Thinking for a moment, Fred pieced together what had probably happened.
He remembered that summer when the news started talking about the latest craze for violent political protest: Throwing milkshakes at people – and how it had quickly devolved once some enterprising American antifa individuals had figured out that adding quick-drying cement to the mix would turn the drink into a highly caustic chemical weapon that would cook off as the chemistry reacted. Of course, that shouldn’t have reacted so quickly… but maybe they had come up with some kind of catalyst or chemical accelerant?
Oh the joy of riot-weapon chemistry. Later chemical analysis would probably be fun and disturbing.
With a determined and purposeful stride, Fred began to walk out from behind the vans towards the front gate, reaching into his shirt to draw his weapons from the silverlight within… and stopped before he had barely taken a single step.
“Kli, why am I not getting anything here? Where are my weapons?”
“Silverlight stores were drained and transferred to assist in slowing the asteroid decent. Current stores only contain the critical minimum to maintain organic systems”
That… made sense – but it wasn’t what Fred wanted to hear. Peeking out from behind the van, Fred spotted most of the people in the front of the mob wielding weapons: Bats, sticks, makeshift-clubs.
“Something wrong?” agent Jensen inquired hesitantly, having spotted Fred’s change in expression from one of anticipatory malice to annoyance.
Turning to the agent, Fred frowned and spoke in an eerily calm tone: “It seems that I’m out of silverlight – I need to wait a few minutes until Ish is done refuelling so it can come back and give me an infusion before I can start replicating my weapons”
The look of relief on the agent’s face was quite obvious: “So… any chance you won’t go on a murderous rampage?”
“You see my fucking face? That mob isn’t going to go away any time soon, and I don’t even want to think what they’ll do to Lady Vris if they manage to open the gates and storm the place. I figure if I gut a few of them the rest will run off nice and easy…” Fred explained, his voice cold and his stare icy.
Oh well – it fit the profile. Agent Jensen, having been part of the team that had made the official UNETCO psychological profile of Fred, knew well enough that Fred was of the type who was slow to anger, but was also of the sort who always got even, even when things got ugly, at least based on the reports of the figh
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
You take away their little brooms
There hasn't been a post all year!
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
