When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, โHa! Thatโs not going to help!โ
โSure, it does.โ I said. โItโs the only way I can see the numbers.โ
๐︎ 14k
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︎ Apr 06 2020
Ha ha ha
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Ha
๐︎ 18
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Ha ha
๐︎ 3k
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︎ Nov 17 2019
HA!
๐︎ 70
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︎ May 02 2020
Ha Icyyy
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Ah Ha Ha
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︎ May 01 2020
Ha Ha this is funny joke english is fourth language
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︎ Jun 12 2019
Ha, that's funny
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︎ Jan 10 2020
๐︎ 19
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︎ Jan 28 2020
Ha. Its got no eyes.
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Ha. Movie trailer.
๐︎ 90
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︎ Dec 22 2019
A ha, he took on the job.
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︎ Feb 19 2020
A ha geddit reddit
๐︎ 86
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︎ Oct 13 2019
Ha, is the funny joke
๐︎ 30
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︎ Sep 24 2019
Ha! Got em!
๐︎ 39
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︎ Nov 21 2019
Ha, cashew
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Ha!
๐︎ 41
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︎ Sep 02 2019
ha punny
๐︎ 821
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︎ Apr 05 2019
Ha!
๐︎ 38
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︎ Nov 02 2019
Get it positive ha
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︎ Nov 11 2019
ha ha ha, classic comedy
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︎ Sep 23 2019
Make it grate. Like grating cheese. ha ha
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︎ Jul 29 2019
Aha..ha..he
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︎ Mar 25 2019
Ha.
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︎ Aug 04 2019
HA
๐︎ 41
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︎ Aug 14 2019
Ha get the pun?
๐︎ 120
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︎ Mar 11 2019
what a pussy, ha
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jul 07 2019
What goes "Ha ha ha Bonk"
A man laughing his head off
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︎ Nov 24 2019
If Ke$ha moved to England...
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︎ Nov 09 2019
๐︎ 6
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︎ Apr 25 2019
๐︎ 95
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︎ Nov 12 2018
Ha! Rad-ish! Get it!? ๐๐
๐︎ 45
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︎ Jan 18 2019
HA
๐︎ 19
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︎ May 04 2019
Ha! Get it?
๐︎ 94
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︎ Apr 23 2018
Ha
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︎ Jun 20 2018
If youโre happy and you know it clap your ha- oh.
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︎ Feb 04 2019
๐︎ 7
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︎ Aug 03 2019
Ha ha I love puns
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︎ Dec 16 2018
HA!
๐︎ 6
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︎ Mar 26 2019
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
๐︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Ha ha funny pun,get it?
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︎ Aug 18 2018
Which animal has the biggest breasts
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Ha!
๐︎ 20
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︎ Nov 06 2018
Ha!
๐︎ 41
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︎ May 17 2018
Ha
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︎ Jan 10 2019
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Ha nice
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︎ Oct 20 2018
Ha
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︎ Jul 24 2018
Has anyone been to Engagement, Ohio ?
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Sep 28 2020
After being holed up in the house due to Covid, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Wife just asked "Do we have any antique wax?" "Don't you mean duck repellent?", I said. "Ha... ha... ha." she said.
๐︎ 15
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︎ Oct 09 2018
My wife insisted she has nudist genes
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
๐︎ 8k
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What has five toes but isn't your foot?
My foot.
Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)
๐︎ 19k
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︎ Sep 03 2020
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
(I'll see myself out)
๐︎ 14k
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︎ Sep 01 2020
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
๐︎ 16k
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Aug 21 2020
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Has anyone realize โThe IRSโ
๐︎ 590
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︎ Oct 08 2020
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Aug 21 2020
My left knee has never committed a crime.
I canโt say the same for his felony.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
๐︎ 359
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︎ Sep 23 2013
This joke has wings
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︎ Oct 08 2020
๐︎ 10
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︎ Feb 26 2017
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Aug 02 2020
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Ireland has the worlds fastest growing capital city...
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︎ Oct 11 2020
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
I'll see myself out
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peek-A-Boo accident?
๐︎ 96
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Doctor: Your body has ran out of magnesium.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still canโt say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Did you know Yoda has a last name?
๐︎ 636
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
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︎ Oct 13 2020
My ex actually has 3 spirit animals:
๐︎ 87
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Breaking News: In the Atlantic Ocean a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint
Itโs believed both crews have been marooned
๐︎ 5k
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Always has bean.
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︎ Oct 18 2020
What has questionable principles and flies?
Mike pence during tonightโs debate.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
A lorry load of wigs has been stolen
Police are combing the area
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︎ Oct 06 2020
๐︎ 3
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︎ Dec 10 2015
My addiction to refrigerated poultry has gone too far
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︎ Aug 21 2020
A doctor told a patient that his body has run out of magnesium.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
What has three legs and three eyes?
๐︎ 73
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︎ Oct 04 2020
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Nobody in Antarctica has Covid-19
It's because they're ice-o-lated.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
๐︎ 25
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︎ Oct 06 2020
What do you call a debt whoโs wife has left them?
๐︎ 7
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︎ Oct 14 2020
What has two wheels and flies?
๐︎ 10
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Credit to @comicsbyandy for this political cartoon that also has a pun
https://preview.redd.it/juu01g2we3s51.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=363c4e4cc3b0dd44ac8193dcdb74ee01bc854813
๐︎ 3
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Apparently every police department has a food division
However, they only take cases involving a salt and buttery.
๐︎ 14
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︎ Oct 14 2020
What do you call a person who makes dad jokes but has no kids?
๐︎ 45
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︎ Oct 02 2020
With the crazy year 2020 has been, if Trump wins again would it be... arMAGAddon?
๐︎ 3
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︎ Oct 08 2020
This one has Sole
๐︎ 30
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︎ Oct 01 2020
My core temperature has been lowered to absolute zero.
๐︎ 14
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︎ Oct 05 2020
What has apples and 3.14 slices?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What do you call a cow that only has two legs
๐︎ 6
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
๐︎ 9
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︎ Oct 09 2020
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. โHaยญยญ! Thatโs not going to help,โ she said.
โSure, it does,โ I said. โItโs the only way I can see the numbers.โ
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Jun 30 2019
What has two butts and kills people?
๐︎ 337
๐
︎ Aug 22 2020
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