Florida Parishes Puns

Just curious, because some guys tried to make that area it’s own country for 3 months back in 1810.

I have been going there for about a year and became very involved. I was an alter server, a cantor and a eucharistic minister. I am also a Hospice nurse and last Sunday I went to the grocery store before it opened and met a 50 something Vietnamese who told me that she was dying of cancer. I gave her my shoulder to cry on, and then asked her to go to church with me. She was excited to do so. She had been raised Buddhist by her father and Catholic by her mother. She was overjoyed at the opportunity to go. We immediately left for church however I didn't realize we had missed most of the mass until we arrived. The priest had already read the Gospel. I told her to wait for me in the front of the church while I went to the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom she was nowhere to be found. I finally located her, sitting at the front pew and getting ready to receive communion. Before I could stop her she received the sacrament. She introduced herself and told the Father that she wanted to go to church there and was over joked. I took her home and arranged to take her every weekend.

The next week I went to the adoration of the blessed sacrament and was told by a server that Father needed to see me. He told me that a lot of parishioners had complained and he did not want me to return as a parishioners. I was crushed and he had me sign a paper. Like the fool I am I did not read the form. I was in to much of a hurry to get away from that place. Is it possible that I have been excommunicated?

#What is Damp May Never Dry! This post has been updated as of 8/29 @ 1pm

Please begin immediately to shelter in place. New Orleans is about to begin immediately experiencing Tropical Storm winds. You no longer have time to evacuate.

__

In order to make it easier and provide current information to individuals, please keep the conversations surrounding the storm to this thread. We are trying to consolidate the more serious conversations/information to this thread. This post is automatically set to sort by new. It is highly recommended that you sort comments by new given the changing environment.

For the time being, memes and funny-ish posts can be standalone posts. This is subject to change depending on how the situation evolves. Despite all the humor surrounding it, please take this event seriously and make plans based upon your needs.

Below is some general information/advice, but should not be taken as official recommendations. Please listen to local/national authorities in determining your next course of actions. I will try to update this post with current information when I can.

Once the storm gets closer to landfall, we will switch from this standalone post to the /r/TropicalWeather live thread as it's a great resource to get up to date information on the storm.

P.S. If you believe something should be appended/amended to this post, please let me know and I'll be happy to consider it.

#What is happening?

Hurricane Ida made landfall in SE Louisiana on Sunday at 11:55am on Grand Isle as a strong Category 4 storm. The Greater New Orleans area is on the dirty Northeastern side of the hurricane and is expected to experience hurricane force winds for the next 6-12 hours.

Please take all precautions to shelter in place immediately.

#Where can I get more information on projected paths, evacuation notices, and general preparation information?

As always, we recommend paying attention to local and national media forecasts. Here are some official government links for you to monitor:

• NOAA/National Hurricane Center
• NOLA Ready
• NWS New Orleans
• State of Louisiana Emergency Portal

And some local news sources as well:

• WWLTV
• FOX 8
• WDSU
• [NOLA.com](h

#Praise be to Karl!

Entergy's Chief Lineman and Employee of the Month! Parts of the City have begun getting power restored.

The Waffle House Index never lies. Canal St. Waffle House opened and now nature truly is healing with power being restored.

In all seriousness, thank you to all the linemen working diligently to get the power back on. You are all heroes.

Comments:

1. We can only have two stickies up at a time.
2. Since I'm getting all the replies to my megathreads, I'm able to monitor the flows in conversation.
3. Based on need, I may rotate out the megathreads, but I will still keep links to the original megathreads at the top here.
4. I am STILL updating many of these, so despite good news for some people - I acknowledge that people will still need assistance/information from the below threads.

#Original Megathreads:

• Megathread: Post Hurricane Ida Discussion & Support
• Hurricane Ida Specific Area / Neighborhood Check-Ins Megathread
• Hurricane Ida Resources Megathread
• Post Hurricane Ida Live Chat Megathread
• Hurricane Ida - Post Storm "I have power!" Megathread
• Megathread - Hurricane Ida FEMA Application Assistance & Help Thread

The following areas have been confirmed with power:

