A list of puns related to "King's Guard"
Because his ID is foolproof.
SIR PRIZE!
The punanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of Pun-merica, When in the Course of human pun-ventures, it becomes necessary for one people to loosen the comical bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the wits of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Yaws of Pun-Nature and of Nature's Pun entitle them, a decent respect to the punchlines of mankind requires that they should declare the pun-riddled causes which propel them to the separation.
We hold these puns to be self-evident, that all wordplay is created equal, that they are endowed by their Pun-ator with certain un-pun-able Rights, among these are Life, Linguistic-erty and the pursuit of Puntasticness.--That to secure these rights, Pun-ernments are playfully instituted among Puns, deriving their just laughter from the consent of the amused, --That whenever any Form of Pun-ernment becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Write of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to pull out new Wordmanship, laying its fun-dation on such punster principles and organizing its powers in such playful form as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Laugh-ety and Happiness. Prun-dence, indeed, will dictate that Pun-ernments long established should not be changed for pun-light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while pun-evils are sufferable, than to set-write themselves by abolishing the language forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long laugh-track of abuses and usurp-puns, pursuing invariably the same Pun-jectives evince a design to reduce them under absolute Pun-potism, it is their right, it is their pun-ty, to chuckle off such Word-rule, and to provide new Punderful Guards for their pun-ture posterity.--Such has been the pun-ient sufferance of these Pun-olonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Punnery. The history of the present Pun-King of Great Pun-Ain is a history of repeated punchlines and usurp-puns, all having in jest the establishment of an absolute Pun-ranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be fun-bmitted to a candid whirl of wordplay.
So a long time ago, there was a tribe of people living in the jungle. They were ruled by a cruel and terrible king who lived the high life in a large and sturdy structure he called his palace, while his subjects had to hobble together homes out of grass and straw. The king would also frequently demand tribute, forcing his people to bring him offerings of food, to the point where some people were outright starving.
One day, a group of insurgents had had enough. They snuck into the kings palace at night, knocked out the guards, and stole the kings glamorous throne. They brought the throne back to their hut, and stowed it under a tarp.
When the king awoke the next morning, to say he was angry would be an understatement. He ordered his guards to search the village until they found the throne, and to kill the insurgents who would dare humiliate him.
The insurgents panicked when the guards showed up. The tarp was removed, and there was the throne. Rather than risk the thieves escaping, the king ordered his guards to torch the hut, destroying it, the throne, and the insurgents all at once.
It just goes to show; people in grass houses shouldnβt stow thrones.
Sir Curity - King's head of guard
Sir Ender - King's military general
Sir Cumnavigate - King's navy admiral
Sir Veillance - King's spies
Sir Ching - King's scout
Sir Vival - King's best warrior
Sir Nister - King's executioner
Sir Bia - King's ambassador to Yugoslavia
Sir Spicious - King's inquistor
Sir V. Chewed - King's slave master
Sir Lancealot - King's diabetes nurse
Sir Cumcision - King's health inspector
Sir Inge - King's infectious disease expert
Sir Jun - King's doctor
Sir Iasis - King's dermatologist
Sir Rebralpalsy - King's disability advocate
Sir Loin - King's dinner chef
Sir Up - King's breakfast chef
Sir Hosis - King's vinter
Sir Taindeath - King's daredevil
Sir Real - King's storyteller
Sir Rendipty - King's fortune teller
Sir Cuss - King's jester
Sir Tenty - King's prophet
Sir Burbia - King's city planner
Sir Plus - King's organizer
Sir Prize - King's party planner
Sir Pen Tyne - King's amusement park planner
Sir Rebral - King's advisor
Sir Cumference - King's geometry teacher
Sir Mise - King's historian
Sir Kitbreaker - King's electrician
Sir Culation - King's news editor
Sir Roundsound - King's DJ
Sir Renity - King's therapist
Sir John General - King's tobacco farmer
Sir Veyer - King's castle builder
Sir Vant - King's gofer
Sir Fur - King's lifeguard
Sir Factant - King's cleaner
Sir Plant - King's son
Sir Tainly - King's yes man
Sir Cumspect - King's investor
Sir Charge - King's tax collector
Sir Mon - King's priest
Sir Pent - King's herpetologist
Sir Ogate - King's regent
Sir Cumvent - King's risk analyst
Among other things, he had a huge castle containing a massive throne made of gold.
The problem was that all his wealth came at the expense of his subjects, who were reduced to living in thatched shacks.
One day, while the king was out hunting, a poor peasant snuck into the castle and stole the gold throne. He took it home and hid it up under the roof of his shack.
When the king returned, he was furious. He went from house to house looking for his throne, and interrogating each occupant while his guards searched the house. While he was at the shack of the thief, the guards searched his house. Their activities disturbed things enough that the roof structure broke and the heavy gold throne fell on the poor peasant thief, killing him instantly.
The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldnβt stole thrones.
While the king was trying to decide what to name its guards, his wife walked into the room. She said βhoney, Iβm going to bed.β The king was preoccupied with his thinking and shortly said βk. Night.β Then moments later went βbabe youβre a genius! Knight!β
King Broderick was in trouble. He wasn't a very good king, and his brother Argyle was gathering forces to depose him and take the crown. In desperation, he captured Count Petrie, a very popular man who was one of his brother's cronies, and tortured him to learn his brother's location.
But the count wouldn't divulge the information, so the King scheduled a public execution. The crowds gathered, including the King's brother, who was there in disguise. The Count was forced to kneel, with his head on the chopping block. The headsman stood nearby, holding his axe at the ready. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, you are here before me because you have aligned yourself with my brother. If you tell me where he is, I will allow you to live out your days in my dungeon. Remain silent, and you will die." The Count remained silent. King Broderick motioned to the headsman, who slowly raised his axe and swung it down...THUNK...into the wood next to the Count's head. The Count stared at the axe, visibly shaking. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, that was a warning, and there will not be another. Tell me where my brother is and you will live. Remain silent, and you will die!" The Count stayed silent. King Broderick again motioned to the headsman, who raised the axe. As the headsman began the downswing, the Count cried out "Wait!!" but...THUNK...it was too late, and the Count's head fell to the ground.
At the Count's death, the King's brother leapt up and revealed himself to the crowd. Cheering Argyle, they crowded forward and overran the King's guards. Soon, it was Broderick's head on the chopping block. Argyle, the new King, waved back the headsman, knelt beside his brother and whispered into his ear "Silly brother, don't hatchet your Counts before they've chickened."
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