U wot m8. I sent that shit back.
A fortnight ago, some madlad said that Branston bakes beans were better than Heinz Beanz. However, this plonker didn’t do it blind and they used ‘no added sugar’ beanz. So I decided to do it properly.
This was a blind taste test. My girlfriend put the beans(/z) into three separate pots, and I ate them in order, A to C (clockwise). Between each mouthful I refreshed my palette with a swill of cold coffee – the perfect palette cleanser. I tried each without toast first, and then with a medium-sized nibble of toast. I noted my blind impression and finally ordered the beanz by preference. Here are my results.
Qualitative Feedback:
A. [Branston] A rich, thick, umami jus. Bean texture not too soft, not too hard. A nice robust bean, but not too chewy either.
B. [Heinz] Wet and sweet. Bean texture sloppy, and a little on the mushy side. Sauce a touch thin. Good tomato aftertaste, but little else to recommend it. Sloppiness less apparent with toast.
C. [Asda Own Brand] Flavour unsubstantial, honestly a little bland. Pleasant colour, but that’s all I can really say for it. Bean a little on the al dente side. Certainly, the toughest of the three beans, and with the chewiest bean-shells. But hardness preferable to the mushiness of bean B. If they sorted the flavour out, this’d be nicer.
The final verdict: Branston > Heinz > Asda
Branston won it by a country mile folks. It had a nice rich tomato flavour, and the beans were not too sloppy and not too hard. Heinz was second, which, given the cost vs Asda you might expect. But honestly Heinz and Asda were neck and neck. Branston was the clear frontrunner. Heinz too sloppy, with thin sauce and oversweet. Asda was in last, but it was close. It wasn’t oversweet or over-mushy but it was just a little tasteless, a little cardboardy and a little on the chewy side.
Not what I expected. I thought Heinz would win it. But the results speak for themselves. My one strike against Branston is that their cans didn’t have a pull top, which is pretty unforgivable in this day and age honestly.
I have received no money or sponsorship from any bean manufacturer and would be willing to sign an affidavit to that effect.
[Clockwise: Branston, Heinz, Asda Own brand](
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Microwave? Hob? Or other?
Despite loving Tex-Mex food etc I cannot give up my love of Heinz beans, but don't like the ones they have here. That leaves me two choices - get them from the local supermarket way overpriced and dented to fuck mostly. Get them from Amazon at a bit cheaper price and enjoy a lottery of how many cans are dented. How much do they cost in the UK now? It's about $15 for 6 online!
Like to last a month or two, three.
Whenever I talk to my international friends and tell them that I am going to eat baked beans on toast, they recoil in disgust. Saying "That's fucking disgusting." Well I am sorry Sarah but shit like beans are good for you and I will tell you why.
Toast is just the foundation for this wonderful meal.. White bread you can't go wrong but brown bread is doable, when it is black, go back and try again. Always make sure the bread is toasty otherwise it be a soggy mess.
Beans glorious beans! The best type is Heinz Baked Beans, best shit around, I am telling you, if they make this stuff into a sniffable powder, I'm down. The tomato variety is the best variety and the only variety you should be using.
This part is what separates the chefs from the amateurs. Adding grated cheddar cheese over the beans on toast will give it that kick.
Just saying, beans on toast is king.
So help me God, this may be my favorite Who song.
The best aspect I like about Mad Men is that it's not preachy, yet very poignant and effective.
The best example of that: When Piggy Olson tried to put her foot down after her second presentation with the Heinz Backed Beans, the client was being an idiot and was happy having them running in circles for him. So her decision to put him in his place was quite on point in my opinion, and we have seen Don Draper taking the same position in a similar situation, yet in her case it went badly.
Not because she was experienced or her presentation skills wasn't as good, but because the client was so angry at being challenged by a woman.
Now I am a normal guy who naturally sympathies with women's causes, but some things on TV get on my nerves sometimes, on any other show they would have turned the point into some kind of soapy clichéd preachy point about women's right. However, the creators let you draw the comparison yourself, don't overstate anything and let you realize how screwed up the environment was back then with everybody blaming her. Very subtle but potent
I wish every social commentary work was like that.
The campfire ad Peggy pitched was way better than that generational claptrap Megan and Don pushed at dinner.
Heinz beans are effectively really mediocre beans floating in watered down Heinz tomato ketchup. They have no flavour or texture and Heinz has the audacity to set their slogan to "Beanz Meanz Heinz" like they own the joint. I may be far too passionate about this, but I have been on this planet for 22 years and have tasted many a tin of beans in my short time and I cease to be underwhelmed by Heinz and their rather lackluster and expensive entry to the global tinned bean market.
A whole can is only 330 calories. I see a lot of people complaining about the sugar and salt, but who gives a fuck if it's a little sweet? I just ate a can and it felt like a feast when I threw in a couple eggs.
Any downsides to heinz beans?
They are objectively better...
