Looks like the Democrats are going for a fruit-based strategy

They're going with either impeachment or impairment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What do you call a hearing impaired person who smokes weed

Hi-def

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Visually Impaired

Today my optometrist told me about a genetic condition I'm at risk for, based on my family history. Unfortunately, I won't be able to know if have it until later in life. He's said it's not something I need to be super worried about...

Just something to keep my eye on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperDan007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Apple to Release New Software Update for the Visually Impaired: iPatch

>i'm ^sorry ^^i'll ^^^show ^^^^myself ^^^^^out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EstusFiend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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How many hearing impaired people does it take to change a light bulb

Watt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hrethric_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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What do you call a hearing impaired big cat?

Def Leppard

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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What do you call a woman who has lost her earring?

Earring impaired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I was examining a lad's driving test.

At the end, he stopped us outside the test centre.

"You know," I began, "alcohol really impairs someone's judgements..."

The lad's lip quivered, "But I'm not drunk, mister."

"No," I replied, "I am, and you've passed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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My 5-year-old niece is a little shit.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.


Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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What do you call an Italian man with arm shorter than the other

Speech impaired

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πŸ‘€︎ u/multifuel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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What do you call a hearing impaired cat?

Def Leppard

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
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