A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, β€œBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.

β€œNo”, replies the burger, β€œbut I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”

β€œOh, sorry”, said the man, β€œI thought you were a meaty urologist”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What country is the easiest to get an infection from the germs?

Germ many

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokieokie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the parasite infect the person who had many health problems?

A HOST of reasons.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear there's a new strain of Covid infecting people who recently purchased a vehicle.

They're calling it the car owner virus.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tayrog77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Whether or not you get infected with COVID...

I’m sure we’re all sick of it by now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatisaginger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is this post similar to an infected arm?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
*Wakes up with ear infection*

Bat: I'M BLIIIIIND

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pirate's Island have to quarantine?

Because their 'Arrr' number was too high...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Son:What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?

Dad:Their effort goes in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_akshat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got over a bad staff infection.

Now I have a temporary employee infection.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway2032015
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Good 1 dad
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sorry but you can't ride your pony today it has a throat infection.

It's a little hoarse.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though

They got it right off the bat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m3m3sRc00l420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend infected me with a cold....

He sickens me

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mutation of the coronavirus that only infects cows?

BOVID-19

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strubel-Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you get a bladder infection?

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Helpful-Hayden
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a color infection?

Crayola virus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horses77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Coronavirus got infected with Chuck Norris.

It had to quarantine for 14 days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veritoast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Even though Antarctica has 0 infected with Covid-19, they're believed to be among the candidates to win the race for a vaccine

They're in pole position

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__KOBAKOBAKOBA__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the compass go to the doctor?

It had an East infection.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Trump's top aides have Coronavirus

It would appear he has a staff infection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WellWrested
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently they tried to weaponise yeast infections ......

It was truly bread for war.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayforder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.

I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Mr. Cleaver got a staph infection...

Ward have MRSA!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ax2ronn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My half sister just got a really bad infection just like me...

She's my Sepsis

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackwhitworth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an infected bowl of cereal?

Ebola Cereal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luaqs
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m the animal kingdom, it’s considered a heinous crime for a malaria-infected mosquito to bite.

The insect police force was tracking one of these malaria-mosquitos, when the mosquito fled to a farm. First, she tried to hide in the house, until the farmer chased her away with a newspaper. She tried to hide in the barn with the horses, but the barn cat took a few swipes at the mosquito, and chased it from the barn.

Finally, the mosquito set eyes on sheep in the pasture.she decided all that thick wool would be the perfect place to hide from the insect police force.

The police force arrived shortly after. They first went to the house. No mosquito. They searched the horses. No mosquito. Finally, they got to the pasture with the sheep. After searching and searching, they could not find where the mosquito had hidden.

The mosquito was on the lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadfullyBIzzy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hippo with a sinus infection?

A heaposnotamus

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/majblackburn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a covid face mask covered with random musical symbols...

It’s very noteworthy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The coronavirus has many names

But the election infection takes the cake for me

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScarletWoods
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the doctor say to the patient with a bladder infection?

Urine Trouble

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firebeast1972
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected...

I mean, the gall...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/overkillsd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad told me to wear my pants very high due to the pandemic

He said the best way to not get infected is to practice proper high-jeans

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_cat_says_woof
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My computer got infected with a virus so i asked my dad to help me.

He came to the computer and said : " it ran someware."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gujd97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Man, when you have a bladder infection...

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/6223Error
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
when you have a bladder infection...

...urine trouble!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellon_coliee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If you have a bladder infection.....

Urine trouble

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine Trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeaboolover
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you have a bladder infection

Urine trouble. πŸ€ͺ

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What does it mean when the doctor tells you that you have bladder infection?

Urine trouble

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealComradeMeep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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