A list of puns related to "Girl 6"
A 100 dollar bill
I was in the women's bathroom.
Me: *cries in my 2 feet*
My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.
Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: "You had twins, a girl and a boy. They're both fine. And your brother named them for you."
Woman: "Oh my, not my brother! No! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?"
Doctor: "Denise."
Woman: "Oh, wow! That's a really pretty name. What about the boy?"
Doctor: deep sigh "Denephew.“
I said “woah, Butter fingers!”
I was pushing my daughter in a stroller and The young girl he was working with snorted and said “at least you’re a dad, you’re allowed to make bad jokes”
Proud moment.
“Why so cheap?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner said, “Well, this bird used to live in a brothel, and occasionally it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided that for $50, she just had to have the bird.
She took the bird home, hung the cage up in the living room, and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “Meh… That's really not so bad” and laughed it off.
When her two teenage daughters got home from school, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls!!!” The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then laughed about the situation – considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
A few moments later, the woman’s husband got home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new girls, welcome back Keith!!!”
Put it in a glass of water.
If it sinks = girl ant
If it floats …………
Me: "I can too. I already did. It's so good, you can't even see where I drew it."
All three girls: Conversation stops, eyes roll, crisis averted.
So I have used this joke religiously for many many years. My oldest 20, second 5 and then my baby girl is just over 18 months. Every time any of them need a new diaper.
“Alright looks like you’ve broke it, there’s a crack in it so you need a new butt.”
The two older ones still crack up and princess dances around when I say it.
(Yes that is a mighty big gap in ages and yes all the same mom)
Stop looking I'm changing!
I've been telling my oldest boy who is 12 and my next youngest girl who is 10 dad jokes via text. Feel it's a nice little thing for dad to do. Today he got me! So proud.
She rang me up and told me she had a boy and a girl. She asked me for ideas on names. My sister asked, what's a good name for the girl?
I replied, Denise!
Aww that's a good name my sister said. What about the boy?
I replied, Danephew
My brain is so aligned towards punning, I do it automatically when I'm talking to people. Usually I get eye rolls. One time I asked a girl I worked with, who I had always been friends with, if she could give me a hand with something
She said "give me a sec"
I said "take all the secs you want" (now try saying that out loud)
It was a crowded room, and she looked at me like I'd grown antlers or something, and I froze on the spot in embarrassment
Anyway, thought you might find that funny
So, one of my best friend's and his wife are having their first child. My friend despises puns, so of course I send them to him all the time. So I want to start sending him baby name ideas that are all puns. They don't know the gender yet, so boy, girl, and neutral name ideas would all be great. Their last name is "Paris".
She smacks a guy girl over the head with a bag of coins over the head sending all the money everywhere and knocking the girl out, my 9 year old boy goes "ooohhh, Money shot"
Left me in stitches.So proud of him.
“Hey, girls; I was reading the book of Numbers and realized I didn’t have yours!”
I was the oldest dude there. I'm 34. I dunno why that matters, but yeah.
Group of girls and guys standing around in his backyard, talking about crap.
One of his mates discovers a #4 shaver bit in the grass and picks it up, confused. He says, with the whole group noticing, "Why the hell is this shaver thing on your lawn?"
My cousin kinda shrugs, and the group doesn't really know how to react.
I chime in.
I said, "Hey... He's putting that toward his shavings..."
The group laughs. I'm cool again.
Sounds like bullshit but it just happened. Maybe I'm cool.
Cheers.
He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a preschool playground. He is surprised, but he rejoices anyway, shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!" At this a little girl approaches him, puts her hand on her hip, and says, "big deal! I'm four!"
You see I am too young to become a dad but my sister will be having a girl soon and I decided to start getting into dad humour (even tho is should be getting into uncle humour). This post was inspired by another post on this sub by a soon to be father. So here we go
What do you call someone below the age of 18 and has a problem?
A minor inconvenience
They're calling it an express-o.
Because she ain’t no holla deck girl.
“If you dance with a girl that is similar height to you, you can say “your perfume smells nice”. If you dance with a girl that is shorter than you, you can say “your hair smells nice.” If you dance with a girl that is taller than you, you can say “your underarm deodorant smells nice.”
Doing a quiz with the girls.
