What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

AU!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_8_my_pasta_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Gold walks into a bar

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkunzler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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How do you get a bar of gold's attention?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenTeh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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A rich man who got sent to jail decided to pay to upgrade his prison cell.

He is now behind gold bars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyckt206
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I once partook in a bar brawl

The bar I used was made out of gold, so I lost.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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A communist walks into a bar

He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.

β€œWhat’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.

β€œNothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.

β€œYou don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.

β€œNo!” Replied the communist.

β€œLook,” said the bartender β€œyou can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

β€œDo you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.

The bartender stepped back, shocked. β€œWell now you’re just Stalin!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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When my dad was trying to teach me the periodic table..

Dad-" How do you get a gold bar's attention?"

Au!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmnater101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salman_R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I stubbed my toe against a gold bar

Au Au Au

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duaki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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So Gold walks into a bar.

Bartender says Au get outa here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deaderson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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A gold brick walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Au! Get outta here!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Krawl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
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