That's called Toxic Molluskulinity.
It was a wanton wonton
A loco motive.
...you have to stop and ask yourself what you’re wading for...
His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.
So I guess you could call them my ant tea bodies
Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.
We got back to the house and my nephew said...
Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.
Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?
Nephew: no. Is it still broken?
Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.
He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.
Too mushroom for error
It wasn't up to snuff.
...details are sketchy.
'What are the reasons?'
'#1, and #2'
'Oh grandpa...'
'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'
'Stoooop'
'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'
I’ve definitely seen some change in him.
I lack the Patients
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
They’re always under a buck
I guess you could say I have a loco motive
Why do we always get hurt when we fall down and hit the ground?
It’s payback for all the times we’ve hit the road, beaten the trail, and pounded the pavement.
(I thinks is is pretty bad, but dad’s saying that I could never make a joke when I tell him. Please prove him wrong.)
When she got to the window I asked, "What's the problem officer?"
Her face darkened with anger and she replied, "You don't know?"
I answered, that I didn't.
She asked again, "You honestly don't know?"
I replied, "No ma'am, I have no idea."
Then she angrily replied, "Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you."
With that she turned and stomped angrily back to her car, got in, slammed the door and smoked the tires as she sped away...
Me "Oh no, my phone was in airplane mode." (Started to switch it off)
Husband "Whew, good thing you turned that off it might have taken off on you."
It's too tired
"It was hard enough to sneak you out of there in the first place."
Talking to a co-worker and she asks what time it is
"Time to go to the dentist"
"What? Why's that?"
"Well, its two-thirty, isn't it"
The shrivelling look of disapproval I got was a true honour.
http://imgur.com/LJ3xoOw
I asked who Francis was.
