Told my neighbor, jenny, she was hooking up with the wrong guy... he's a jackass...

She laughed, "hee haw!" The farmer said, "she can't understand ya... she's a donkey!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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WAITRESS: Hi I’m Jenny I’ll be your waitress today

ME: Hi we’re the Millers and we’ll be your customers today.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/51r-Fr4nc15-Dr4k3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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What is Forrest Gump's email password ?

1forrest1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I'm watching tv with my dad when a Jenny Craig commercial comes on

TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!

Dad: Well, did it kill her?

Me: exasperated eye-roll

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcutiebandit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s0me1finally
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"

"Jenny"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhil48
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What’s forest gump’s password?

1 forest 1

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Someone I knew called Jennifer really disliked 2000's music.

So you could say Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missredacted
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta?

Penne

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buffalohugger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
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A Rom Com Called "I've Fallin for Stalin" Where Gilbert Gottfried Plays Everyone

The plot is Gilbert Gottfried playing himself is sent back in time to kill Stalin (also played by Gilbert Gottfried). But Gilbert ends up slowly falling in love with Stalin as they bond over things like pancakes shaped like barn animals and making snow angels. The movie ends with Gilbert and Stalin getting married and raising two kids named Jenny and Egor (played by Gilbert Gottfried) in the suburbs with their golden retriever, Rex (played by Gilbert Gottfried)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anttwinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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My father is a goldmine of 'dad-jokes' here's a taster.

My mum and dad had separated by this point and he was picking me up from the town centre where I was with a girl I was seeing, named Jenni. After introducing herself my father paused for a second, let out a slight smirk and replied "What, from the block?" slapped his thigh and let out a hearty dad-chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfernusConsurget
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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I like Forrest Gump's girlfriend. She has a certain..

..Jenny sais quoi.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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At a restaurant

Server: Hi my name is Jenny and I will be your server... Dad: Well hello Jenny. My name is Bob, this is my wife Deb, my son not_Josh and we will be your customers this evening.

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_josh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Set your wifi password to 86753o9.

That way when Jenny gets online. She can say I got it, I got it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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My dad had this marine themed anti-vaxxer zinger last night.

We were watching a documentary about the ocean. At one point they described the process of clown fish "vaccinating" themselves to the sting of the anemone by exposing themselves to it from birth.

My dad: "Jenny McCarpy is outraged."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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Help with puns for mother's day cards

I'm making Mothers day cards for my mother deli co-workers. I kind of have have an idea for one of them (http://imgur.com/3FKyto0) I want to play on deli themes.

Prima Della is one of the brands we use, others are Hormel, Charlie's Pride, Sara Lee, and Jenny O. In the deli we have a deep frier and hot case, meat/cheese slicers and make sandwiches/salads.

Any fun plays on words for any of those that would make a fun PG-PG13 card? Nothing too vulgar, I work with these ladies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkyDogPants
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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What is Jenny from Forrest Gump's network password?

1forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/F1NANCE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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What's Forrest Gump's password?

1Forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BombOmbBuddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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What is Forrest Gumps password for his facebook?

1Forrest1

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tlacey114
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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