My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Filters
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Coughy filter (source: PunHub)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamergod4now
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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I was cleaning the coffee filter and forgot to rinse the grounds down the sink.

My wife comes up and asks me why I forgot to clean the sink. I said β€œWhat? Am I grounded?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bambajon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Coughy filter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7sterling
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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I have no filter...

Please help my coffee tastes chunky

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Coughy Filter (see attached meme)

https://imgur.com/a/wi51bYh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrsmarquez5117
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I invented a revolutionary new kind of beer. The bursting of the CO2 bubbles once the bottle is open can actually filter the air around you as you drink.

I call it the HEPA-weizen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErockLobster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Need a duplicate filter for this sub.

Because we already reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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What did the water cup say after it fell in love with the water filter?

Distill my heart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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My dryer filter broke yesterday

Today was the first day of Lint

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3io4ehg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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[laywer joke] Worried about my court case, I forgot to use a coffee filter this morning!

After it brewed, the coffee had too many grounds to appeal...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Brain to mouth filter disengaged

The other morning my daughter was feeling down because she has been outshined by a male in the mixed netball team and felt she couldn't do better because she was a girl.

I of course pointed out that girls can do anything that a guy can do if she puts her mind to it. So far so good.

ERROR - brain to mouth filter disengaged.

Then said, in earshot of my wife, look at your mother over there growing a moustache.

She did not find it as funny as we did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tailsandtails
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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The spam filter on my emails is bust...

...it's letting all sorts of cooked meats through.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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[rule changes and minor update on spam filter]

First and foremost, I've decided to add a rule 7. Please, for the love of God, have the slightest bit of creativity and do not put the punchline of the joke in the title. The reasoning being as follows.

Most importantly, putting the punchline in the title ruins the joke, unless it is a one liner!
*
Secondarily, this is a puns subreddit dedicated to wordplay, if you lack the creativity to restate something in a humorous way rather than regurgitating the punchline as the header, perhaps this isn't the subreddit for you...


#Secondarily,


I've made a few minor spam filter tweaks. Your post will be caught in the spam filter if:

  1. Your account has less than +3 combined comment and link karma.
  2. Your account is less than 7 days old.

What will happen if your post is filtered is it will automatically go into the spam queue, and I'll try to have it unfiltered in the span of a couple of minutes/hours, but sometimes I do sleep so sadly it may take longer.

My post isn't appearing! How do I fix it?

If your post is not appearing and it has not violated any of the rules, feel free to drop us a mod message and I'll get a mobile notification within 30 minutes or so of the post removal, putting it on the fast track to being restored.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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YouTube are trialling a new obscenity filter

but they haven't quite worked all the kinks out

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StinkyWeezle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
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Friend has a "spoiler filter" on while browsing forums for a show.

I replied, "I guess you can't go on r/shitty_car_mods."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Veloxio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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Praypal
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...

coughy filters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Thought this was pretty funny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R_Sams2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Marry her
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lloo69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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I went to a lawyer yesterday to try and sue Starbucks for not filtering my coffee correctly.

But it turns out there were no grounds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunselpower
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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I told my barista I didn't think he should be wearing a face mask. 'I'm not', he said,...

'it's a coughy filter.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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TIL that Starbucks makes special masks that let you drink through them.

The masks are called coughy filters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I don’t wear a mask into Walmart

I wear a coughing filter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RemoteLizard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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Got fired from my job at the coffee factory

Boss said it was because I had no filter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVampireQueen7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.

β€œGrande macchiato with oat milk, please.”

The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked β€œWhy are you wearing a surgical mask?”

β€œI’m not”, said the barista, β€œit’s a coughy filter”.

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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It’s not a face mask...

It’s a coughy filter

(Credit to u/sniggihs)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderfighter6
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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We don't need facemasks for corona anymore

we can use coughy filters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unammusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Don't cheat on your partner with coffee beans

They could be used as grounds for divorce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souffle-etc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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I got a couple hours worth of homework today.

Replacing light bulbs, replacing the air filter, repainting that one wall, etc

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waddl3z
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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I got into an ongoing, fierce debate on /r/coffee...

It turned into a real brewhaha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moby__dick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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My dad gave us this

My folks came up to visit. My mom flubbed the coffee, putting the grounds in the water chamber and she had to disassemble it and clean it before making coffee. Once we had piping hot cups all around my dad chimes in with this:

"You know, messing up the coffee is grounds for divorce."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaberkaty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Cigarette Butts

So I'm a senior in high school and I was telling my Dad about how the bathrooms always smell like smoke.

Me: The bathrooms smell like smoke and they throw the cigarette butts in the urinals

Dad: (chuckles)

Me: What?

Dad: You're not supposed to put your butt in the urinal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shnauzenbaughen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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That little paper mask they ask you to wear at the Medical Clinic is called...

A Coughy Filter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EidolonFox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
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My girlfriend wanted me to get water

She asked if I could get some out of the fridge, there is a filtered pitcher and also a jug.

I told her I would take a pitcher, it would last longer.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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Got dadjoked by my dad after I dadjoked my mom

So my mom had jsut gone to the store to get extra fine filter floss for the aquarium I am setting up for her. The conversation went like this:

Mom: "I saw this and thought it is what you meant. It's super-fine floss. Will this work?"

Me: "Yeah, that's fine" (mom rolls eyes)

Dad: "Well that's what she said zwhenry, it's fine. Will it work though?"

My mom left the room without another word while my dad and I were trying to contain our laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zwhenry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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My wife could be a "dad".

I took a drink of coffee the other morning and it nearly knocked my socks off.

Me: What the heck did you do to this coffee? Wife: Oh, I forgot to tell you that the coffee is strong this morning. I guess it's because the filter was... ripped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshdoesnot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2013
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Making pancakes in our new kitchen

"Don't use the max setting on the stove ventilator." "Why not?" "The pancakes get stuck in the filter."

You can tell he's proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berengal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Cringe-worthy exchange between my father and I the other day

Let me preface this with some info. Firstly, me and my father are idiots; our jokes can become insensitive if we aren't careful, as we have few filters. My parents live in a tiny town amidst a thousand other tiny towns. One of the tiny towns right beside us (let's call it Townsburg) has a lot of forest and extra land, so towards the end of the summer when it's still hot but the land is starting to dry out, it's rather susceptible to fires. The other day, Townsburg caught fire in a few different places. The town my parents live in (we'll call it Cityville) is the sausage capital of our state. Yep. Sausage capital. Like brisket and such. Our proudest export is meat. Meat is what we are most proud of. I don't live there anymore, thank the universe.

So I went by my parents house on the way home from work one day to check on my retired, sick father, and watch the news with him (something I try to do whenever I can). And what happened next, well, it all just happened so fast...

Me: "Whoa, Townsburg is on fire again. I guess Cityville isn't the barbecue capital anymore, AYO." Dad: "Nope. Looks like they're about to be the barbecued capital." Me: "...we may need to stop hanging out so much."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/queerleaderr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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It's not a face mask son....

It's a coughy filter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamsobol
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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It’s not a mask.....

It’s a coughy filter....

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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It’s not a face mask, folks...

it’s a coughy filter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypertonica
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Why are you wearing a surgical mask?" I asked the barista.

She said, "It's not a mask. It's a coughy filter."

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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