Kudos to u/PriyanshuWestern131
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aadhar690
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Kudos to this brilliant man
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nedegame
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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I told my wife that I would never take her for granite.

Though, I probably would for marble.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jhench78
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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I asked my horse if she stole my thesaurus

She said "nope"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 92
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jedispartan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Why donโ€™t horses eat spicy food?

It gives them the trots.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 85
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MGreenMN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My GF left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MJBGaming
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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My girlfriend left me because I stole her wheelchair...

but I knew she'd come crawling back.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 101
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Passwordisflapjacks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense...

[text has been deleted]

๐Ÿ‘︎ 51
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" [x-post from /r/jokes]

Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"

Mom: *staring at dad

Dad: ...*clenches fists

Mom: ...don't!

Dad: *sweats profusely

Mom:

Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD

Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rplusg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2015
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If Metallica went to the Jim Henson school of Arts and Media...

Would they graduate with a Master of Puppets?

(Kudos to my brother for this one.)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GIFman2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2019
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What US state has the most Christmas spirit?

Idaho-ho-ho!

Kudos to my 9 year old son for coming up with this on his own.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 148
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/intensenerd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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I think that girl over there has a particularly two-dimensional donkey.

Kudos if you figured it out.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kitty_Dragon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
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This dad got a police dispatcher good.

Dispatcher: Hello this is 911 what's your emergency?

Dad: Yeah hi, I was just walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in a bush and inside there's a fox and 4 cubs.

Dispatcher: Oh my god, that's horrible. Are they moving?

Dad: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrmonkey86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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Got dadjoked by my Captain

We were going over our rope rescue equipment and I noticed that part of the rope was becoming worn.

Me: "Hey Captain. There's a spot here that looks a little worn, should we be worried."

Captain: "We should be afraid."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FantasticFruitBowl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
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My dad got my boys today. Grandpas still got it.

Granddad: Did you take a shower at my house?

Kids: yes.

Granddad: Well I'm gonna need you to put it back.

Old man has still got it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nigelpoole
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2014
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