Guy (band) Puns

credit to fang0654 who replied this to my previous post to expand off the joke "did you know lead is technically death metal since you can die just being around it"

Bare Metal

Oh snap!

Thanks for every ting.

It was just one ting after another with him.

He said he was "Polyjamorous."

It’s called ‘The Trail Mix’

They caught him because he was playing sham-rock

Called Mount Rushmore

I just have to work out a few Kinks.

I like their song “Baa Moo Rising”

Who is.

He dyed.

Probably not, they haven’t had any Gigs yet

They would be known as 'Sirs Drumming'

Bad joke and pun intended on the infamous Swedish fish

I forgot my favorite song! I have jamnesia.

Who was that guy who bit my neck? Vamnesia.

I’ve been out of school so long, I can’t remember what it was like to stay up all night studying. I have cramnesia.

What band was George Michael in? Wham!nesia.

I can’t recognize my blood relatives…famnesia is a terrible condition.

I never pay enough attention to advertising emails to remember them — spamnesia comes in handy!

I used to drive the ice-smoothing machine, but forgot how. Zamnesia.

I’ve had memory issues ever since that aggressive sheep headbutted me. Ramnesia!

I could never be a prison guard, because I have a condition that prevents me from recognizing escapees: lamnesia.

I can never remember the names of women who are my social superiors…I have ma’amnesia.

What do they call that big concrete wall that blocks the Colorado River? Sorry, I have damnesia.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever eaten mussels — my clamnesia is acting up.

What did we eat during last year’s holidays? I have hamnesia.

Who’s that celebrity chef from New Orleans? I got a bad case of BAMnesia!

we covered the Doors

…came up with any other catchy phrases…

"Macaroni."

Groans all around.

Can you guys come up with toilet-based puns for musicians/band names? Like Poo Fighters, Turdy Seconds from Mars, sTool, Pee Diddy, Our Lady Piss, Fart Minor, Michael Pooplé. That's all I have for now :D

Some guy: "It's raining cats and dogs!"

Another guy: "Yeah, it might even rain a bear!"

Band director: "Then it'd be bearly raining!"

It was nice to hear a dadjoke in the wild like that.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

The band I'm in was setting up for an outdoor gig in the heat of the late summer afternoon. The drummer (an old guy) said, "Time to pick up my biggest fan!" He strolled over to his car and grabbed a box fan and set it up near his drum set.

I can't believe I took him seriously for a minute.

... and my dad was the first to comment with "These guys got a heep o' great tunes!"

It was hot inside the venue. Shtty Adlts played a sweet set and said, "Thanks guys, and especially to our biggest fan," and pointed at the industrial fan.

"Are you guys having fun?"

crowd cheers

"Hi, having fun, we're Dads."

We had some drinks, nice guy, wants to be in a heavy metal-band

last time my coworkers had to suffer through my puns this time my poor cousin got to

-I feel some jokes a brewing, we got a 60% chance of punderstorms tonight

-I was just pundering, what you think of these jokes

-The guy on the football team with the best jokes is the punter

-What do you call a comedy metal band? Puntera

-I hope you punderstand these jokes

-I hope you're not sleepun through all these

-My Favorite pie is Punpkin

-These are pretty Punbeliveable ayy?

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

My parents are selling the house and yesterday we had people checking it out along with the real estate agent.

Now I'm a metalhead and that's pretty obvious when you see my room. I got band posters and flags, loads of CD's and two guitars there.

So when it was all over, the agent came to me and told me I have a great taste of music. I told him I expected him to be more of a house guy. I don't think he got it.

Talking to a friend of mine who is at a marching band competition for her little brother.

>Me: Did you guys make it to the next round?

>Her: We find out in about an hour.

>Me: Yikes, that's stressful.

>Her: Yeah, and we have no idea where we stand.

>Me: Hopefully, on the field.

You're all invited to the baby shower.

Go figure I got out joked by a Grandpa. I was talking to my father-in-law and the following took place.

Me: I have a great idea. I'm going to get a bunch of young good looking hispanic guys and make a bilingual boy band.

... (he's looking at his phone)

I'm gonna call it Juan Direction.

... (he looks up)

FIL: I saw something that said Juan Direction online.

Me: oh?

FIL: It said south.

Every year we go on a family beach vacation, and usually one night of the week we go out to a bar and drink. We had been at the bar for about an hour and a half, and the band was coming back from their set break...

Me: I don't know about you guys, but I'm about to go cut the rug...

Cousin: I'm gonna go cut the wood floor cuz I'm gonna dance so hard...

Dad: (looks at his watch) I'm going to cut out, I'm pretty tired.

Then he actually got up and left.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

• With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?

• Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.

Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!

All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.

• Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.

I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.

He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."

Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.

These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.

My parents and I are just finishing up some Fringe on TV and my mom says, "You know that song 'I think I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so?'" And I say, "Yeah, I think that band is called The Vacuums or something."My dad says: "Yeah, that band really sucks." I look it up online and it turns out that band is actually named The Vapors. I tell my parents that, being a good guy and all, and totally willing to admit when I'm wrong, and my dad says, "Oh, that band? They really stink." I cannot wait. I CANNOT WAIT to be a Dad and tell Dad jokes.

We were a heavy metal band.

Mount Rushmore