I'm clearly winning in the family pun group text imgur.com/DQxgfoL
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmazz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes,

but I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewjhendrick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"

I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."

Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etereve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I tried making an old family recipe of german sausage boiled in vodka.

It was the Absolut wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImDyxlesic-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Turkey Day
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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When the photon left its family behind,

It waved goodbye.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.

The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What’s the difference between me and the family dog?

The dogs allowed to walk naked around the house

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Me: one day you will inherit all these priceless family heirlooms

My dumbass kid: dad these are vape pens

Me: no they are the family juuls

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueBandit69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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After WWII some of Hitler’s extended family was still alive. How many Hitlers could still be alive today?

I’m not certain, but I believe there are FΓΌhrer than there used to be!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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The youngest girl in our family wants to be a male semiconductor device for amplifying, controlling, and generating electrical signals when she grows up.

She's my trans sister

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."

Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleacher_seat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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A rock's father gave him a family heirloom

It held sedimentary value

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditShaz420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My sister's family lost their only income when his husband got fired from his job making shoes, baguettes and sausages.

He was their sole bread wiener.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the vicugna pacos family say when they are about to go on a vacation?

Alpaca bag now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sherlock_er
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak.

If only they could see me now...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My whole family mocked me when my French bakery went bankrupt

How dare they laugh at my pain.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a family of chicken detectives...

They were called β€œthe clue clucks clan”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Family friendly pun
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nailbunny1313
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I'm the youngest of a family of 3...

Both my parents are older than me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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My family and friends told me they were 'two tyred' of my puns, that they couldn't 'handle' it any more and needed a 'brake'. So I decided to focus my energy elsewhere and designed these cards which they're all gonna recieve in the mail
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flumppppp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Argument at family dinner...
πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...

It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A family is in an amusement park and comes across an animatronic display of Al Gore playing the drums.

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgrasso75
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What family members are most likely to spoil the s’more children?

Grahamma and Grahampa

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.

Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.

"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"

"Why's that Dad?"

"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrobeOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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At a family dinner

AUNT: You look just like your dad.

ME: Thanks. We both use our eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I served a female deer with herbs to my family at a recent dinner party.

Calling it "Spit-Roasted Dill Doe" was maybe a little unwise

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Egyptian royal family that had harmonious flatulence?

They had a little toot-in-common.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evilmd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Be careful when you book your family camping trips; my wife was menstruating last time, and she couldn't enjoy herself at all...

... It certainly was an in tents period.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I can out of the closet to my family.

They were relieved that they finally found me after a week.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hendrick_Davies64
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Dwayne Johnson’s family find out that they had Covid?

They couldn’t smell what The Rock was cooking.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...

My wife just tells me which ones to wear.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Some people exploared some caves of my family

There in mine now

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I surprised my family today by changing careers to become a mirror cleaner.

It was something I could always see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyBadger_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Wellllllllllllllllllllll.....
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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My whole family witnessed me going to jail

We have to play something other than monopoly next time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I showed ten puns to my family to make them laugh

No pun in ten did :(

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levonsafaryan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
This is going to be the first year our family won't be going to Hawaii because of COVID-19

Usually it's because we can't afford it.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails

So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatchitt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My family asked me to stop telling them Thanksgiving jokes

But I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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