> Fulgrim smiled beatifically, and in that moment, Fabius saw the ghost of the true Phoenician in him. Not the hero of lost Chemos, but the arrogant creature who had been so easily seduced by false promises. The monster that valued his own perfection, over the lives of his sons.
In Clonelord Fabius gives up Clonegrim to Trayzn under the belief that this newly reborn Fulgrim, uncorrupted but also featuring that special Primarch Aura, will inevitably follow the same path to corruption. But if this was a truly destined fall that would repeat itself, Slaanesh would never tolerate Fabius giving away another potential Daemon Fulgrim. Indeed if the corruption was indeed inevitable, putting Clonegrim into permanent museum stasis is actually the best outcome for The Imperium by denying another daemon primarch. Slaanesh would never let Fabius throw this away. What Slaanesh manipulates Fabius to do is what gives away what Slaanesh knows about the situation. A Clonegrim damned to retread the path to excess being set loose on the world would be perfect for Slaanesh, but an uncorrupted Fulgrim would be a substantial threat to some of Slaaneshs best toys.
Fabius is one of Slaaneshs most favorite devotees who, despite his own rejection of the idea, worships Slaanesh through his obsession with creating his New Men. Fabius believes that he does not serve Slaanesh, he works only to do anything required to perfect his “children”, and once done he would be turning the tables on chaos. But of course he can never quite reach that perfection, the Slaaneshi pursuit of excess, and so he is caught in and endless loop of Slaanesh using the idea of his New Mens future to keep Fabius serving Slaaneshs interests.
So Fabius initially wasnt going to give Fulgrim to Trayzn, he started raising Fulgrim with the hope for the return of the uncorrupted primarch. Indeed the 3rd legion marines that meet Fulgrim weep and beg for forgiveness for all their transgressions, pledging the return to him and the Imperium. Even Fabius feels the overwhelming pull to follow this new Fulgrim in his mission to redeem the Emperors Children.
>Fulgrim looked at Fabius. ‘The gene-tithe, Fabius,’ he said. ‘Is it safe?’ His eyes blazed with new strength, new awareness. As if the truth of him had been restored in battle. Fabius felt the weight of that gaze. And he cursed the part of himself that responded. ‘It is,’ he said, his voice a hoarse rasp. He felt as if he were standing on the edge of so
... keep reading on reddit ➡(I Promise this is the end of 'Award')
#Alien-Nation Chapter 78 (Award IV)
Amilita led me from the bathrooms, back outside to where the catering was, and true to our prediction, the cameras followed closely, bobbing along as we walked down the front stairs together.
“So what now?”
She said a word I didn’t recognize, not even looking down at me, instead forward as we strode past where the cameras were waiting, and back out into the sun.
“Sorry, what was that word?” I asked politely.
“I’m told it’s like your version of ‘Smile and wave’,” Amilita supplied, stopping at last once we were on the steps, looking out over the enormous grass lawn and the afternoon’s proceedings. I made a quick note that the table of books had been completely picked through. “I think Natalie just ate too much and got nervous. She doesn’t have the…” The Officer searched for words before settling on: “...the toughest constitution. I’m sure she will be fine.”
I forced myself to calm down, and gazed down at my new omni-pad. I wanted nothing more than to run back to the bathroom, to hell with everything else, but… it was kind of true. I wanted to point out how she’d trucked Jordan way back at the track party, but it was true that she was absolutely dwarfed by almost every other Shil’ in attendance. Was she naturally given to panic? How much did I really know about her?
I felt a little warmth in my chest, remembering how she’d held me at the covered bridge.
I know enough.
I spoke the words ‘translate Smile and Wave’ in English into my omni-pad, holding down a button to activate the microphone. I watched it automatically pull up its ‘translation’ feature, and the device pulse in its bright, rainbow colors from the center. The information came up much faster than on the one I’d been given by Talay, and even more impressive, the translation was fully nuanced, rather than a direct series of translations of ‘smile’ ‘and’ ‘wave.’ The middle framed a phonetic sounding for me, with all the little nitty-gritty details of the word’s etymology underneath. This was all way, way more information than I’d had access to before.