1. New Orleans East - Read Blvd
2. Arabi - Near St. Bernard Parish Hospital
3. CBD - Near City Hall/Superdome
4. French Quarter - Several Streets
5. Jefferson - Near Ochsner Hospital
6. Parts of Old Jefferson
7. Marlyville - Fontainebleau
8. Along the riverfront in the Black Pearl area
9. Chunks of uptown near Tulane/Loyola
10. Hollygrove
11. T R O P I C A L I S L E
12. Chateau Estates (Kenner)
13. Black Pearl
14. Chunk of Gert Town (actually this time!)
15. Parts of Treme
16. Warehouse District
17. Big chunk of Marrero
18. Parts of Gretna
19. Most of Chalmette
20. Parts of Mid City
21. Bucktown

If you get power, please let us know - as more and m

So, I'm an amateur screenwriter from Finland and at the moment, I'm writing a screenplay setting in a small town, in Louisiana. So, I'd really like to hear your experiences and stories about living in those small towns, so I could get some inspiration.

Thank you a lot!

I was bored writing my dissertation and this is the result. Didn't include fictional rappers because those could get pretty ridiculous, but I might someday. Included last words because I find them interesting, but keep in mind that last words, especially those before the modern era, are famously bullshit, so take most of this with a lot of salt.

I was expecting there to be a lot more battle references than there actually were.

John Lennon

Death: Shot four times in the torso by obsessed fan Mark David Chapman in the archway of his New York residence, age 40 (Dec 8, 1980 – New York, USA)

Last Words: “I’m shot, I’m shot!”

Battle Reference: None

Adolf Hitler

Death: Suicide by self-inflicted gunshot as his bunker was close to being taken by Soviet forces, age 56 (April 30, 1945 – Berlin, Germany)

Last Words: “Above all, I charge the leadership of the nation and their followers with the strict observance of the racial laws and with merciless resistance against the universal poisoners of all peoples, international Jewry.” (last will)

Battle Reference: “But when your bunker started getting fired up, you put a gun in your mouth and fired up” (Note: Hitler actually shot himself in the temple)

Abraham Lincoln

Death: Shot in the head by Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth while watching a play, age 56 (April 14 1865 –Washington D.C., USA)

Last Words: When asked by his wife Mary whether their friend would mind them holding hands: “She won’t think anything about it”

Battle Reference: “My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth”, “You stop bullets with your tears? I catch them with my skull”, “I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it.”

Macho Man Randy Savage

Death: Sudden heart attack while driving with his wife. Found to have an enlarged heart and advanced coronary artery disease. Age 58 (May 20, 2011 – Largo, USA)

Last Words: “I don’t feel too good”

Battle Reference: None, happened after battle

Kim Jong-Il

Death: Massive heart attack while traveling by train, according to state of media, although some contest this story. Age 70 (Dec 17, 2011 – Pyongyang, North Korea)

Last Words: Unknown

Battle Reference: None, happened after the battle

**Ludwig van Beeth

Greetings to the denizens of /r/Acadiana. I write today with a personal and urgent plea to those of you who don’t choose to vote or involve yourselves in politics. I would ask that you reconsider this position and get involved and exercise your right to vote, in EVERY election.

It’s understandable to believe that out of tens of millions of votes cast at the national level and millions at the state level, that an individual’s vote doesn’t matter. (Counterexample: the presidential election in 2000 was decided by *537* votes in Florida. That’s correct, the entire presidential race was decided in Bush’s favor by 537 more Floridians voting for him.)

In LOCAL politics, however, you absolutely can make a difference. It’s entirely possible that the Lafayette library millage will be decided by a few hundred or even a few dozen votes. Your vote could make the difference. According to local column The Wire, the previous millage renewal in 2018 failed by 650 votes.

I’m in favor of the Lafayette parish library millage and I decry the people and organizations that are working to persuade voters that the library system deserves to be punished. You may feel otherwise. That’s your prerogative.

Many of you do not call Acadiana your permanent home. Many others, though, are either raising families here or will do so in the future. You who have kids or plan to, I strongly suggest that you get involved with your local school boards as there is a strong push by people who want to turn back the clock to a time when America didn’t face up squarely to its history with a view toward doing better in the future.

Once upon a time, Lafayette became known as the “Hub City” because the city’s leaders made the shrewd and profitable decision to build good roads to the parish seats of the neighboring parishes. These good roads promoted travel to and from Lafayette AND made it easier to go to Lafayette first if your ultimate destination was in another parish. This brought traffic and revenue to Lafayette, making it the biggest and busiest city in the region.