The question was "What would you get if you ordered poisson at a French restaurant?".
My answer "I don't know but it'd be well distributed across your plate".
No one got it.
Michael is married to a woman called Lorraine, but he is getting a bit bored of her. Michael wants to start a little side thing with this girl called Claire. Her name is Claire Lee, to be specific Lorraine doesn’t want this, so she forbids Michael to go out with Claire. One day, Michael was at work, and while Lorraine is out walking the dog, she gets hit by a car and dies. Michael goes to the funeral and of course everyone’s sad, and they want Michael to go up for a speech. Michael goes up, he’s obviously quite sad, his wife just got killed, and he says “oh, this is sad, I’m sad, she died too soon but-“
“I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone”
My little 5 yo girl went to show and tell today with her little acoustic guitar. When I picked her up there was a small rock in guitar. I asked her “why did you put a rock in your guitar, did you want to play rock and roll?”
I fell in love with the girl next door. Sadly we drifted apart.
Dad: You're bisexual.
Daughter: Yep.
Dad: That means that you like both boys and girls.
Daughter: That's right.
Dad: So if you're single, does that mean you're on stand-bi?
Daughter: ...
I said: no one does that to a girl, not on my watch!
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: “Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, the bouncer is a blonde girl with a club, I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters: “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it four times.”
It's a girl and weighs 6lbs 7ounces!
"Hey girl. Why don't you wagyu beef for me?"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtedly the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn, what do you have to offer?"
Autumn leaves
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail, the man says his name is Terry. “Terry? That’s a girl’s name!” You laugh. Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin Terry
So there's this girl who works at a gas station close by, and she always seems slightly annoyed. I dont take offense because I can tell it isnt directed toward me. So today I go in and ask for 2 packs of my favorite smokes, and she asks; shorts? I say no, I have pants on today. First time I've ever seen her laugh or smile
"No, with a knife"
I saw this one on Tiktok well over a year ago. A girl actually told her father this, and after the last line, he looked like the proudest dad ever and actually hugged her.
Dad Awards
To truly capture the “Spirit of the Dad” what are some achievements you think make a True Dad?
“Fixed it!” - complete an entire home improvement project in a single trip to the hardware/lumber store.
“Gotcha!” - demonstrate the Dad Reflex by catching a toddler seconds before disaster.
“That’s my boy/girl!” - get in trouble with the SO when your son/daughter picked up a bad habit of yours, or develops your bad sense of humor/pranks.
“Here boy!” - develop a stronger bond with the new family pet than any of the kids who wanted it in the first place.
“Office time” - spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from the kids/spouse even though you don’t actually have to go to the bathroom.
“Blame it on the dog” - make at least one passenger choke on a fart in the car.
“Really?” - have a kid/spouse completely buy in to one of your bad dad jokes. (I had my wife convinced for nearly an hour that the rumble strips on the side of the highway was called the “Brailleway” and it was for blind drivers)
“But the kids will love it!” - use the kids as justification to purchase something that you’ve always wanted.
“Try it, you’ll like it!” - introduce a kid into your hobby as an excuse to go out more often than the spouse would usually tolerate.
“Saved the day!” - prevent a meltdown by fixing the favorite toy that seemed completely destroyed.
“Animal surgeon” - conduct ‘surgery’ to patch up a favorite stuffed animal.
“Here, let me show you” - take over a video game under the guise of showing the kid how to play.
What else can you add to this list?
Nobody hits a girl.....not on my watch.
Everybody was discussing the further plans about booking a flight seat for everyone, etc.
I was the only one that suggested that we book a single flight seat for the girl "Ladesh" to come here.
These unique ideas of mine are what make me stand out.... of class.....
Okay, I'm getting married & maybe this isn't the right place but worth a shot. I need a catchy phrase (hashtag) that involves the word "Duck"... It's going to be my last name. Help a girl out with your best word play/puns!!!
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
Drop it in water.
If it sinks—girl ant.
If it floats—
First thing, she asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Justine: No, no, no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Justine: Ohh, that’s actually not bad. What about the boy?
Doctor: [sighs deeply] Denephew.
You put it in a bath full of water if it sinks, it’s a girl ant…
If it floats it’s boy ant
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
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