Pun finding help: immigration edition

If you have any ideas about puns involving the terms immigration attorney, immigration and customs enforcement/ICE, and puns about immigration detention that would be amazing.

You guys are immigreat, thanks so much!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Noah271
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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No one in Antarctica has Covid-19

Its because they are ICE-O-LATED

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar

A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar in the middle of summer and orders a big glass of ice water. "Boy it's a scorcher out there," she says to the bartender. "Sometimes I wonder if it is too hot for the little guy in here." "Oh I wouldn't worry about it," the bartender replies. "It's probably just womb temperature."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, then line the hole with peas. When the polar bear goes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flipperbabies666
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What does Batman mix with his drinks ?

Just ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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That's cool!

Soda sold in cinema theaters and theme parks is the most lawful soda, because just-ice has been served.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jose-figueroa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Which rapper can you find in the refrigerator?

Ice Cube.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOwnBiggestFan
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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Relationships between hockey πŸ’ players and figure skaters are always doomed to failure.

No one is willing to break the ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What's Elsa's favorite thing about lockdown during covid?

Ice-o-lation

My 9yr old came up with this one all by herself while watching Frozen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usaussie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Terrorist walks into a bar and orders a vodka on the rocks

Bartender picks up a piece of ice, and asks "you like ice?"

Terrorist says "Yes, but more than one would be nice"

Bartender grabs another piece of ice and asks "so, you like ices?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farnesworth85
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Which weapon does the Grim Reaper use in the winter?

An ice sickle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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"Have you got something to drink friend?"

"Water."

"Something harder!!"

"Ice"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.

Lucille: β€œI have to get Dusty ice cream.” GF: β€œDusty ice cream doesn’t sound very good”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoff323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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What happens when you're alone and freezing ?

You feel ice-olated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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How do I cope with the echo in a glacier cave?

Ice cream.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Why did the kid throw an ice cream into the ocean?

He wanted to see if he could make an ice cream float..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/savagecheefer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?

Ice-olated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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I gifted my back door neighbors a ice crusher.

It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bernies-mitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Why does nobody in Antarctica have Covid-19?

Because they're too ice-o-lated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salman_R
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Best 'ice' puns. Go!

What are the best 'ice puns'? Trying to name a project in opposition to U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement, or ICE. Ideas needed. Thx in advance πŸ™πŸΌ Have a punderful day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnrqz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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i feel bad for the ducks in the frozen pond

luckily there’s a quack in the ice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akorical
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Chocolate ice cream

Working at an ice cream parlor there was a customer that insisted I serve him chocolate ice cream even though we were out of it. He just wouldn’t give up. So I said β€œlet’s play a game”. How many β€œvans” are in vanilla ice cream? -he said β€œone”(correct) So how many β€œstraws” are in strawberry ice cream? He said β€œone” again (correct) So then how many β€œ F’s” are in chocolate ice cream? He said there is no β€œF” in chocolate ice cream - I said β€œExactly- THERE IS NO F IN CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hujiadadi01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I'm so good at being a frozen mime.

I can do it with my ice clothes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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You know why the Titanic sank?

The captain was nervous and needed an ice breaker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Where do penguins sit at work?

In ice cubicles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I was at a Star Wars themed restaurant.....

I had Sky Walker soup. Wookie steak and Death Star ice cream.

The starter and the dessert were lovely, but the main course was a bit chewy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?

First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!

(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megsie72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What do you call a scandinavian bank robbery?

An H-ice-t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taken-_-already
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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What does Bruce Wayne drink with his scotch?

Just ice.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kill_Them_Back
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I slipped on the ice today, and when I got up I had a craving for pasta,

Must've been Italian ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What's the difference between the law and an ice cube?

One is justice and the other is just ice.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirGav1n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Why aren’t there any COVID-19 cases in Antarctica?

Because they’re all ice-olated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfboy78
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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If hell is hot, then heaven's gotta be cold

Guess that's why they call it paradice

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What does a polar bear eat

An ice burger

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoto798
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice Caps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?

Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KalNymeri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Little Johnny is in class on day

The teacher asks the class, β€œ there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?”

Johnny replies, β€œ none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.”

The teacher says, β€œ no three are left but I like the way you think.”

So then Johnny says, β€œ let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?”

The teacher says, β€œ the one sucking?”

Johnny says, β€œ no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnorakBeta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?

They know how to break the ice

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice Line the hole with peas When the polar bear bends over to take a pea, Ya kick it in the icehole!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeHoncho303
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
No one in Antarctica has COVID-19

It's because they are ice-o-lated.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Titanic

Sorry, that was a bad ice breaker.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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