A Roman man walks into a bar and extends his index and middle fingers and says...

"I'll have 5 beers please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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you know... i’ve always hated my middle and index finger...

but i’m okay now, i’ve made peace with them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RollyPollyOli
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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The other day a cadmium brick fell onto my two middle fingers.

It was heavy metal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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What do you call a injured middle finger

A bruised opinion you want to show your boss every day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cooconbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.

I can always count on them.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerinstinct101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joke_Number_Bot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Big shout out to my fingers!

I can always count on them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sigurlion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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A joke I made just before a test in math

I turned to a friend next to me: "Will you tell me the answers if I don't know something?"

"No."

"I was counting on you. Now I have to use my hands."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICameHereToRead
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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Looking for a new pun tat

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drippinsteezsam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Sign Language dadjoke! (is this a first?)

So my wife is learning sign language in college and will come home excited about all the stuff she has learned and will try to teach me. The only thing I've retained so far is yes and no. So when I ask her something that she wants to say no to, she'll sign it (thumb, index, and middle finger spread out, and then closing, like squishing a bug). I'll reply to this with just the opposite, opening those three fingers. That is not the correct sign for yes, the correct sign is like knocking on a door. Well when she does that to correct me, I yell "Who's there?!"

She's going to divorce, I just know it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_name_is_Camp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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Calvin's Father is my role model

I totally believe in parenting similar to Calvin's father. As such, when my 6 year old son came to me and asked me why his index finger was shorter than his middle, I rationally explained to him that it had to be shorter because he'd poke his brain when he picked his nose.

It's been 3 weeks and he still believes me. :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidTigerFan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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