Max B Puns

Max Payne Puns

Minecraft puns

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”

He has always been an anti climb Max.

Max turns and says, " Miss Stakes, we're made"

Under the current guidelines your milkshake is only permitted to bring 9 boys to the yard, max.

Fiat Fullback, Nissan Navara, Toyota Hilux, Volkswagen Amarok, Isuzu D Max, Ssangyong Musso

Max Verslappen

She got a Golden Retreiver

And that look.....that's the look we all know and love. A truly well executed dad joke.

Just pretext: "un œuf" in french means "an/one egg".

French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?

Response: Because one egg is un œuf. (sounds similar to enough)

It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.

Picture from the game

I don't have any kids, but I think this was pretty dad-like:

We usually scream at max volume when we play, but our other roommate was sleeping so we had to stay pretty quiet.

It was my Kung Lao and Kano vs his Smoke and Sonya.

I swept him clean, 3-0, and he gave the excuse, "It was because I couldn't get loud."

I told him, "Oh, but you did get loud... KUNG LAO'D!"

He groaned, I basked in the glory.

It is a close to new, 50” 4K flatscreen, and a woman comes up and asks him “What’s wrong with this TV, to only be selling it for a dollar?”

The man tells her “Well, there’s nothing wrong with the picture, or anything like that, but the volume is stuck on max, and you can’t change it at all. So are you interested in buying it for a dollar?”

She says “Well, you can’t turn that down”.

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

Which is bullshit! I had, like, six crows, max!

So leaving the resteraunt today, I noticed I had parked next to a nearly identical truck to mine. The only discernable difference being a Christian "fish" decal on the back of the other truck. As my teen son began to walk toward the stranger's truck, my youngest said "Max, that's the wrong truck." To which Max replied "Yeah. I thought there was something fishy about it."

I have raised them well.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

“So as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

“Please, call me Max”

“Alright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

“No that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, “I’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

• Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

• Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

• Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

• Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

• Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

• Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

• Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

• Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

• Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

• Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

• Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

• Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

• Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

• Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

• Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

• Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

• Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

• Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

• Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

• Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

• Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

• Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

• Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

• Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

• Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

On mobile sorry if errors. Context: I work in a bar. We hired a new girl, she came in right before it got busy. After two hours worked working together..

Me: "Sorry I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself. I'm Max by the way....but that's not my real last nMe"

Her:"Hi, I'm Gabbi, wait, what?"

Me:"nevermind"

"Of course they do, sweetheart," I replied, "When Max was a puppy he wanted to grow up to play shortstop for the New York Yankees!"

60" TV for sale - only $1! Why so cheap, you may ask? Well the volume is stuck at max, but that's a very minor inconvenience for an otherwise perfectly beautiful television. Jump on this deal quick! You can't turn it down!

Because Max Factor

"Don't use the max setting on the stove ventilator." "Why not?" "The pancakes get stuck in the filter."

You can tell he's proud.

I told him, "No, sorry, we're at max catacity!" without realizing what I was saying. Everyone else groaned but I laughed until my stomach hurt. :(

"And I'll need a few shirts."

"You'll only need two shirts max."

"But I'm not Max, I'm Tom!"

https://i.reddituploads.com/44eb2dd5c0dc46278edbe7e6366eb8e7?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=467b8dd3adb448a3795d78348f23a3f5