I experimentally tried the word out silently a few
... keep reading on reddit ➡I hope that this post doesn't go against any of the subreddit rules but I wished to share some of the book's lore sections since it was only 5 pages long and I know some people here were most likely curious about its fluff.
- - - - - - -
>It was only chance that saw the Cult of the Pauper Princes discovered on Terra. In an age when Humanity suffered one disaster after another, the detection of this latest peril was a blessing from the Emperor. An underhive stimm-deal gone sour triggered a violent turf war between rival gangs in the depths of the Arcology Veracitum nepglis. When the local Adeptus Arbites forces responded to the escalating violence, their quarry retreated into the long-disused mag-transit network dug into the arcology's foundations. It was a transgression neither the fleeing gangers nor the majority of those who pursed them would live to rue.
>
>From out of the subterranean gloom spilled degenerate xenocultists in their hundreds.
++After the GSC attack is triggered and a majority of the witnesses are slaughtered, a single Arbiter squad manages to escape with a Repressor long enough to send out a distress signal as well vid-feeds of the disaster to their precint-fortress 10 levels up before they all get slaughtered.++
>The transmission was enough to trip mutliple datasnoops, seeded into the Terran cogitational architecture by the the agents of the Inquistion. Even before the precint's senior Judge had time to assess the threat and decide upon a course of action, the other Imperial agents were moving.
>
>Humanity's throne world does not house the same kind of defensive garrisons boasted by many more far-flung planets. The Sol System, is, of course, massively garrisoned and fortified against threats from without. Yet to even voice aloud the suggestion that corruption could lurk within the shadow of the Emperor's throne is considered heresy by many. Coupled with hide-bound tradition, and a fear of betrayal whose source is lost beneath the dust of millenia, this notion has long made complex the raising or stationing of Astra Militarum soldiery upon Terran soil. Even the Imperial Fist Space marines Chapter, who have single honor of recruiting from the throneworld, restrict their presence largely to the Phalanx
>
>For all this, Terra is far from defenseless. It is in the nature of the Imperium to accrue layer upon layer of outdated strictures and contradictory bureaucracy. Those who coordinate its
As a fan of the mainline series as well as many of the spin-offs that have been put out by the community, I thought I’d throw my hat into the ring. A thank you to BlueFishCakes, for creating the world and allowing us to play around in it; to the many wordsmiths of the community for the inspiration and enjoyment I’ve derived; and to any and all who take the time to read what I have to write. I hope to make it worth your while.
———————————————————————
Nicholas checked his phone one last time before sighing and putting it away. Not that he needed to check it in the first place; the text message she sent him last night burned into his mind the moment he read it.
“Meet me at the bridge in Greenough at three tomorrow.”
Short, curt, to the point. Unlike her. She must not have wanted to do this either, but if she was bothering to text Nick at all, it must have been important. And so he stood, leaned over the wooden railing of the bridge as he listed to the water flow beneath. The occasional passerby traversed the bridge, unaware of the dread and trepidation emanating from the recent high school graduate as they carried on with their day.
Eventually, Nick spotted the brown-haired object of his dread walking anxiously towards him. He turned towards her.
“You aren’t supposed to be here for another twenty minutes, Victoria.”
“I could say the same to you, Nikki. How long have you been here?”
“Forty minutes, give or take. Also stop calling me Nikki, we aren’t toge- We aren’t kids anymore. Call me Nick or Nicholas.”
“Seriously? I know you’re mad at me, you have every right to be, but I’ve called you that since we were kids. You can’t really expect me to switch it up now.”
A listless chuckle escaped Nick’s lips before he replied.
“To be fair, I hadn’t expected we’d be speaking again in the first place.”
Victoria sighed before she conceded.
“Fine, Nick. Why are you here so early?”
Nick turned back to lean over the railing again, a pause before he deigned to answer.
