Goofy Puns

The Adventures of Hyuck-leberry Finn

Hyuck-lberry Finn

Gorscht.

Goofy: Which one?

Mickey: Disney!

Selma Hyuck

Gawrsh Brooks

http://i.imgur.com/bYNBvEK.jpg

Saw this on /r/funny figured you guys might like it

My dad has this habit of pretending he didn't hear what you said, and then "repeating" it. Like if I said I was going to see an art show, he'll say, "You're going to a FART show? I had no idea you'd have any interest in that!" Lots of jokes along those lines, amongst others.

When I was younger I would laugh because he was kinda funny, and also to make him happy, but as I've gotten older I laugh not JUST because he's funny (in a corny way) but because the fact he still makes these jokes makes me so happy and really warms my heart. My mom is physically disabled, my dad has a bunch of health issues, we've all suffered terribly at times because of all this illness. And no matter how bad it gets, my dad is always there trying his hardest to put a smile on other people's faces and to lighten the mood a bit with his jokes. I've always been the type of girl to mope and be depressed when things are hard, but as I've gotten older I've tried to be more like my old man because I think it's something really special and admirable and selfless about stepping outside of your own negativity to give others something to laugh at or smile about. My dad is such a fuckin hero, I love him so much, and I can't imagine how unbearable this world would seem at times without him trying to make us all laugh.

So to all you dads telling your corny dad jokes, don't ever stop. Your kids and wife might groan or roll their eyes, but inside they love their corny old man and appreciate the goofy puns and fart jokes you tell!

But the judge tells him...

" I'm sorry Mickey.. But I can't grant you a divorce just because you say your wife is a little weird."

Mickey says..

" I didn't say she was a little weird... I said she was Fucking Goofy !"

roll up both ends of your tie and ask, "Which end do you think's gonna unfurl the fastest?"

After they make their guess (or sarcastic remark)--pause for effect--create the atmosphere-- and let them drop!

They'll look at the tie first, then slowly pan up to your goofy grin..

and that's when you raise your arms and exclaim, "It's a TIE!!"

But most just have 4.

It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.

He was charged with being Goofy

... isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

No. Because's she's fucking Goofy!

I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???

An orca-stra.

This knee.

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

Goofy girl! After 6 months of trying, she finally came to her senses.

The judge asked, "So you want to divorce your wife because she's crazy?"

Mickey went, "I think what you heard me say was that she's fucking Goofy!"

It's been nice gnawing you!

From my goofy coworker... :)

To make Donald Duck.

Hi guys, I have a friend who has recently has surgery on her back to remove some cysts. I'm going to give her a get well card and I want to put as many back/cyst/surgery/recovery/etc. related puns or general sayings as I can for a goofy card that will hopefully give her some chuckles.

E.g. "You're like a CYSTer to me", "Hope you get BACK to being well soon", "You've been through enough PUNishment". Etc.

Help me Reddit you're my only hope. :)

At the checkout at Sear's, this kinda goofy older gentelman was ringing me up and he was walking me through all the prompts on how to slide my card, press OK, etc. He finally jokes to turn to the left then turn to the right.

I tell him, " You know, I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey... but I turned myself around." He erupted with a guffaw as if it was the funniest he had heard all day.

My dad had a real goofy and dadly sense of humor. He past a way about 4 years ago but all the jokes here remind me of the ones he used to make. I'm smiling so hard as I go through these.

One of my favorites was the mole joke: One day a house near a molehill was making pancakes. Daddy mole comes up, sniffs, and says,"I smell pancakes." Mamma mole pops up next to him, sniffs, and says I smell pancakes too!" Baby mole hears his parents but can't get past their rear ends. So he says,"All I smell is molasses!"

7 year old me was in tears every time!

Her "What dog walks on two legs?"

Me "uhhh...?"

Her "Goofy! What mouse walks on two legs?"

Me "uhmm.."

Her "Mickey! What duck walks on two legs?"

Me "Donald!"

Her "All of them!"

I am currently in a intercultural communication class in college. Because its the beginning of the semester we always have to do some goofy activity and because the class is about culture everyone would tell something interesting about theirs. So this little Asian kid in class starts talking about customs growing up. He says how when he was little he remembers his father farting, and his dad asking why he is not clapping "in this culture you clap after your father farts." The whole time hes telling this I am thinking...no way...this dad is a savage. I kind of got a feeling he was starting to pick up on it, he started talking slow and thinking about it. Long story short: he clapped after his dad farted presumably for years, practicing their culture. What do you think?

