
Iβve always been surprised that Pride Month isnβt in September
After all, Pride cometh before the Fall
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︎ Jun 30 2022
Ugh, as soon as it strikes midnight on Saturday I start to feel sick.
It must be my weekend immune system.
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︎ May 07 2022
I stayed up well past midnight shouting the magic words to turn myself into a pony
It only worked partially. I woke up this morning, and now my throatβs a little hoarse!
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︎ May 16 2022
Did you know that God spoke to Luke the Evangelist to write the Gospel at midnight?
Luke asked "Who's there?"
God: "Luke, I am your Father."
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︎ Apr 29 2022
I'm encountering some wrinkles while doing my taxes and have to smooth them out fast before midnight.
I'm glad I have TurBotox.
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︎ Apr 18 2022
Remember to poop before midnight tomorrow.
You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the next year
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︎ Dec 30 2021
Did you hear about the celery they arrested the other day?
Apparently, it was charged with stalking.
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︎ Jun 15 2022
Before the clock strikes midnight, make sure you are lifting up your left leg.
That way, you start the year off on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2021
What did one cow say to another cow at midnight on New Years eve?
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︎ Jan 25 2022
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
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︎ Sep 16 2020
It doesn't matter if you're tall or short, thin or fat, rich or poor, at the end of the day...
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︎ Jun 08 2022
It's two minutes past midnight on January the 1st and I just stubbed my toe
Worst year of my life so far
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︎ Jan 02 2022
My teenage son wants me to start paying him to do his homework, clean his room, and come home before midnight.
But I donβt see why I should pay him for being good. When I was his age I was good for nothing!
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︎ Dec 03 2021
Am I stupid for taking the wrong train and reaching somewhere far from my destination and not even realizing?
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︎ May 23 2022
I was struggling to understand why I sometimes dislike the color of my house.
Usually it's this very nice dark blue shade around midnight. But yesterday I came home for lunch and I was disgusted by it, so I took some pictures and the difference was night and day.
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︎ Aug 26 2022
At the strike of midnight tonight the Alphabet is going to change.......
Because there is NOEL.
Merry Christmas everyone.
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︎ Dec 25 2021
Always be aware of your surroundings. Even on your midnight toilet trips.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
I told a joke about midnight, but nobody laughed.
.
I guess they just donβt like dark humor.
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︎ Oct 22 2021
What do you call a midnight coffee craving?
Latte (β Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)β
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︎ Sep 06 2021
Is Swedish 1970's pop music any good?
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︎ May 27 2022
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 and the clock struck midnight...
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︎ Aug 11 2018
I took out my contact lenses at midnight.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
At midnight it will officially be Ramones time.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
My shift at work ends at midnight, but I'm a night owl so I find staying up late easy...
...I could stay up until midnight with my eyes closed.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Every dad going to bed after midnight:
Come on, honey. We haven't done it all year!
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Don't kiss after midnight
It's not proper to kiss on a first date!
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︎ Dec 31 2019
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...
First I was afraid, I was petrified.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
Her Dad: I want her home before midnight.
Me: But you already own her home.
Let the comments complete this story lol.
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︎ Dec 27 2019
My husband was so proud of this one yesterday...
If you start pooping at 11:59PM and don't finish until after midnight, that's the.... same shit, different day.
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︎ Jul 14 2021
Remember to poop before midnight tomorrow.
You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the next year.
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︎ Jan 01 2022
Right before the clock strikes midnight on the 31st...
Make sure to raise your left leg, that way you'll start the year off on ther right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2021
Everyone, remember to lift your left leg at midnight
So that we can all start the new year on the right foot
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︎ Dec 31 2021
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What Happens If You Are Sitting on the Toilet at 11:59 and the Clock Strikes Midnight?
Same shit, different day.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59PM and the clock struck midnight
I thought, βsame shit, different dayβ.
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︎ Sep 01 2018
I was sitting on the toilet having a poop when the clock struck midnight
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Just before midnight tonight, Iβll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 30 2020
[first date] her dad : I want her home before midnight
Me : but you already own her house
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Make sure you raise your left leg at midnight tonight guys.
Letβs start the new year off on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Don't kiss after midnight, folks
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
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︎ Dec 31 2020
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