It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
Electrici-tea.
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
My mate reckons I have selfie steam issues
Because it brews all my tea.
Because he brews-all-my-tea.
"We're out of them at the moment, I can order one for you Mr...?"
"Boyle"
"Alright, let me order one for you first"
My response “but it won’t suit me”
Of course he puts it on his head and asks how he looks. We all chuckle in a pained kind of way and Mum says "Can you turn the kettle on, dear?"
And that is when he starts chatting to the kettle, stroking it sensually. sigh.
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all. Just water it with Kettle One and wok away without really frying. Hopefully it’ll produce a nice stock.
Ya know that mouthwatering hunger you get when you smell the meat cooking on the BBQ. I wonder if vegetarians get the same feeling when they mow the lawn.
So he started doing a strip tease
He said wouldn't it be better to boil some water
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
He wanted to go on a hot date.
... and they are now trapped in a kettle.
He replied, "It won't suit you."
It’s a different kettle of fish altogether.
A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!
After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
Ruth's mom made cookies. She left the kitchen and when she returned, the cookies were all eaten. She thought Ruth ate them, but she wanted to know for sure. She put the kettle on, because she knew if she wanted the truth from her daughter she would have to have the tea first.
Bucket
Pail
Pot
Kettle
Can
Scuttle
Me: Dad can you turn the kettle on?
Dad: Sure thing!
(walks to kettle, bends down and whispers)
Dad: Oh Kettle you're so hot...
Brother: I thought it would of already been made
Dad: It's only July.
Me: I'll go and put the kettle on then.
Dad: Go on then but I don't think it will suit you.
Mum: "Shall I put the kettle on?"
Dad: "I don't think it'll fit you, love."
(Context: I drink a lot of tea)
family member puts kettle on
Me: hey (family member), can you make me a cup of tea please.
(Family member): points magic fingers at me ZZZAP, you're a cup of tea!!!
Dad's visiting for a couple of weeks, and this is our first conversation this morning.
I get out of bed and go straight to the kettle to boil water for my morning coffee. I'm limping because my foot fell asleep while I was browsing Reddit in bed a couple of minutes before.
Dad: What happened?
Me: My foot fell asleep.
Dad: Make sure there's enough water for a second cup of coffee.
:l
Me: 'Dad put the kettle on'
Dad: 'It won't suit me'
Every. Time. 24 Years.
Me: Drink? Dad: Wouldn't say no to a cuppa. Me: I'll put the kettle on. Dad: Let me know if it fits!
Oh Dad!
"I'll put the kettle on"
"It won't suit you!"
As funny the millionth time as it was the first.
Girlfriend: Can you go and put the kettle on? Me: Don't think it'd suit me my darling.
Woke up on Sunday morning, said to the girlfriend I'd go put the kettle on.
I asked "How do I look?" when I came back into the bedroom wearing it on my dead.
She tutted...
My father drinks much tea and very often the conversation ressembles
DAD: Could you put the kettle on
ME: I'll try but i doubt it'll fit.
Electrici-tea.
Dad.. " I don't think it'll fit me?"
