Yesterday, there was a battle between the Pot Heads and the straight people of society....

And today, 4 21.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyKurts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A secret society of pranksters is called illuminaughty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I was lecturing on the criminal law concept of hot pursuit, and I asked there were any questions.

A student asked "what if you're ugly?'

As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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You've heard of Newton's laws, but have you heard of Cole's law?

Thinly sliced cabbage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaTb0i8u
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I’m planning a trip to the Farsi-speaking part of Ontario

I’ve always wanted to visit the Persian Guelph

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RuncibleJones
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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Has anyone heard of the recent Cole’s Law?

Some say coleslaw should not have Mayo...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matcha0123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's shredded cabbage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loloPogi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Everybody knows about Murphy’s Law, but far fewer people are aware of Cole’s Law

It’s finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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When can card games break the laws of thermodynamics?

When it's Solid-air

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wholesome_cream
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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I just got kicked out of the flat earth society

I asked if the 6 feet social distancing guidelines pushed anyone over the edge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?

A groundhog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?

It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?

Because they’re living

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DronePilotNYC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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If you’ve heard of Murphy’s Law you must have heard of Cole’s law

... it’s shredded cabbage

Edit: I personally hate coleslaw and thought it was made of lettuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cardporehorn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Well here it is. The end of society.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeWantsPot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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We should call this new phase of society 'Solitudarity.'
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socksarepeople2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpbojoe
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Why did the Pharaoh's marriage fall apart?

It was a fault of his mummy-in-law

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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I got locked out of the Euphemism Society this afternoon.

So I smashed their back door in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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What starts with me, ends with me, and though often makes people laugh, will be the downfall of society?

meme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Bridesmaid Proposal Puns for a Doctor and a Lawyer?

I am asking two of my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids and wanted to word the question in a punny way related to their careers- one is a first-year medical resident and the other is a law student. I would like to flatter them/make it funny. Any and all ideas are appreciated!! If there is a better sub to ask this question please let me know:))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rose1229
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.

In short his practice is shrinking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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We’ve all heard of Murphy’s Law, but have you heard of Cole’s Law?

Well, it’s finely chopped bits of cabbage and carrots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatcornellbitch
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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What type of laws do the LGBT community use?

Bylaws

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyFox-RUH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Pun needed

Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be β€œGive me your β€˜name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word β€œZoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeDotOu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I used to be a member of the secret cooking society...

But they kicked me out for spilling the beans...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
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My sister-in-law's grandfather used to tell stories of how he used to drill holes in stuff for a living...

How boring!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Thinking of starting my own secret society that is really hard to become initiated into

I'll call it diffiCULT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_YOUR_BLOOMERS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Recently, a race of bird people and a society of necromancers has gone to war.

It's the Knight owls Vs the Mourning people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronnoc67
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Candidates for the president of the Evolution Society said that the anonymous votes were fudged...

But the committee assured them it was just natural selection!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?

A share riff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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What do you call a top secret society of beverages?

The illuminatea

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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If a cat wrote the laws of motion, what would you call the cat?

Isaac Mewton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/postmodernpotato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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I wanted to write a parody of β€œBehind Blue Eyes” but my friend told me I should watch out for copyright laws

I said, β€œWho’s gonna sue me?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/el-toro-loco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
We've all heard of Murphy's Law...

But have you heard of Cole's Law?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLASHsixx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I am sure you've heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?

It is thinnly sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you’ve heard of Murphy’s law, which is that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, then have you heard of Cole’s law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
We all know about Murphy’s Law – Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teefanie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a member of the secret cooking society...

But they kicked me out for spilling the beans...

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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