A list of puns related to "Canned beans"
Chiliest day of the year.
Because one more would make it too farty.
To get Heinzsight.
Well you see, the resemblance is un-canny.
Told them to have a rootin' tootin' Valentine's day.
239, one more and you’d be too farty
Credit: u/theboomerman and where ever he got it from
If there were 288, it would be two gross.
in Heinz sight, it was a bad idea.
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
Or I can try to make parrots instead...
In thick Irish accent
Because if there were one more it’d be too farty
Gaseous Clay
I don't know how they've supported my weight.
I can’t believe they’re spilling the beans. I hope it doesn’t ketchup with them.
This is a joke that was told to me by a Boston Duck Boat tour guide. I was reminded of this joke because of today's Julian Date(240).
Why are there only 239 beans in every can of Boston Baked Beans?
Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too fahty (bad Boston accent)
A can't of beans
My son was opening a can of beans.
"You know", I said, "they can only put 239 beans in a can".
"Why?"
"They don't want to make it too farty (240)!"
But at the door there was a sign saying no chocolate allowed. M&M hesitates.
"Hey guys, I might skip this one. I'm a chocolate. I'll catch you guys later" Skittle and Jelly Bean protest. "Nah man, you'll be fine, you're candy on the outside. Come in with us, it'll be fun!" Says his cousin Skittle. "Yeah, if anyone has a problem with you, we'll look after you" says Jelly Bean.
M&M decides he will go in, encouraged by his friends. They all have a good time, and no one mentions anything about M&M being chocolate on the inside.
The night is going well then suddenly the front door bangs open and in walks Vick and his gang of vapour drops. The party goes quiet as Vick surveys the room. His eyes stop on M&M.
"What the fuck are you doing M&M? Can't fucking read the sign? No chocolate allowed."
"But I'm candy on the outside, it's OK, right guys?" Protests M&M weakly. Jelly Bean and Skittle back off into the shadows, leaving M&M by himself.
" I think we need to teach this smart ass chocolate a fucking lesson, let's take this outside." Says Vick.
The vapor drops grab M&M and drag him outside and start beating him up, cracking his shell through to his chocolate. The gang walk away leaving M&M barely conscious on the lawn.
The next day in hospital, Jelly Bean and Skittle come to visit their friend, feeling bad for him. "Why didn't you guys stick up for me?" Asks M&M. "Man, you know Vick, there was nothing we could do, he's fucking menthol."
Because if they had one more, they'd be too farty.
He can make beans talk.
We were grocery shopping and we're in the canned bean aisle:
Me: do you see any chilly beans? Him: No....they all look pretty warm to me.
I think it's finally time even if he keeps denying it. He's ready
She was buying a bunch of canned beans. I asked her why.
She replied "To make you chili."
"Good luck. I'm wearing a jacket."
The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”
The barista shakes her head.
“A mocha?”
She shakes her head again.
“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”
She shakes her head.
“An affogato?”
She shakes her head.
The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”
The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”
The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.
The barista grabs it too.
They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.
The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”
The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”
then she giggled and said “we can’t eat those now, they’ve bean on the floor”
Things were going well at the dad jokes conference.
Then someone spilled a can of beans.
NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?
I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.
We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion
Bf's dad: Did you know that every can of beans only has two hundred and thirty nine beans?
Me: Oh really?
Bf's dad: Yeah, if there were one more they'd be too farty.
...Didn't even see that one comin'.
My wife was working on a green bean casserole and couldn't find one of the ingredients.
Wife: Have you seen the can of fried onions?
Me: What does it look like?
Wife: White container, red writing.
Me [Feigning hopeful tones]: Little red writing?
Wife [Relieved]: Yeah!
Me: ...hood?
Wife brandishes knife.
Long post is long:
Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!
Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.
Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!
Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!
Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...
Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.
Her: Thyme is running out...
Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!
Her: Aim for Potato Garden!
Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!
Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!
Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!
Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!
Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!
Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.
Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!
Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!
The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.
Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!
Are the spinach still operational?
Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.
Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...
Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!
Her: And the squashes and peas!
Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!
The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.
**Her:
... keep reading on reddit ➡A while back, my mom was freaking out because it takes forever for the whole family to show up at the table. As she was ranting, this exchange happened.
mom: doggone it, we've got cold beans!
long pause
Dad: I believe the expression is "cool beans".
The next few minutes were straight out of a 90s sitcom. All three of us kids choking back laughter, my mom giving my dad the death stare, and my dad just sitting there with a "totally worth it" face. Words can not describe the rant that followed.
And this probably wasn't as funny as it sounds but i laughed so much. Somehow he managed to open the fridge so heavy handedly a bowl of baked beans fell out and all over him and he yelled "I'VE BEAN HAD" I can't help but chuckle still, what a guy.
Dad: 'You know it's illegal to sell more than 239 beans in a can in Ireland?'
Me: 'sigh, why, Dad?'
Dad: (Irish accent) 'Because if there's even just one more in the can, it'll be two-farty'
We have a ten week old son and his humor has gotten lamer and lamer by the day. We moved our coffee table out of the way to vacuum and I said, 'It would be really cool to just put a giant love sack there instead of a table' (a love sack is one of those giant bean bag chairs).
He looked at me and without missing a beat belts out 'Cuz a loooove sack, is a little old place where....we can sit to-getherrrrrrr.' Laughs at his own joke... All the way up the stairs.
And it begins.
TL;DR Rock lobster
Visited my dad tonight: he seemed a little under the weather. I asked what was wrong and he said he was having digestive problems because he'd eaten "Black Bean and Andouille Sausage" soup for lunch.
"The beans I can handle, but the sausage was my andouilling."
http://imgur.com/DspBxfM "I don't want to kale the mood, but sadly, my tomatoes didn't ketchup to yours. I think they bean squashed. Lettuce cue cumbersome thoughts so we can build courgettes! Bury them so they carrot in the ground: tuber or not to be, that is the question!"
Let's just say the taste and smell wasn't the best. My daughter (we can call her LD) was refusing to eat any more when my wife reminded her that she wouldn't get any dessert unless she ate a few more bites. I notice that LD was just barely eating two black beans off her spoon. I looked at BDH and LD and said "I don't blame you for only eating the beans. The rest is just fowl." It took a few seconds before hearing the groans we all love so much.
We were at Starbucks and at the counter, there was a Proposition 65 warning that ground coffee beans give off a chemical that can give cancer. My dad then turns to me and says, "Pilots must not get cancer. They always stay away from the ground. Pilots also have to follow some strict ground rules." I groaned, and he finished it off by saying, "Hey, you better watch it. I might just ground you." Well played, Dad. Well played.
Vladimir eating a bean burrito.
Facepalm dad.
He also had one and I will quote:
"What do Dateline, Anderson Cooper 360 & 20/20 have in common?"
"I don't know dad. Can we just have lunch?"
"The first two are news shows and the third is what your mother drank for breakfast....Get it? Like MadDog 20/20."
Then, arm to God, he went
My grandma said that her dad used to get home with groceries and when she'd ask him how he was he'd pull out a can of beans out of the groceries and say "I've bean better"
If there’s one more, it would be too farty.
If there was one more it would be two-farty
Because one more is too farty
Because if there was one more it would be 240 (Too farty)
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