“It gives me a reason to stay out of the house.”
Victoria gave a pensive gaze, first to Nicholas, then to the water below them as she too leaned over the bridge. Eventually, she broke the silence.
“My parents told me what happened. Sarah withdrew your application from University of Maryland, and your mom and her husband didn’t do
... keep reading on reddit ➡It was the period after lunch, senior year. Trigonometry, my least favorite subject, with Mr. Cunningham. I wasn’t paying attention, as I often didn’t, which might have been part of the problem. But I’ve never had a head for numbers, anyway.
Instead I was playing with Angie’s legs again. She had Nice legs. She sat directly behind me by design. The desks were pretty close together, it being a large class, and if I leaned back and reached back my arms, I could leisurely caress their loveliness.
A sharp kick from her to the back of my chair, and I turned my head to look at her with a smile.
“Pervert!” she admonished. But she was laughing as she said it. It was an old game between us. She was one of my closest friends.
Maybe a little too loud. Mr. C paused in what he was saying and looked exasperatedly our way: “You two!” It was a warning, but I could see that he was trying to hide a smile. He’d several times threatened to separate us, but he never did.
And, good lord, that smile! It would beam at you full wattage.
And she was Always smiling, with laughter ever peeking around the corner of it, needing little encouragement to step out and make itself known. To this day perhaps the most genuinely Happy person I’ve ever known.
I could always make her smile. And she returned the favor tenfold. She had a way of cheering me up on my dark days. Sometimes with just her patient, quiet, understanding presence. Sometimes with just a tender touch to my arm or by taking my hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. And I Had dark days even then.
The upper incisor on the right side of her mouth was just a little crooked. It fascinated me, and served only to increase her considerable loveliness. One tiny flaw can often emphasize the near perfection of the rest.
I turned back to the front among some eye-rolling, and a few scattered titters from the rest. They were used to us.
Someone nearby hissed quietly “For chrissake get a room!” I found that funny, and suppressed a laugh. We weren’t that.
And I had another problem with that particular class:
A loud “boom!”, and I jerked upright in my chair in shocked surprise: “Sonofabitch!”
“You’ll watch your language in my class, young man!”
There was general laughter now. They’d all been waiting and watching, I knew. And I immediately knew what had happened. This was as common an occurrence as my groping of the pair of lovely legs belonging to my friend.
... keep reading on reddit ➡Author's forward.
Here, as I said, is the mega chapter. It is much much longer than what you have read before. This is because all of the actions are happening basically concurrently and I didn't want to break up the continuity. Individual scenes are delineated by use of a "=============" to show that the scene is changing to another location and set of characters. Please let me know if you like that. As always comments are golden be they good, bad, ugly or fugly and thank you very much for reading.
====================================
[When paths collide] Chapter 24
Admiral Tanya Soong watched the system plot from her flag bridge on board the Valhalla. The first two of the Dilgreshi warships had transited into the system and were advancing slowly from the warp point.
“Have the fleet confirm condition one readiness; all slip drives should be fully spun up, initial coordinates should be behind the 3rd planet, on this vector and attitude.” She keyed the information for transmission. “Rally points Alpha, Bravo and Charlie should be plotted at all times. We don’t yet know which we will actually use.” She thought to herself, “Anything but Charlie.”
The fleet’s plan was to draw out the Dilgresh on a course towards planet 3 and keep their attention away from the colony world and the already beleaguered colonists and the crew of the downed harvester. Polyranth’s ship and its mate were currently landed on the far side of the planet, not visible yet, to the Dilgreshi sensors. The Charlie rally point would simply put the fleet between the Dilgresh and the Colony. It would largely negate their FTL advantage if it had to be used. She wished they had more time to install the Empire upgrades to the fleet, they had only managed to get the translation programs on all ships. The inertial dampeners had only been installed on the Hermes, Loki and the Valhalla herself with her fighters. Only the Loki had the newly upgraded fusion core that, in theory, could carry one of their ships across a warp point, but that was untested. The progress was even worse on the Empire ships. Neither had gotten slip upgrades, for that matter, it was uncertain if using the Higgs compensators to reduce the mass of the ship would be enough to let the slip not be fatal to the enormous ships. Both of the empires ships had spookyComms installed and they were both in the tactical network. She had argued against that upgrade, given the newness of the relationship, but she had been overruled.
