I suggested my son wear a hi-hat for hat day at school but he said no.
Apparently he's not into cymbalism.
Wow hi I've met my people on this subreddit
How do you say hi to a chinese cowboy?
What kind of church is built on top if a hi rise?
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
Hi I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.
Hi Red Squiggly Line, I'm Dad!
Child: Dad, can I rely on autocorrect?
Me: Definately
5YO: "Dad, I'm hungry AND DON'T SAY HI HUNGRY I'M DAD"
Me: "wow ... that's a very long name, hungryAndDon'tSayHiHungryI'mDad"
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
I said hi to alexander graham bells wife..
Computer: choose a password. Me: hi-hat
Computer: password cannot contain symbols
I always say "hi tired, I'm dad", but I got one upped tonight.
I said my goodnights but in return I got "Are you a broom?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You look sweepy"
Minotaur: Hi! Welcome to my labyrinth.
Allow me to give you a mino-taur.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. Nurse asked the rabbit what his blood type is
He replied " I am probably a Type O"
A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do"
Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
A horse walks into a bar and sits at a stool near the bartender. The bartender goes "Hi Horse, what can I get for you today?"
The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"
Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
Everyone tried so hard to figure out why Mr. Edwards changed his name to Mr. Evans
But after all these years, it's still a Mr. E
2018: « Yo, dude, get woke. » 2019: « C'me on, get woke, it's 2019 ! » 2020: «... Hi. Well you could get e-woke I guess. »
An electrician came home very late when night and his wife said
"Wire you insulate"
And he replied "Watts it to you? I'm Ohm ain't I?"
This is the first Dad joke I remember hearing, and it came from my older brother.
(We're not grading for quality here, right?)
My son told me he was hungry (not a "Hi Hungry I'm dad." joke)
Me: "You want me to make you a sandwich?"
Son: "Ummm ... sure."
Me: grabs two slices of bread and puts his hand in between them "There, you're a hand sandwich."
What does a clam do on his birthday?
Hi guys and WELCOME BACK to another video of The Disapproving Cabbage!
...If you liked this video and would like us to make more, lettuce no!
Oh hi Mark
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
My dad told me his password is: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin
Because he was told his password had to contain 8 characters and at least one Capital
where did captain hook get his hook?
A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"
Son : "Hi Dad. I'm hungry", I am prepared for what he has to say.
Dad : let's order some food.
Hi! What do you call a physically fit grains farmer?
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
Hi honey I'm pregnant. Hi pregnant, I'm dad.
You all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But did you know his brother Frank
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