si vobis quoque tempus laboribus vacans placeat facetiis iocisque terere, incidi in optimum librum qui nimirum vos ad risum moveat! subiunxi vobis etiam sumptam fabulam ex hoc libro ut ipsi iudices sitis et possitis videre utrum vobis placeat. Nexum retis vobis in fine posui.
1. Fabula Prima Cujusdam Cajetani Pauperis Naucleri
Cajetani, qui plebei sunt, ut plurimum navigio victum quaerunt. Nauclerus ex eis admodum pauper, cum ad varia loca lucri causa, relicta domi uxore juvencula, et tenui supellectile, navigasset, post quintum ferme annum rediit. E navi e vestigio ad visendam uxorem (quae interim viri reditum desperans cum alio convenerat), domum proficiscitur. Ingressus, cum eam majori ex parte instauratam in meliusque auctam vidisset, admiratus, uxorem quaesivit quo modo domuncula, antea informis, esset perpolita. Respondit statim mulier, sibi in ea re ejus, qui omnibus fert opem, Dei gratiam affuisse: — 'Benedicatur,' inquit vir, 'Deus, pro tanto hoc beneficio erga nos suo!' Videns insuper cubile, lectumque ornatiorem, reliquamque supellectilem mundam ultra quam ferret uxoris condicio, cum percontatus esset, unde illa quoque provenissent, et Dei indulgentiam illa sibi subministrasse asseveravit: gratias iterum vir Deo egit, qui tam liberalis in se fuisset. Eodem modo, et aliis quibusdam, quae nova domi et insueta videbantur, conspectis, cum largioris Dei munificentiam affuisse diceret, virque ipse tam profusam erga se Dei gratiam admiraretur, supervenit scitulus puer triennio major, blandiens (ut mos est puerorum) matri. Conspicanti hunc marito sciscitantique quisnam puer esset, suum etiam uxor respondit. Stupenti, quaerentique viro, unde se absente puer provenisset, Dei quoque in eo acquirendo sibi astitisse gratiam mulier affirmavit. Tunc vir indignatus divinam gratiam etiam in procreandis filiis sibi adeo exuberasse: 'Multas jam,' inquit, 'gratias Deo habeo agoque, qui tot cogitationes suscepit de rebus meis.' Visum est homini, Deum nimium curiosum fuisse, qui etiam de comparandis, se absente, liberis cogitarit.
Words you might not have heard of -
- malapropism: the confusion of a word with another word that sounds similar.
- euchre: To cheat, trick, or outwit.
- inveigle: To entice, lure through artful talk or inducements.
- facetiae: Witty or humorous writings and sayings.
- anhedonia: Not being able to find joy in things that usually bring one joy.
These words are taken from vocabulary app - Vocab Assistant
Some interesting words -
- quidnunc: A person who seeks to know all the latest news or gossip.
- fernweh: [German] literally "farsickness." opposite of homesickness. aching to leave home and travel to new places.
- fusillade: a number of shots fired simultaneously or in rapid succession.
- effulgence: a brilliant radiance; a shining forth.
- facetiae: Witty or humorous writings and sayings.
These words are taken from vocabulary app - Vocab Assistant
plural noun 1. amusing or witty remarks or writings.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
This piece of Latin was recently brought to my attention. It was said to have been pronounced by King Alaric, a 'barbarian', after the sack of Rome. Who can make sense of it?
tete roro mama nunu dada tete lala tete
Hints:
- >!it's metrical!<
- >!the spaces are deceptive!<
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
And boy are my arms legs.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
And now I’m cannelloni
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
I won't be doing that today!
