a lady goes to the doctor and says I’m addicted to Twitter

the doctor says I don’t follow you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaiddortegaa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said β€˜if you need anything, I’m Jill.’

I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsRynGYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Last night, my girlfriend told me I'm very attractive and she's a lucky lady.

I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joker0812
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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When m’lady isnt interested in your manga collection
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberNips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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While I was volunteering in a shop, I came upon this shirt, m’lady
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infiltron
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I'm a police officer/dad and I got some lady last night...

I was pulling up to Walmart yesterday evening for a call. As I'm going in the store there is a lady walking out with some items in her hands. In one hand she has like 4 bags of stuff and in the other arm she is carrying a large bag of Fresh Step cat litter. Anyway as we're about to pass each other, she fumbles the bag of Fresh Step, drops it and the bag bursts open...cat litter goes everywhere.

Without missing a beat I looked her straight in the eye, pointed to the ground and said sternly, "Ma'am, there's no littering here." She looked like she was about to cry and then just burst out laughing. I helped her pick up the bag and bring it back in the store so she could get a new one. She couldn't stop laughing the entire time.

πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluedit5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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A lady happily tells her husband, holding a testpack result. "Darling, I'm pregnant!"

Tears running the husband's eyes, he says "Hi pregnant, I'm dad"

(x-post from r/Jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radixhidayat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
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Jurassic Parker.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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A good romance starts with a good friendship. A bad romance on the other hand starts with...

Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Forrest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Overreacting
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmielmosong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.

Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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If fedoras got paid a living wage...

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gormiti100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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