... keep reading on reddit ➡In a podcast I was listening to there was a question on what the 2 biggest inland seas are and this has sent me down a rabbit hole with no bottom.
If you google it the google definition is "an entirely landlocked large body of salt or fresh water." cool great... but then you go to wikipedia and they say "An inland sea is a shallow sea that covers central areas of continents during periods of high sea level that result in marine transgressions".... and that the hudson bay is the largest which is very much not landlocked. So I tried to dig deeper.
World atlas says that the differences between seas and lakes are; > > A lake is enclosed on all sides by land and does not connect to a larger water body like an ocean, while a sea connects to an ocean.
> A sea is much larger and deeper than a lake
> A lake is either natural or artificial, while a sea occurs naturally
> A sea contains only salty water, while a lake can contain either salty or freshwater
So the google definition is wrong... but then makes this statement >Seas are broadly classified as internal or external. Internal seas, like the Mediterranean and the Black Sea, are almost enclosed by mainland and have access to the ocean via a strait. External seas, such as the Caribbean, are in the form of bays surrounded by islands.
So I checked and the Mediterranean sea has a surface area of 2,500,000 km2 while the Hudson bay only has the surface area of 1,230,000 km2. So by the world atlas definition of seas that are internal the Mediterranean would be the biggest. So I look back at Wikipedia and they mention that inland seas are also known as epicontinental seas which has a key feature of being shallow seas so the Hudson is the largest internal shallow sea great...
but this still didn't sit well with me so I looked for a more repeatable source and found a paper by Barrie et al (2012) where they state that > "Inland seas are landlocked seas that are only connected to the ocean through narrow channels. They usually contain many islands, channels, sounds, and straits."
Okay great so far this all checks out...
> "Inland sea was first defined for the Seto Inland Sea, separating the three main islands of Japan and connected to the Pacific Ocean through narrow channels. It is one of the world's largest inland seas, encompassing 400 islands, 7,500 km of coastline
... keep reading on reddit ➡Picking up the Pieces
Date: 6 months 20 days after 'Liberation'
Location: Taraz, Southern Kazakhstan
The Commander was going to regret keeping his involvement in the White House Op a secret, he wouldn't be leaving his desk for the foreseeable future. In fact, with how radically different the world has become, the SOPs needed to be rebuilt from scratch, a perfect task for the new head of their organization.
"Scheming away, Colonel Miller?" He hadn't noticed the old man approaching nor the grinch-like smile that had been forming on his face at the thought of getting back at his friend.
"Oh, nothing of the sort! I'm just thinking of all the necessary paperwork that has to be completed by the Commander when he gets back." The Wizard just gave him a wry grin.
"Arthur caused his father and I no small amount of grief and worry, always rushing headlong into danger and battle. I do understand your frustration."
"I imagine that him being damn near immortal certainly helps take some of the edge off."
"It was not always so and it was not just once or twice where he came close to departing this world; however, now I fear more than ever before as there are fates far worse than death, my friend." Having ordered or committed some of those acts, the Colonel knew Merlin was right to be cautious. Even an immortal could be broken.
"Something else is clearly weighing on you, so why don't you just spit it out." With all of the joking, sarcasm and crude language It was easy to forget who the man before him was. Before he was put to sleep Merlin had witnessed the passing of entire ages, seen and done things lost to time itself. If he didn't know the answer few would.
"The Colossus has been sanitized of all foreign organic matter, hooked up and is ready to be transported. The excavation crews will be done within the hour and one of the docking bays has been retrofitted to accommodate the reactor. In addition, we've also secured the weapon. A weapon, which I might add, that neither we nor the Foundation understand at all, aside from perhaps being able to warp baseline reality. Then we're going North, as far as North gets for a giant metal heart. All in the hope of resurrecting a dead god." It was utter madness, the only upside was that they were going at a good pace, in fact they were even ahead of schedule.