In 1896, Lafayette made another leap forward with Lafayette Utilities System and electrification, and once again Lafayette’s residents and businesses reaped the benefits. In the early days of the 21st century, Lafayette brought fast Internet to its citizens in the form of LUS Fiber, a successful “municipal broadband” project that brought Lafayette worldwide attention and has been emulated by other municipalities that were

Do your worst!

#Standard top of Megathread Information:

1. We can only have two stickies up at a time.
2. Since I'm getting all the replies to my megathreads, I'm able to monitor the flows in conversation.
3. Based on need, I may rotate out the megathreads, but I will still keep links to the original megathreads at the top here.

#Original Megathreads:

• Megathread: Post Hurricane Ida Discussion & Support
• Hurricane Ida Specific Area / Neighborhood Check-Ins Megathread
• Hurricane Ida Resources Megathread
• Post Hurricane Ida Live Chat Megathread
• Hurricane Ida - Post Storm "I have power!" Megathread
• Megathread - Hurricane Ida FEMA Application Assistance & Help Thread

#FEMA Disaster Assistance Megathread

We've received a lot of requests and posts regarding a megathread on FEMA assistance. Admittedly, I'm not an expert on this particular subject, so I'm hoping that people can fill in the gaps here.

There are FIVE kinds of Disaster Assistance available from FEMA currently:

1. Housing Assistance (Individuals and Households Program (IHP))
2. Lodging Assistance (Transitional Sheltering Assistance (TSA))
3. Miscellaneous Items
4. Small Business Administration Disaster Loans (Not FEMA, but can be requested via Disaster Assistance Center)
5. Generator and Chainsaw Reimbursement

These four items can be applied for on DisasterAssistance.gov or via phone by calling the FEMA Helpline at 1-800-621-3362.

This number is also for users of 711 or Video Relay Service (VRS). TTY users can call 1-800-462-7585. Helpline services are available 7 days a week from 7 a.m. to 1 a.m. ET.

You can also download the FEMA App which will allow you to submit documentation directly though the app.

#General Information:

You'll need the following to complete your registration:

• S

Hurricane Ida has once again weakened to a tropical storm. And appears to have passed through Louisiana after 12 hours. We will continue to monitor the situation, and make changes. While we may still see a lot of flooding as a result, it seems like the wost part of the storm has passed as it weakened over Louisiana.

Here is the Current Advisory/En Español Aqui as of <8/30/21 8:52am EDT>

For more information on the Saffir-Simpson scale, click here. But also please be aware that this scale is based only on wind speed and does not include things like storm surge, rainfall, forward speed of the whole storm (and thus potential to sit in an area and dump rain for longer), the state of infrastructure on the ground, or how people on the ground are doing and their needs.

For those of you in post-recovery from Ida, here are some links with informaiton about what to do, and whom to call:

In times of disasters many people try to scam victims. FEMA has a list of common scams and rumors and dispel them here

Protecting your physical self after a natural disaster:

• CDC - Stay Safe After a Hurricane or Other Tropical Storm
• CDC - Cleaning Up After a Disaster
• Disaster Assitance - Your Health

Contacting friends and family after a natural disaster

• Red Cross - Contacting and Locating Loved Ones
• Red Cross - Contactar y Ubicar a los Seres Queridos

Protecting your mental health after a natural disaster

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - Disaster Distress Helpline
• Disaster Assitance - Your Health

Applying for/receiving disaster recovery aid

• [Disaster Assitance - FEMA](https:/

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

On the morning of November 24, 2021, I called Lieutenant Chaun Domingue with the Plaquemines Parish Sheriff's Office. The lieutenant didn't answer, so I left him a message explaining why I was calling: I was trying to figure out why some dude in Florida had a "Deputy Sheriff" ID card from his agency in Louisiana. Oh, and that "some dude?" He was just arrested by the feds.

True to form for a gatekeeper public information officer facing an uncomfortable question, he didn't return my call. On November 26, 2021, I followed up with an email:

