I can't recycle a broken window with regular glass bottles in my town.

It's a pane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Someone was recently traumatized at a glass bottling facility.

I've heard it was a jarring experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/njuff22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Gonna make some glasses out of old ketchup bottles

because Heinz sight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bergyberg489
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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To the person who stole my glasses

I will find you, I have contacts

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garyunmarried
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Do you know why some people bang on the side of the ketchup bottle while others bang on the bottom of the ketchup bottle?

Me: No. Why?

Him: To get the ketchup out.

Told to me by my grandfather-in-law as I was banging on the side of the ketchup bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roonerspize
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
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Conversation with my son: Do you have a cup for your whiskey..

No, I use a shot glass..a cup is too big..7 shots bottle empty

-Dad, no!

and I would be dead..

-In that case, dead, no!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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My wife just got me :)

So we were sitting at at the table having hotdogs for dinner. My mother-in-law and I then both went to ask my daughter for something at the same time, me for the sauce and the MIL for my daughters glasses so she can clean them. Then we ended up taking turns asking

My MIL then commented that it was good that we didn't ask at the same time otherwise she would be cleaning the bottle and I would be trying to put glasses on the hot dog.

My wife then turned to me and said "Then it would be a Seeing Eye Dog!" And promptly burst out laughing.

This was made all the more special, since my wife is only now just coming out of a 5 year melancholic depression. Yay!

EDIT: Changed wording to make it clearer. Thank you very much from both myself and my wife for all your positive thoughts. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yberry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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The Coca Cola employe of the month

Coca Cola creator: Glass bottles are to expensive. We need something new and cheeper to produce. Employe of the month: I have an idea on something that CAN… giggles Coca Cola creator: THATS IT!!!!! We can sell them in plastic!!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sito_YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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I was in a restaurant...

"Could I interest you with a bottle of wine?" the waiter asked me.

I said, "No, just a glass, please."

Two minutes he returned. He said, "Here's your wine, sir."

I said, "Take it back, I only wanted a glass, remember."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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My parents recently got into buying old stuff from flea markets and selling it online.

So my dad excitedly hands me an old bottle from the 20s or 30s and says "Look, Great Drepression glass!" I hold it up a little higher and even more excitedly say "Wow! I feel sad already!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mauled_licker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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At a wedding reception...

" ... now, if everybody could raise their glasses ..."

Mom: "I don't have a glass, but I have a bottle"

Dad: takes glasses off, raises in air

Everybody at table: Facepalms

πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2014
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A old fellow gets new glasses.

He tells his friend, I've gone sixty-seven years without glasses. Now they tell me I'll need them every day. His friend replies I've gone eighty-two years, and not needed glasses a day in my life. Oh yeah? Says the first old-timer. How's that? Because, says the second, I take my liqour from a bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoRacingTeam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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Wine humor

So someone forgot to take a bottle of Pinot Grigio out of the freezer last night. I walked in and saw the broken bottle, asking my dad why they don't just wait for it to melt and drink it then. His response: "there's glass everywhere... It's SHARDonnay now.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatguyjables
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
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Dadjoked a Walgreens employee

To set the scene I am in a Walgreens, specifically the shampoo/body wash aisle.

Employee knocks a few bottles of shampoo on the floor

Employee: "Whoops, how clumsy of me."

Me: "At least the bottles aren't glass, that would have been a lot worse."

Employee: "Yeah, that's true."

Me: "Although if they were glass clean-up would've been pretty easy because there would be soap all over the floor."

Employee pity laughs

Best trip to Walgreens ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/americanWARRI0R
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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Drinking wine with my parents when my dad duped me

My dad asked my mother to pour him another glass. She poured the wine the same way you would pour water into a bottle, but it is common knowledge that you must tilt the wine glass for a proper pour.

Me: "Aren't you supposed to pour it on an angle?"

Dad: "Why yes, how else would the wine come out?"

I nodded and silently wished I could be half the man he is one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitharris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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Out with my grandfatherly coworker for a beer

The last day of work before the holiday shutdown, an older coworker and me went out for a beer after work. The waitress brought us out bottles and asked "Would you like glasses?" to which he pulled out his safety glasses and said "No, we're covered."
She looked at him, shook her head and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyTheBunny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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