"Do you fear that the enemy will discover us?"
"The Shil have shown no interest in the area since the initial attack on Earth," Th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Why We Fight:
Date: 6 months, 20 days after ‘Liberation’
Location: London, England, Shil'vati Barracks
Returning to the base had been simple even with a stolen shuttle, all Acetria had to do was pretend to be drunk and throw around her house name like a complete stuck up bitch. A few classic lines like, 'Do you know who my mother is?' or 'I can't wait to tell my uncle about this.' She'd likely made the poor women fear for their very lives by the end of her tirade, something that she felt absolutely horrible for doing.
They were just doing their jobs and demeaning them for being competent soldiers should have been completely unacceptable. The optimum word being 'should', everyone knew the rules were only for the average Shil. People like that of her House and the Tor'aels got to bend or break any and all rule they wanted, as long as they had the wealth or power to cover it up afterwards.
The fact that even acting like she used to caused her to feel shame and remorse was tangible proof of her own growth. At least she hoped so.
Reaching her quarters was trivial as well, the girls on duty must have known from experience to stay out of the way of an intoxicated noble, as no one tried to obstruct her.
How many people in the Empire felt like this? How many were afraid that angering the wrong woman could result in everyone they knew and loved suffering? Was this how that Goddessless cunt was able to get away with abusing and enslaving children?
If that monster's aunt could become a planetary governess of a critical new world, how deep into the Empire did the rot go?
The images of their smiling faces as they conversed and danced, all the while knowing what evils were being committed in the other parts of the palace, sometimes even in the next room over. It made her sick.
A mix of despair and guilt squirmed inside. Had she not been deployed to this planet, had she not met that wonderful creature, she would have almost certainly ended up like those disgusting 'things' at the dinner party.
She could see the galaxy and its people in a new way, a terrifying new way. Those she had executed were vile...evil. Who else would look just like them? Her mother? Her father? Her sisters?
The door to her room crashed open and her fellow adherents to the ‘Church of Tharnok' spilled out into the hallway, several of them embracing her.
"It's okay Ace, we've got you, take a minute if you need it. We're already packed up and ready t
... keep reading on reddit ➡The series is intended to give all you readers an opportunity to discuss each book in detail. Please post and thoughts, opinions, and questions you have about this week's novel. We’re reading through the omnibuses and going through them in order of release.
Every post will be filled with Spoilers from the novel so if you haven't read this week's book then proceed with caution.
#The Uriel Ventris Chronicles: Volume 1
Authors: Graham McNeill
Released: December 2018
Synopsis:
The Ultramarines are a byword for loyalty and courage. Their martial prowess is legendary and is second only to the God-Emperor. Graham McNeill's epic trilogy of Ultramarines novels is a masterpiece of non-stop action! Containing the novels Nightbringer, Warriors of Ultramar and Dead Sky, Black Sun, plus connecting short stories, this omnibus follows the adventures of Space Marine Captain Uriel Ventris and the Ultramarines as they battle against the enemies of mankind. From their home world of Macragge, into the dreaded Eye of Terror and beyond, Graham McNeill's prose rattles like gunfire and brings the Space Marines to life like never before.
Contains the novels Nightbringer, Warriors of Ultramar, and Dead Sky, Black Sun. Along with the short stories Leviathan, Chains of Command, and Consequences.
Nightbringer
After replacing his former Captain and mentor, Idaeus, Captain Uriel Ventris embarks on his first mission, to the planet Pavonis with the 4th Company of the Ultramarines. Beset by doubt in his abilities, alien foes and traitorous opportunists, Ventris must battle against them all if he is to defeat an ancient horror soon to be awakened.
