reads paper

Sam Houston has given permission for tactical nuclear weapons to possibly be used in an effort to stem the blue tide that seeks to wipe democracy and peace from this cylinder forever.

As such, we propose that tactical nuclear weapons be used on the Inuit immediately.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

FILENAME: APUT OOA

“You dun even look dat touff.”

Family Name: Ooa (OH-AH)

Personal Name: Aput (AH - PUT)

Sex: Male

DOB: December 21st (first day of winter duh.)

Age: 9

Birthplace: Iqaluit, Nunavut, Canada

Demigod Related Conundrums: ADHD, Dyslexia

RELATIONSHIPS

Boreas, God of Winter and the North Winds - Father - Age: Immortal

Amka Ooa - Mother - Age: 34

Silla Ooa - Papa (Grandfather) - Age: 72

Caspian Kaito - Adoptive Big Brother - Age: 17

Mackenize Lee-Knoton - Adoptive Big Sister - Age: 14

APPEARANCE

Faceclaim here fam: here!

Height: 4"1

Physique:

He’s the average height for his age, perhaps even a bit on the shorter side. He weighs in at about 65 pounds and has started to build a good amount of muscle since arriving at camp. He has a light caramel skin stone. He’s very active and loves to explore and play outside. His favorite sport is hockey.

Clothing:

As of late, the son of Boreas has found himself wearing more and more black and darker-toned clothing items. He enjoys wearing bucket hats often or beanies with pomp-pomps on the top. He's recently got into wearing shorts in the wintertime, as he finds himself getting warmer than usual.

Hair:

He usually has short to medium-length brown hair. It grows really fast and since living on his own, he's neglected to get it cut often.

Voice:

He has a higher pitch voice due to his age. He laughs a lot, which can be rather infectious. When he gets angry he tends to yell very loud causing his voice to go up an octave. He also speaks with a bit of a lisp, mispronouncing his 'th' sounds often. He would also have a slight Inuut accent.

PERSONALITY:

Like that of winter. Aputs moods tend to shift with little warning. The boy is very passionate about most things that he does. He loves excitement, action, and adventure. This is apparent whenever he hosts any sort of game for the camp. He often gets offended when older campers talk down to him or make him feel younger in any means, even if he's among the youngest of campers. The boy also tends to have a bit of a seasonal temper. During the summer months, he's more on edge and gets annoyed a lot easier, whereas during the winter months he seems almost unphased by anything and alw

This apologetic rears it's head all over the "Book of Mormon is literal history" category of apologetics simply because of the complete lack of archaeological evidence for the Book of Mormon, but it also shows up around the Masonic Temple rites, Book of Abraham, etc.

It's the "grasping at straws and claiming they are rods of iron" form of apologetics.

I'll present two examples I have run into recently.

1. The Book of Mormon has swords, scimitars, javelins, knives, etc. used for war and claims they were forged weapons akin to the Sword of Laban from 600BC middle east.

No swords, scimitars, knives, etc. as weapons of war have been found in mesoamerica or even in any area the book of Mormon claims it could have occurred (heartland or meso geographies).

The half-truth or out of context mormon apologetic:

There have been "knives" found in the americas. The half-truth. What they are referring to is there are half circle shaped ceremonial cutting "knives". They aren't pointed daggers. They aren't used as weapons. They are used to skin hides, slice skin in ceremonial sacrifices, etc. So the complete picture of what the knives they are claiming as evidence is in fact NOT evidence that sustains the Book of Mormon. But they don't present the "whole" truth and they do so intentionally. They know they are misleading people when they attempt to claim these knives but they do it anyways.

In tandem, there have been "dagger" type knives found in the americas in the far northwest among the Inuit type people. Dishonest apologists refer to these as "evidence" for the Book of Mormon except for the fact they do NOT disclose that the majority if not all of those knives and their base metals were brought FROM Asia across the Bering straight and the peoples who had them were directly descended FROM Asia. They also have some horse related items such as bridle bits, etc. but again, that's because they came from Asia where they had horses, not due to any native horses in the Americas. But the apologists intentionally do NOT include that information choosing instead to just claim 'ancient metal knives have been found in the Americas'. They know the knives, the people who have them and their origin in Asia is NOT an evidence for the Book of Mormon, yet they intentionally mislead people by withholding that information in favor of the "ancient knives have been found".

2. The book of mormon has horses and chariots, etc.

There are no horses or chariots from the time of the book of

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)