I'm wearing a Thundercats t shirt, and right before i left, this exchange took place

"Is that a Thundercats shirt?"

pulls off safety vest to reveal awesome Thundercats shirt

"That is an awesome Thundercats shirt. You're pretty young though, wouldn't have thought you'd have seen it on tv"

"Yeah, I just caught the tail end of it."

cracks goofy smile

He just chuckled and facepalmed then walked away.

I've used this one many times, never gets old.

My brother's wife recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and being a new father, my brother and dad sat down to talk. I heard my brother expressing his concerns about being a new father, and all the challenges it would bring. My dad just smiled and put his hand on my brother's shoulder, pulling out a big, goofy colored book titled '1001 Dad Jokes.' With this, my brother began to tear up. He looked at my dad and said "Dad...I'm honored." My dad, with some tears of pride in his eyes as well sniffled and said...

"Hi honored, I'm Dad."

Me: "Yea, it was intense"

Dad: "Like the indians..." flahes goofy smile in anticipation for laughs

My coworker asked if he could borrow my iPhone to use the hotspot. I noticed I needed to change my password since I haven't updated it in awhile.

> Me: What should my password be?

>Coworker: I don't know make it something goofy. It doesn't matter.

>Me: (updates password) Alright, here you go. Let me know when you are done.

>Coworker: (After looking at the phone) Seriously...?

Password - somethinggoofy

Not a dad, but this is in line with it all.
It was a party around Halloween-time, but not specifically a Halloween party. Things were wrapping up, people were heading out and my roommates were saying goodbye.

They were doing some goofy ass handshake, bumping fists, slapping, all that dumb shit.

While they're wasting time, I look on the table and see various Halloween decorations, including body parts made out of Jell-O. They're slightly jiggling, as all Jell-O molds seem to do.

I quietly mumble "Hehe... handshake."

The host of the party looks at me and says "Are you making fun of our hand shake?"

Without saying anything else, I reach over to the table, pick up the plate the Jell-O zombie hand is on, hold it close to his face, wiggle it back and forth and repeat "Hand shake".

He grabs me by the back of my shirt and drags me out of the apartment. I thought it was funny.

Recently, my mother started smelling a coolant leak from our refridgerator. She called the repair man and he started work. Several hours later, he had his diagnosis, and it wasn't good. The whole machine was going to need to be replaced. Just as he was finishing up, my dad walked in. My dad asked the repair man what the damages were, and he explained that the coolant intake had sprung a leak. The whole unit was sealed, and air was now getting in and contaminating the entire system. The repair costs of the fridge would be about the same as getting a new one. My dad just sighed and looked at his hands.

Dad: "It sucks." He looked at the repair man with a goofy grin on his face. The repair man thought for a moment before answering.

Repair man: "Yeah... it does suck." Then both men cracked up laughing.

Been a fan of this sub for nearly a year but I never thought I'd post here, then tonight my nine year old daughter left me speechless because she actually turned this classic around on me.

Laying on the couch, she hugged my foot. Me: "You're goofy" Her: "Last time I checked, my name was not 'Goofy' "

I heard this joke a while ago, and I'm not sure if its at the dad joke level of corniness. Here it is:

Two nuns are driving, when suddenly, a vampire appears on the front of the road.

One nun says to the other "Quick, show 'em your cross!"

The other nun shouts out the window "Get off the road ye goofy bastard!"

My family was watching one night and one of the dancer pairs was going to perform a pasodoble (pah-so-doh-blé - Spanish). But one of the dancers was injured or otherwise unable to perform, and my dad remarks, "Looks like it'll have to be a pasosinglé."

Goofy grin and chuckles.

OK so a little background. My dad and stepmom recently adopted a chiwawa who had been abused by its previous owners. At first he was extremely skiddish but eventually warmed up and now is a pretty chill, albeit goofy, little guy. My brother was petting him last night and out of no where he gets defensive and turns and bites his leg.

My step mom goes, "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Hes still funny like that sometimes. Isn't he (my dad)?"

My dad non chalantly replies, "I laugh at him all the time."

Me and my brother were just losing it.

“I didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy”

Because she was fucking goofy.

The judge said, "I can't approve the divorce just because you think your wife is crazy."

Mickey says, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking goofy."

Edit: autocowrecks

Because she was fucking Goofy.

Mickey said "I didn't say she was silly. I said she was fucking Goofy!"