LiveChat Puns

We were chatting with a couple of people in the backgarden when a random cat jumped into our garden. He seemed skiddish at first but after trying for a few minutes I got to pet it before it ran off. Walking back, my cousin exclaims: "How did you do that!?" To which I said: "Because I speak cat!". She looked confused for a second, then answered (she lives in Barcelona): "Oh, you speak catalonian too!?"

Maybe you guys won't laugh, but I was crying for 2 minutes straight.

My paternal progenitor dropped this bomb on me during a recent skype chat. Background: I am currently living in Australia and told him I ate a kangaroo burger.

"Do you know what it's called when they cook meat from the front of a kangaroo? A hot pocket!"

Is he not the most Dadish Dad?

During a Skype chat, where my sister's profile photo was a beautiful landscape with flowers.

Dad: Did you find that photo somewhere online or did you take it?

Sister: I took it!

Dad: What! Who did you take it from? You know that's stealing, right?

Groans all around.

(bonus mediocre joke: my sister was mentioning how she writes to her friend who lives in Germany, but her friend never checks her email. "Of course she doesn't, she's German, not Czech," quoth Dad.)

So I've only known my biological father for a few years. We hardly see each other except on holidays because of his work schedule, my work and college schedule, and distance. So today, he decided to visit me all afternoon and take me out to dinner. Before we left, he sat in the living room and we chatted.

Dad: "Well, young'in, I think I'm ready to eat."

Me: "Yeah, me too, I've been hungry for a while."

Dad: "Oh, really? I hadn't realized you changed your name."

Groan