He was honor-roll
Looks like I might have invisibility!
I blame my mom. She always told me "Don't nock it before you try it"
sorry,...I'll get my coat...
It was a catastrophe.
By using a ruler
Use a ruler
Which means you've gotta fight for your right to Part E.
I said 'Well, that just sounds like Egyptian pyramids with extra steps'.
As far as I’m concerned, I have no son
Edit: Looks like I’m getting downvoted. Pretty sure that’s a good thing on this sub. Some people just can’t think straight
I replied, “I’ll mullet over.”
They’d be very confused by this whole “clockwise” thing.
That’s a deal that should raise a few eyebrows
Couldn’t get a straight answer!
There once lived a king whose height was 15 cms. He wasn’t a great leader but he was a good ruler.
As the title says, I need a pun that involves two unlikely friends. Knives and Charity/donations.
Any help would be appreciated!
Knife to be here in this community
Didn't get a straight answer
by getting straight ehs
They're cutting right into my hips.
I ask people, but I can never get a straight answer
I’m drawing a line in the sand.
Minstrel cramps.
Edit: (I'm sorry. Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.)
I replied, "Yeah. It was too hard to get here in a straight line."
Because they make a great point!
"Bingo."
Nobody expects the Spanish indecision.
Get Smart.
Please give me the best dad jokes you got
Edit (10/8): WOW. I did not expect to get this many upvotes or awards, let alone this many dad jokes this early. Thank you all for helping me laugh/groan this entire coming weekend. Keep em coming!
Edit 2: 10K???!! I’m at a loss for words guys. Thank you so much for the love and making me laugh and groan my ass off for the next 3 months straight. Let’s make it 4! ♥️
Well, definitely not straight thats for sure!
I’d never heard or seen such a high note.
Let me get this straight
Then I guess this is just another average post.
I couldn’t get a straight answer
They’re hill-areas
A friend of mine has this great idea for a small business selling collectables, so he goes into a bank and walks up to the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan for a small business venture."
Patty looks in disbelief as she realizes this voice is coming from a dog. But being professional she clears her throat and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The dog says $500,000. And proceeds to fill out the loan paperwork.
Patty, the teller, reviews the paperwork and notices his name and is a little star struck as it reads: Buddy Mick Jagger. Feeling embarrassed, but curious, Patty asks if there is any relation to THE Mick Jagger?
The dog sighs and says, yes, Mick is his father, adopted, but his father nonetheless.
Patty explains that $500,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need something to act to secure such a large loan.
The dog says, "Yes ma'am. I have several sets of these" and shows her a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly shaped. He then produces more and more of these small porcelain animals all hand crafted and painted various colors. While trying to explain these collectables are what he hopes to sell Patty becomes very confused and thinks up a quick excuse:
"Well, for such a large loan and unusual collateral I will have to consult the branch manager."
Ms Whack finds the manager and says "There's a talking dog named Buddy Mick Jagger out here who claims to be a relation to Mick Jagger and wants a loan for $500,000. And as collateral he wants to use this?" She then holds up the small porcelain elephant. "I mean, what even is this? Is it valuable?"
The bank manager stands up, blinks a few times, looks her straight in the eye with a large smile and says: "Oh! That's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the dog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
(My grandpa would tell this joke at family gatherings to all of us grandkids, we would only ever get small parts of it at a time, but the rest of the adults would always groan at the end. Wasn't till many years later I realized this was a pretty common long haul joke! Still a good memory, hopefully it have you a chuckle!)
I get a straight answer in English, but every time I ask in Spanish, they tell me why it's the pig.
You use a ruler
Use a ruler
Couldn’t get a straight answer
