George V Puns

"Did you know I was named after George Washington?"

Son: "but Dad... Your name is Brian?"

Dad: "I know, but I was named after George Washington."

GF: Really?

Me: Yes.

George Foreman: How so?

The doctor says “You’re a little Weezie.” I told him if we’re moving on up he can be a little George.

George WashingTON

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George Clooney said, “I’ll direct!”

Leonardo DiCaprio said, “I’ll produce!”

Matthew McConaughey said, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write!”

George Bush

Because George Washington cut one.

Use a George Strait jacket.

The auction's goal was to raise money for Tourette syndrome research by selling origami figures made by famous celebrities. To highlight the purpose of the auction, the organization in charge asked all participating celebs to write a replacement of a naughty four-letter word most closely associated with the disorder.

For example, George Clooney's origami penguin said Fudge instead of the F-word.

Margot Robbie's paper flower said Beach instead of the B-word.

I bid on the origami made by Dwayne Johnson.

The Rock's paper scissors said Shoot.

What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.

Be safe this holiday and have a great weekend !!!

George was Washing a ton

there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

I was watching curious George with the family last night and he was counting stars, 10 stars and 10 rows 100!

Teenage daughter: 11 x 11=122 12 x 12 =144

Me: that's gross

Everyone else in the room: no reaction, nothing, not even a look. I had to explain what was probably my best dad joke ever. FML

George Washing-done

George had 2000 lbs of Laundry to do. That's a washing-ton!

Where did George Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies haha

• George Washwington
• Leonarcrow da Vinci
• Eagle Allen Poe
• Harry S. Toucan
• Teddy Dodosevelt
• Charles Duckens
• Octavian Owlgustus
• Flysaac Newton
• Benchicken Franklin
• Gullysses S. Grant
• Vincent Van Goose
• John Lhawk
• Charlecrane
• Pengthoven
• Nikquaila Tesla
• Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
• Charles Darwren
• Rheasus Christ
• Broodha
• King Loony XIV
• Nenepoleon Bonaparte
• Mahootma Gandhi
• Winstint Churchill
• Genghis Swan
• Pladove
• Aleggsander the Great
• Paul the Apostail
• Lark Twain
• Dante Aliturkey
• Michelangswallow
• Cardinal Marx
• Albatross Lincoln
• Robin E. Lee
• Adolf Swiftler
• Alextanager Hamilton
• Ibis Presley
• Ronald Raven
• Arnestotle
• Emuhammad
• Sir Francis Beakon
• Tchaikovskylark
• Christfowler Columbus
• Finchard Nixon
• Henry VIII
• Albert Einstork
• Thomas Jayfferson
• William Shrikespeare
• Woodcock Wilson
• King Chorioles I of England
• Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”

A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”

Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours

A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”

Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!

A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.

Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!

What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

does that mean they can garnish his wages? -George Carlin

Hostess: Hi, how many for you? Dad: 4 please Hostess: Okay, and can I get a name for that? Dad: George Granecki Hostess: Can you spell that for me please? Dad: G-E-O-R-G-E....

Margaret Atwood. Did you expect George Arr Arr Martin?

I guess George Lucas wasn't a fan of "Ewok the Line."

is a non-prophet organization!

edit: This joke is by the glorious George Carlin. RIP.

So I'm walking to the break room at work, and for a bit of background, I work in a small factory in a small town of 900. The workforce here has an average age of about 50, me being 20 makes me the youngest person here. Needless to say, I hear dadjokes 24/7, but this one is the best..so far.

I'm walking to the break room and I hear my coworker George call out for me. I stop walking and wait for him to approach. He leans in and says, "How far do you think you would have gotten if I hadn't hollered at you?"

Goddamnit, George.

"I'm miserable."

"Hi Ms. Erable, I'm George"

No response.

http://imgur.com/EdBbSIS

Server "my name is George if you need anything." her dad "I wonder what his name is if you don't need anything."

My girlfriend and I were eating dinner, and she was talking about her coworkers. She was listing them and she said, "There's George, and two Carolinas. " I immediately replied, "North and South?" She rolled her eyes and groaned while I beamed happily.

Bi-curious George

My best friend's dad is my Pastor, I was talking to my Pastor (whose name is Malcam) about being George Washington in class today, he replied with

"I was named after George Washington!"

"How?"

"He was named in the 1700's, I was named in the 1900's."

Is it John, George, Paul or Ringo?

So the new George ezra song according to the gf has a casino bit in it so one night in bed it came on...

Her: Oh I like him he can push my buttons...

Me: Oh is he like your casionova

George was trying to figure out why his neighbours hens wouldn't lay eggs. It was easy for me figure out the reason.

"They're obviously too afraid to lay eggs. You know why? They're chicken!"

My niece is too young to appreciate it now, but she'll learn soon enough.

...and loudly shouts out that it's a Beetle.

To which my dad replies, stone faced, "Which one? John, Paul, George or Ringo?".

My colleague says: Stop that! I can't stand George Michael.

Me: Sorry, I'm such a Careless Whisteler!

"George Washington may be the father of this country, but Coca-Cola's the pop!"

He had a good laugh...but no one else did.

So I was watching this video with my girlfriend when Maisie Williams says that Arya was written left-handed.

So I turn to my girlfriend and say "wow, George R.R. Martin is making it awful difficult on himself writing Arya with his left hand."

Me: I couldn't get to sleep for ages because there was a beetle in my room that kept flying at me.

Dad: Was it John, Paul, George or Ringo?

Me: Oh jesus christ...

Commence him laughing heartily.

Me: "Oh, hey, there's a beetle on my glove!"

Dad: "Which one? John, Paul, Ringo, or George?"

Me: "...Ugh. Jeez."

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio said, "I'll Produce"

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write"

BRAD: I'll produce.

GEORGE: I'll direct.

MATTHEW: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

George Clooney said “I’ll direct!” Johnny Depp said “I’ll produce!” Mathew McConaughey said “Ill write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”