Warriors of Ultramar
A Tyranid splinter fleet is heading towards the planet Tarsis Ultra, consuming everything in its path. Captain Uriel Ventris and the Fourth Company of the Ultramarines, called to honour an ancient debt, along with brother Space Marines of the Mortifactors Chapter and the Imperial Guard units are the only ones standing in their way. Uriel must decide whether to act by the code set down by the Codex Astartes or against it, if he is to succeed against the alien threat.
Dead Sky, Black Sun
Captain Uriel Ventris and Sergeant Pasanius Lysane have been exiled from the Ultramarines Chapter for breaching the Codex Astartes during the events on Tarsis Ultra; Sent on a Death Oath by Marneus Calgar to atone for their transgression, they are taken captive by a Daemon known only as the Omphalos Daemonium, and t
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
All Airtimes E.S.T.
SAT 01
(1:45AM) Shadow of the Thin Man (1941/1h 37m/Suspense/Mystery/Major W. S. Van Dyke II)
(3:30AM) The Thin Man Goes Home (1945/1h 40m/Mystery/Richard Thorpe)
(5:15AM) Song of the Thin Man (1947/1h 26m/Mystery/Edward Buzzell)
(7:00AM) The Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Story (1950/56m/Short/Herman Hoffman)
(8:00AM) Poultry Pirates (1938/9m/Animation/I. Freleng)
(8:10AM) Goofy Movies Number One (1933/8m/Short/Jules White)
(8:19AM) Victoria and Vancouver: Gateways to Canada (1936/8m/Short/Benjamin D. Sharpe)
(8:28AM) Rustlers (1949/1h 1m/Western/Lesley Selander)
(9:30AM) BATMAN: Robin's Ruse (1949/16m/Serial/Spencer Gordon Bennet.
(10:00AM) POPEYE: The Fly's Last Flight (1949/6m/Animation/Seymour Kneitel)
(10:08AM) Bowery Buckaroos (1947/1h 6m/Comedy/William Beaudine)
(11:30AM) Seeing Red (1939/18m/Short/Roy Mack)
(12:00PM) Fiddler on the Roof (1971/3h/Musical/Norman Jewison)
(3:15PM) A Face in the Crowd (1957/2h 6m/Drama/Elia Kazan)
(5:30PM) Twelve O'Clock High (1949/2h 12m/War/Henry King)
(8:00PM) Penny Serenade (1941/2h 5m/Romance/George Stevens)
(10:00PM) Children of a Lesser God (1986/1 hr 59m/Drama/Randa Haines)
SUN 02
(12:30AM) Repeat Performance (1947/1h 33m/Film-Noir/Alfred Werker)
(2:30AM) It Should Happen to You (1953/1h 26m/Comedy/George Cukor)
(4:15AM) Born Yesterday (1950/1h 43m/Comedy/George Cukor)
(6:00AM) Old Acquaintance (1943/1h 50m/Drama/Vincent Sherman)
(8:00AM) Adam's Rib (1949/1h 41m/Comedy/George Cukor)
(10:00AM) Repeat Performance (1947/1h 33m/Film-Noir/Alfred Werker)
(12:00PM) Romeo and Juliet (1937/2h 7m/Romance/George Cukor)
(2:15PM) The More the Merrier (1943/1h 44m/Comedy/George Stevens)
(4:15PM) Light in the Piazza (1962/1h 41m/Romance/Guy Green)
(6:15PM) My Favorite Year (1982/1h 32m/Comedy/Richard Benjamin)
(8:00PM) How Green Was My Valley (1941/1h 58m/Drama/John Ford)
(10:15PM) The Corn Is Green (1945/1h 54m/Drama/Irving Rapper)
Mon 03
(12:30AM) The Three Musketeers (1921/1h 50m/Adventure/Fred Niblo)
(2:45AM) My Journey Through French Cinema (2016/3h 15m/Documentary/Bertrand Tavernier)
(6:30AM) Letter from Siberia (
... keep reading on reddit ➡How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Put it on my bill
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
He lost May
Nothing, he was gladiator.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
