Though, I probably would for marble.
She said "nope"
It gives them the trots.
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels
but I knew she'd come crawling back.
[text has been deleted]
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter
Would they graduate with a Master of Puppets?
(Kudos to my brother for this one.)
Idaho-ho-ho!
Kudos to my 9 year old son for coming up with this on his own.
Kudos if you figured it out.
Dispatcher: Hello this is 911 what's your emergency?
Dad: Yeah hi, I was just walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in a bush and inside there's a fox and 4 cubs.
Dispatcher: Oh my god, that's horrible. Are they moving?
Dad: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.
We were going over our rope rescue equipment and I noticed that part of the rope was becoming worn.
Me: "Hey Captain. There's a spot here that looks a little worn, should we be worried."
Captain: "We should be afraid."
Granddad: Did you take a shower at my house?
Kids: yes.
Granddad: Well I'm gonna need you to put it back.
Old man has still got it.
