TLDR: My dad has been in the hospital looking after my mom every day for 7 hours a day. My and brother are in another country, but will be able to see our parents in 1 week. What are the things I can do or say to make sure to support him emotionally and physically?
Hi folks,
As title says, my mom (58) has been diagnosed this week with Stage IV lung cancer that has metastasised to the spine and hip. She currently has a fractured vertebrae which means that she's staying at the hospital until she can have surgery and until she gets a more accurate diagnosis (subtype, treatment options, etc.). Me and my brother (28 and 25) are living in another country. We are going home ASAP, but due to quarantine regulations it will be another week until we can actually see our parents.
Meanwhile, my dad has been an absolute star. Before my mom's diagnosis, he tirelessly contacted doctor after doctor when she mysteriously was in so much pain that she was unable to get out of bed. He has been going to the hospital for 7 hours every day (longest you can stay with current COVID rules), to stay with her and look after her in any way he can. He also has been trying every avenue to get the best medical support that my mom can access. He told her that he will support her with every fibre of his being, no matter what.
Of course I'm worried sick about my mom. I have cried for her every day, but I also know that we can only hope for the best and what happens will happen. We will do our very best to call her every day, let her know that we are there for her and try to bring a ray of light every day.
But I also worry about my dad. I worry that he will exhaust and drain himself emotionally and physically. I also worry about him in the long term - I know that metastatic lung cancer typically has shite prognoses, and as much as I want to be hopeful, I am so scared that my dad will be by himself after over 30 years of marriage. He is also not very good at talking about his own emotions - at the moment, he is trying to be the strong person in the family.
What are the small and big things that I can do to help my caregiver dad, to make sure that he is emotionally okay? What should and shouldn't I do or say?
Any advice would really be much appreciated.
Him, the best father I could ask for was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last December. It was so painful to here the news, and I’m 10,000 miles away from him.
First thing I did is ask work to go home and see him, hug and kiss him. I spent a month in there seeing the most joyful dad not so joyful anymore. The best singer I know doesn’t sing anymore. The corny jokes, I don’t hear anymore. It felt unreal.
I got back here again (have to) January and started working right away because I had to pay the expenses that I made to go home, the bills that I left and to support my dads needs. My dad is in NGT now and the doctor said that the cancer is spreading in his brain because he always gets hallucinations and doesn’t recognize some of my sisters anymore. All I want to do is to go home and be with him and hopefully still recognizes me.
My husband found GameStop and first thing we did is to invest in it. I’ve been in here reading in silence everyday and I keep on praying and praying and praying that GameStop will be the reason why I can go home with no worries on our financials and spend the rest of his days with him.
I know that I’m not the only one in this Sub whose dealing with shits. And we all deserve to be happy! Let’s HODL until this goes to the moon!!!!! 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
It's so hard I cant breathe or function my hands keep shaking even writing this post is hard. I cant look at her with crying thinking about her limited time with us. Thinking about the future is terrifying to me because she might not be there anymore. Iam trying to hold it together for her but its so hard. Does it get easier? Is it possible to be able to look at her and treat normally without breaking down and thinking about death? Its my first time dealing with something like this, none of my extended family members or anyone I'm close with had cancer before.
Just looking for some advice/guidance. My mum is 72 and taking several prescription medications: Irbesartan-hydrochlorothiazide (Karvezide), Altorvastatin, Dabigatran, Metroprolol, Metformin and Empagliflozin (Jardiance) for several issues (type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart issues to name a few). Here's a rough time-line of events:
Nov 2018 - Mum has pacemaker inserted (Medtronic Axure). Initial CT scan of area picked up mass/shadowing in right middle lobe lung. Cardiologist speculated this was consolidation (pneumonia?). After insertion of pacemaker mum discharged on a course of Keplex to treat consolidation
Dec 2018 - Mum has follow up xray scan of lungs, interpreted by GP as now being clear and 'no focus of consolidation in lungs.'
June 2020 - Mum get's random call from Medtronic saying they will send out new network device for some reason (don't provide any other information)
Sep 2020 - Follow up on Medtronic call as we haven't heard anything nor recieved any device, also notice current device is playing up. No one we talk to has any idea what we're talking about. Also reschedule mum's routine check up appt for heart/pacemaker (fear of contracting COVID) to Feb 2021 in same call.
Dec 2020 - Notice mum has developed a mild persistent cough that has been around for 3-4 weeks. Push her to go to GP but she refuses and is being stubborn thinking she'll get over it (since it's so mild).
Jan 2021 - Follow up on Medtronic again as still haven't received anymore information, still having issues with device.
Feb 2021 - Mum goes in for routine checkup. Does ECG stress test where heart rate drops to 50-51bpm consistently, pacemaker not pacing in to keep heart above 60bpm. Tried interrogation of device and failed several times. Find out last time device communicated with network was back in April 2020 (unsure why Medtronic never told us this info given that it was pacing mum's heart 90-99% of the time?? Seems negligent...)
March 2021 - Mum checked into hospital while being prepped to have pacemaker replacement done. Turns out mum is in the 0.006% of people with faulty units in this particular device (recall was done in April 2019 however only in America was it treated seriously. Mum might be the first case of faulty unit in Australia. First time Cardiologist and Medtronic Aus team have encountered this).
March 2021 - Initial CT scan pre surgery picks up sa
... keep reading on reddit ➡She's only 54.So grief has hit me like a tsunami,my mother is a nonsmoker and she was diagnosed with lung cancer. How the fuck did we miss all the signs? The day we heard my mom has cancer,my father cried for straight two hours. My mother is trying to be brave ,saying she will beat it. but I am really worried ,it has spread to stomach and neck and one bone . I know chances are less but hopeful since doctor didn't give any timeline . I hope immunotherapy works for her.I wish gene mutation comes back positive. i wish she lives long enough to see me have a baby. I am infertile for 5 years ,going thru ivf number 2. Hope she gets to live to see it all.She said she has a big wish of seeing my baby,so asking me to go through my procedures. I wish my ivf succeeds. I don't know how my father will live without her. I can't see them live without each other. I want to make memories just to be safe. I want her to write journal or leave voice notes just in case for future. But how do I ask her to?then she will think I am giving up,right ? But I don't want her to die ,not yet. She's a amazing mom. Why her ... How to make memories with her .
20 years sounds soooooo long when I type it but it feels like just yesterday that my Dad passed. It's crazy how some moments in life just lock you in. My wife calls them touchstones. As a somewhat "gamer" I think of them like "save points". You move on but you always know you can go back there when things go wrong.
Over the years I've burried my grief/pain/sadness. Somehow Zoey's has unearthed it. I had no idea what I was getting myself into with the first episode, I just like the idea of a musical TV show. And then the show found my grief. It dug it up one episode at a time. I knew what was happening and I embraced it. I laughed. I cried. I processed. It was magical.
I just want to say we all process grief differently. Maybe I wouldn't have been ready for Zoeys 20 years ago. But I was ready for it last year. And it has made all the difference. Thank you for a show that has revealed a part me to myself that I didn't realize was missing.
