A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
Did you hear about the church musician who died suddenly?
Turns out it was organ failure.
As a woman who worked for the church this past year, guess how much sex I had?
My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...
I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.
What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
The seating columns at my church are going through a period of awkward changes...
***Pew***berty, in other words.
Why did the Japanese brewer take fermented rice to church ?
Whst did the church mouse say to the other mice?
Have you accepted cheeses as your lord and saviour?
The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO
Massively Multiprayer Online
Friend: ...my wife is uncomfortable with them because they’ve joined the church of Satan. Like, he showed me his membership card. They’re paid members, man.
Me: well; someone has to pay the devil’s dues
Friend: damn it.
What did the vegetarian priest say at church?
A man goes to his church to ask the priest a question.
"How much does it cost to get a church-singing group?" the man asks.
The priest replies, "you mean, a choir?"
"Uh, okay, I didn't think that mattered. How much does it cost to acquire a church-singing group?"
I was in church the other day and the vicar was pointing his finger going "Pew, pew, pew". I asked him if he was pretending to fire a laser pistol or something...
He said "Nope, just counting the seats".
Why did the priest have to throw away the church?
Because it was parishable.
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks “why should I hire you?” The applicant responded “I have a special talent!”
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
What did the gunslinger see when he entered the church?
How do members of the Catholic Church pay each other?
They use papal transactions
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Today a naked man ran into our church and disrupted the service...
He was eventually caught by the organ.
The bishop who came to my church was an impostor.
Never once did he move diagonally.
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'
She was watching our wedding video again.
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...
"No, but your hat's on crooked."
Why don’t catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?
Why does the skeleton go to church?
It keeps him on the straight and marrow.
What did the priest say when he saw that the church was on fire?
What did the pot smoking church bell say at 1 AM?
Why's a church the worst place to go during a war?
Because of all the pews.
pew, pew, pew pew pew!
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
I went to church in the garden
The preacher said lettuce pray
Did you know there is a church for the Eagles?
They are birds of pray after all.
A swat team barges through the front door of a church
The priest says “I can’t remember the last time a bunch of men came in here that intensely.... or can I?”
Saw this car on the way to church today. Instant karma!
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs
The priest at our church wanted to do something different with the place where sacrifices are made...
What's the best ecosystem to build a church in?
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.
He asked, "do you mean a choir?"
I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
What did the church mouse say to the other mice?
Have you accepted cheeses as your Lord and Savior?
Why did the melons get married in a church?
Why did the melons get married in a church instead of Vegas?
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”
She is watching our wedding video again.
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”
She is watching our wedding video again.
What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
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