>Good morning,
>
>My name is Jay Horowitz and I produce the investigative video news channel Real World Police, publishing original reporting covering U.S. law enforcement and crime.
>
>Keith Russell Ingersoll is a central-Florida businessman with a checkered past. On November 15, 2021, Ingersoll was arrested by U.S. Marshals after a federal grand jury handed down a 41-count indictment alleging his involvement in a $12 million real estate fraud scheme. Ingersoll faces one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud, twenty counts of wire fraud, nineteen counts of money laundering, and one count of aggravated identity theft. If convicted on all counts, he faces a maximum of nearly 600 years in federal prison.
>
>On October 18, 2021, Ingersoll was stopped by Officer Tiffany Perez with the Orlando Police Department when the license plate on his Tesla returned a “seize tag” alert, and a notice that the vehicle’s registered owner - Ingersoll - had a suspended driver’s license.
>
>During the course of that traffic stop, Keith Ingersoll produced a Plaquemines Parish Sheriff’s Office ID bearing his name and the title “Deputy Sheriff.” About a decade ago, Ingersoll briefly served as an auxiliary police officer in Belle Isle, Florida, until he was terminated for his undisclosed close association with, and alleged assistance to, an on-the-run convicted felon.
>
>As the October traffic stop progressed, Ingersoll claimed that he was a “reserve” with your agency around “two thousand eight... nine... ten.” Ingersoll stated that he is no longer a reserve with your agency, but claimed that he “is still sworn” with your agency, and in Louisiana.
>
>On the morning of November 24, 2021, I spoke with Bob Wertz, a representative for Louisiana’s Peace Officer Standards & Training Council. During that call, Wertz confirmed that there ha

This is part one of this list. This list is based off of accomplishments in the NBA (or ABA), not college or international leagues. Please let me know of any mistakes or if I missed something.

---

Key:

AS - All-Star

AN - All-NBA, All-ABA, All-BAA

AD - All-Defensive

AR - All-Rookie

MVP - Most Valuable Player

FMVP- Finals Most Valuable Player

DPOY - Defensive Player of the Year

6MOY - Sixth Man of the Year

MIP- Most Improved Player

COTY - Coach of the Year

EOTY- Executive of the Year

ScrC - Points Leader

AstC - Assists Leader

RebC - Rebounds Leader

StlC - Steals Leader

BlkC - Blocks Leader

---

Acadia University (1): Brian Heaney (1969-70) - 2.0/0.3/0.4 - 14 G

—

Akron (4): Bill Turner (1967-1973) - 5.4/3.5/0.6 - 294 G

—

Alabama (32): Latrell Sprewell (1992-2005) - 18.3/4.1/4.0 - 913 G - 4x AS, 1x AN, 1x AD, AR

Honorable Mentions: Antonio McDyess, Robert Horry, Mo Williams, Gerald Wallace

Active: JaMychal Green, Collin Sexton, Kira Lewis Jr, Herb Jones, Joshua Primo

—

Alabama A&M (1): Mickell Gladness (2011-12) - 2.2/2.2/0.2 - 26 G

—

Alabama at Birmingham (11): Elijah Millsap (2015-2017) - 4.2/2.8/1.1 - 69 G

Active: Nate Darling

—

Alabama State (2): Kevin Loder (1981-84) - 5.9/2.3/1.2 - 148 G

—

Alabama-Huntsville (1): Josh Magette (2017-20) - 2.2/1.0/2.4 - 26 G

—

Albany State (5): Caldwell Jones (1973-1990) - 7.9/8.2/1.4 - 1299 G - 1x AS, 2x AD

Honorable Mention: Wil Jones

—

Albertson College of Idaho (1): Elgin Baylor (1958-72) - 27.4/13.5/4.3 - 846 G - HOF, 11x AS, 10x AN, ROY

—

Alcorn State (6): Lindsey Hunter (1993-2010) - 8.5/2.2/2.7 - 937 G - 2x Champ, AR

Honorable Mention: Larry Smith

—

Alliance College (1): Don Asmonga (1953-54) - 0.7/0.1/0.7 - 7 G

—

American (2): Kermit Washington (1973-82, 1987) - 9.2/8.3/1.4 - 507 G - 1x AS, 2x AD

Honorable Mention: Andre Ingram

—

American International (1): Mario Elie (1990-2001) - 8.6/2.8/2.6 - 732 G - 3x Champ

—

Appalachian State (1): Belus Smawley (1947-51) - 12.7/2.8/23 - 261 G

—

Arizona (60): Gilbert Arenas (2001-12) - 20.7/3.9/5.3 - 552 G - 3x AS, 3x AN, MIP

Honorable Mentions: Andre Iguodala, Jason Terry, Richard Jefferson, Mike Bibby, Damon Stoudamire, Steve Kerr

Active: Deandre Ayton, Aaron Gordon, Josh Green, Solomon Hill, Andre Iguodala, Stanley Johnson, Lauri Markkanean, TJ McConnell, Zeke Nnaji

—

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.