I went to a deli and said, I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese
The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
I certainly soap you like it.
I think joule really likes this joke
I like the idea of podiums
They're a product I can really get behind
I have a hunch you will like this joke
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
I would like to say a joke on construction
I like jokes with a lot of soul in them.
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
I like this joke just like my spam emails.
I am like a modern day Zeus....
I am not strong or godlike I am just constantly horny.
I used to like telling Dad jokes.
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.
She took it as a condiment.
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
My wife came home with a bunch of spring flowers and asked where I'd like her to put them.
I said, " I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips."
I'd like to take this moment and say I endorse podiums.
That's a product I can stand behind!
I really like watching animes.
But sometimes the plot is too drawn out.
I didn't like my job, so I resigned.
But then I changed my mind, so I re-signed.
I’d like to stay for two Knights please.
I like to shit at 11:59pm and end at 12:05 am
I really don't like good elevators.
People say I’m like a broken record
People say I’m like a broken record
When I was younger, I felt like a man, trapped inside a woman body.
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.
I was commenting on how everyone at my cousin's science academy commencement looked like cylinders.
Since they're all... graduated.
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair
This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.
I really like Switzerland
and the flag is a big plus too.
I stopped shaving to see if I could get my first beard going. I wasn't sure if I was going to like it but...
then it really started to grow on me.
I was gonna tell a time travel joke but you didn’t like it.
I went to my cousin and said “skattadly bop biddop.” He didn’t like it so I replied “skiddly bip skattup.”
There’s more than one way to Scat a Kin.
Note: couldn’t crosspost from r/dadjokes. Just reposted my own post...
I feel like I always have to scratch my butt
It’s a perineal problem.
(Credit to wife for spontaneous punning)
I like people like I like my tea....
I like to pretend that I have Tourette Syndrome so I can cuss in public. Today I went wild on a crowded elevator.
Yeah. It was wrong on so many levels.
I don’t like spelling the word “definitely”
I always end up spelling it defiantly
I don’t really like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz,
I think he’s a poorly thought character
I like the name Frodo,
It really has a ring to it.
I don't like my friends either.
I feel like it’s made worse by the fact that it’s an Undertale remix
I need like 100 puns!
At my high school there's an annoying dude who hates puns so if you have any really bad ones I need you to comment...
I'm gonna send him to PUNintentiary!
I won't stop till he PUNches me!
I like telling dad jokes.
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."
Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."
I like telling dad jokes.
I like telling dad jokes
Sometimes he even laughs at them
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
