Why did Barty Crouch JR stop drinking? /r/harrypotter/comments/h…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarmoonEater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Why did Martin Luther King Jr. get an A in math?

He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timoteostewart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Class, can anyone tell me how Sammy Davis Jr. lost his eye?

"I can, sir...."

Wrong! Car accident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Why is Robert Downey Jr refusing to take new roles?

Cause he's Dolittle now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dori_lukey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Robert Downey Jr. is used to do big stuff in the MCU

but now he is going to Dolittle

Note: RDJ Dolittle movie trailer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEf412bSPLs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Naming your kid Eugene jr. would be one of the best dad jokes

You'd be truly passing down your genes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyzrul77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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If, instead of Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Broderick starred in 'Iron Man'...

... we'd be calling him 'Ferrous Bueller.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Why did Barty Crouch Jr. stopped drinking? reddit.com/r/harrypotter/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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Why does Barty Crouch Jr. drink so much?

Cause he's Moody

  :|
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pokemon192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Little Known Fact: Matthew Broderick almost beat out Robert Downey Jr for the role of Tony Stark

When Downey got the role, they had to change the movie title to Iron Man instead of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borgenhaust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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What do you call your son when he gets a job serving food at Carl’s Jr.?

Chef Boy Hardee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Martin Luther King Jr. had a great dream.

Then he woke up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoHandedShanks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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So I heard Dale Earnhardt Jr is retiring...

Doesn't he have people to do that for him?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pancakegalaxy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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Why did Barty Crouch Jr stop drinking?

It was making him Moody.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FistOnFire
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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Harry Connick Jr. on American Idol.

Contestant: I'm going the sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Harry Connick Jr: I think you should sing here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswingingman97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Why did Karen look for Treebeard?

She wanted to speak with the management of Isengard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A set of quadruplets.

A set of quadruplets went in to the local doctor's office for their annual check up. Once they were finished, the doctor asked to speak with them all in his private office.

As the four of them; Jeb, Richard, Lee, and the eldest John Hickleford Jr. entered the room and took seats, the doctor shook his head. "I've got bad news and I've got good news boys" he said.

Jeb, the spokesman of the group, immediately said, "Well, tell us the bad news first, and then spring the good news on us."

"Alright," continued the doctor. "The bad news is that one of you only has six months to live. The good news is that the other three of you will live long, healthy lives."

All four boys sprang from their chairs, making incoherent noises of protest. After settling them down, Jeb turned to the doctor and solemnly asked: "Hick or Lee, Dick or me, Doc?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisjustin2019
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Heres one from my chemistry teacher

From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr.

"Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/partiesmake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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Dad jokes galore: Candy company settles with mid-Missouri man over underfilled boxes

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missourijake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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Which civil rights leader was the most exfoliated

Dr Martin Loofah King, Jr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbjectEra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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In the time honored tradition, President Trump pardoned two turkeys this Thanksgiving.

Trump Jr and Eric were mighty relieved.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Got my wife today while reading a Burger King ad.

Me: "Hey, you can get 2 Whopper Jrs and 2 small fries for 4 bucks. That's a good deal I guess."

Wife: "Well, it's kinda just like a dollar menu.

Points to each item "Buck, buck, buck, buck."

Me: "Nah, that's the chicken."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bostonbedlam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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After 4 years of being a father I can finally call myself a dad

Partytang jr (pointing at the Michelin man) "papa who is that?" Me: "that's the Michelin man, he makes tires for cars, trucks, and planes." PTjr: "why?" Me: "so we don't have to walk everywhere." PTjr: "why?" Me: "because then we would be sooo tirrred!" PTjr: "hahaha papa you are as funny as Louie CK" (the last part was paraphrased)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Partytang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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Ghost caught on tape!

I just saw this when browsing Imgur's viral stuff. Searched here, didn't see it, so here you go!

http://imgur.com/gallery/uDClvJr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curzyk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
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Cortana is the ultimate dad...

Knock knock jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FbhaoJR.png

http://i.imgur.com/lV4fkX5.png

http://i.imgur.com/KhMJWE1.png

http://i.imgur.com/u5bGCKl.png

http://i.imgur.com/WV0ozHa.png

http://i.imgur.com/bnbQwMh.png

Regular jokes:

http://i.imgur.com/FSpBRve.png

http://i.imgur.com/BimhVEg.png

http://i.imgur.com/hmT1VXU.png

http://i.imgur.com/mOtfMsH.png

http://i.imgur.com/qHmY3BG.png

http://i.imgur.com/fc3M93G.png

http://i.imgur.com/IGErA97.png

http://i.imgur.com/DCN90VQ.png

http://i.imgur.com/zG5hetR.png

http://i.imgur.com/Ff1x8Zm.png

http://i.imgur.com/tUKALrn.png

http://i.imgur.com/0Coe17Y.png

http://i.imgur.com/S7gltN7.png

http://i.imgur.com/Pjs3xjN.png

http://i.imgur.com/VPnE7bJ.png

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
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Not sure if technically a joke..

Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.

A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."

He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.

My teacher was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatsforfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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I may be ready to be a dad

I volunteer with Jr. High kids and Highschoolers on Wednesday nights. This week we decided to play some indoor soccer, so we took out the soccer nets that we had stored. I see them and walk over to a group of volunteer girls and ask, "Hey, do you want to see our organization's goals?" while pointing at the soccer nets. They all groaned while I walked away laughing and proud of my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uldyr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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Bryan Cranston dad joke

In this interview (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugLkMf6r7rM go to 18:15) of the breaking bad cast, Rj (Walt Jr.) Was talking about Walt's and Skylar's divorce and Bryan add in that it was a "Methy divorce"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Water_Sucks_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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Momjoke, We were watching American Idol

Harry Connick jr giving a contestant feedback: "you're a great run singer..."

My mom: "I'm a great run singer too! I sing, and then everyone runs away!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redaskew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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Dadjoked by his own daughter (x-post from /r/Disney)

"My four year old daughter just made the best joke of her life regarding Mulan:
So we are all sitting here watching Disney Jr and they have a commercial for Mulan. I say 'Look, it's Fa Mulan!' To which she immediately responds 'Sometimes Mulan is Fa and sometimes she's near.' She didn't really understand why her mommy and daddy were rolling on the floor laughing!" Original post. Sorry if this isn't a proper post, I was kinda wishy-washy about posting unoriginal content but it made me laugh and I just had to share it! Hope it made ya smile :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daybreak_Comet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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Tutu

I work in IT for a school district. I was responding to a work order for a teacher at a Jr. High and he had a class in session so I stood quietly in the back until he had a free moment.

Teacher was explaining the objective for the day: "2-1 (two one is blah blah blah), and 2-2 (two two is blah blah blah)

Student: heh you said tutu

Teacher: tutu, yeah I like the ballet. (He makes a curtsy and it was funny because he is a larger guy). I was so hungry once I ate the tutu and it hurt my ballet (as he pats his tummy).

It took a second and the class burst out in laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thai_mish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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