Lol'd for real this time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashlyrind7
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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Where do giant monsters shop for real estate?

GodZillow!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willshade145
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NRGFalcon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I just read that times were real tough for musicians in the early 17th century...

They were all Baroque

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Dadjoke by IRS, but for real

IRS: It’s time for you to pay your taxes

Me: Ok, how much is it?

IRS: Well, that’s up to you to figure it out

Me: Cool, so I can pay as much as I want

IRS: Oh no! We know EXACTLY how much you owe and if you do it wrong you could go to jail

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.
πŸ‘︎ 874
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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The love for Brie cheese is real.
πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tna1416
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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this is a real red flag for me!
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solid_salad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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I paid five cents for a dad joke, but it turned out to be an empty, derivative imitation, overly commercialized and lacking any real soul or talent.

Now I want my Nickelback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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For real though
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quak_Boi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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Just seen a real bear claw for the first time ever,

Those donught shops been ripping me off for years

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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I think I want to quit my real estate job. I’d rather clean mirrors for a living.

It’s just something I can see myself doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chota_chotu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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For real DOE
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rugbyspank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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My 3yr old son told me there was a real dinosaur in the house! So we spent the morning looking for it when we saw a tail around the corner, but it was just a fossil-arm.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Real story: I'm prepped for a wedding and walking with my dad about to meet up with my girlfriend. I know his tendencies so I tell him "dad, please, no jokes." And he replies, "with what you're wearing, I won't need to." I roll my eyes and say, "oh, wow, sick burn dad."

I look over, and he's reaching into his pocket and pulls out a little vial, and shakes it out all over me. He hands me this vial and he's made a shitty label around it, and he wrote on this fricken label, "Directions: Add in salt to injury".

He's a legend among my friends dads.

πŸ‘︎ 658
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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For a Frenchman, making bread for the Spanish king is a real pain.
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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DOT has the best pun game in the nation. For real doe.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hjohn184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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"Hillary for Prison" is not a real sentence.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonvandine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2016
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(real life) Left a door open for an elderly man.... he exclaimed:

What a Gentle.... Moment!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GGenErick
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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People spend real money on special shiny internet points for this site that are usually rewarded to comments that are humorous and witty.

Does that make those comments comedy gold?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kushala-dankora
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots β€˜for carrot-ness’, I said.

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, β€˜for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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I went in for a routine checkup, and they took way too much in the blood draw. I was dizzy, and it was a real pain in the neck...

I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_zensphere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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Who is up for a road trip? Pho real. atlasobscura.com/articles…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stretch_Aye
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2015
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Posting one of my daily punny drawings here for the first time, it's a real crapshoot. instagram.com/p/x619p_Gfa…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guywhodraws
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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Teacher was for real?

In class, my teacher went off on a tangent and started to explain the history of film.

Teacher: there was a point when there was a job where some one would be cranking a machine for 20 minutes to display the film can.

Student: Wow, spinning a crank for 20 minutes?? Are you for reel?

Teacher: Oh yes it was a chore.....ohhhh (groans)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatMeGron
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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It's a real pita that I didn't pick up that sandwich for you.

I sure falafel about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellsdb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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