what Everly Brothers song do German soldiers sing when they're marching?
Well i dont think i can ever pun harder than this
My great grandmother lay dying in the hospital (I was born after she died) and no one knew if she was dead or just asleep, so someone said, "Feel her feet. No one ever died with warm feet."
My great grandmother opened her eyes and said, "Joan of Arc did." And those were her last words. She died a few minutes later.
That's a true story.
If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Did I ever tell y’all about the time I went to the zoo and there was only one animal… AND it was a dog?
My buddy just got fired from a dairy farm for being the worst employee they had ever seen.
He was a serious danger to himself and udders.
If you're ever in Germany and people start hoarding sausage and cheese, you should be worried.
It means they're preparing for a wurst käse scenario.
anyone else ever use actions as dad jokes?
For instance, as we are getting ready to leave, my 4 year old handed me his coat and said, "Put it on, please."
So.... I put it on. It achieved a very satisfactory eye roll from my wife and got him laughing. I'd say it's just as good as a dad joke.
My dad asked if I had ever used a telescope before. I said, "No, never. Is it fun?"
He said, "Yeah. You should look into it."
No one ever talks about the real reason why aliens never visited earth
Because our solar system gets terrible reviews we only have 1 star
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.
Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
I just played my first ever game of chess and I tried to move that castle shaped piece diagonally.
Why do you hardly ever see a pc gamer using a knife?
Because they prefer to tear a bite.
Will I ever make a joke about an abacus?
You’re best sneeze ever is your…
Does your toddler ever fight you when it’s nap time? Here is a solution for you. Threaten them with jail…
My wife asked if it is ever appropriate to make a joke about Hitler.
Nobody ever gives credit to bmen
They talk all the time about amen,cmen,and dmen though.
Why doesn't Weird Al ever go to Anime Expo or Comic Con?
Because then he'd be Convention Al
Ever since I became a dad I never understood why everyone gets si angry at me
When my kid takes a crap they tell me "change him" and then they question me why I keep bringing a different baby back home
My friend hid my favorite board game, I don't think I'll ever know where he put it.
If youre ever nervous about making an airplane joke...
just wing it, it might actually land!
When is alcohol ever a solution?
You all ever hear of the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He used to stay awake all night, wondering if there really was a Dog
Did I ever tell you about my ex, Ray?
They always could see right through me.
Never, ever, whisper secrets next to a clock.
"Why not?" you ask.
Just trust me. Time will tell.
At Thanksgiving dinner, my dad said he’s only ever made two jokes in his life
And they were sitting right in front of him.
43 BC and Julius Caesar is about to receive the first ever weather forecast…
… trumpet noises Hail, Caesar!
If anyone ever asks you if you have any sodium jokes, tell them
Have you ever been evaporated?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Ever hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
You could say he was pretty nuts.
If you ever forget the rules of chess, you'll be fine.
Have you ever dated someone with a high-pitched voice?
They're nothing but treble.
How did Qarth, the greatest city that ever was or will be, know that Elon Musk was coming?
Xaro Xhoan Doxxing told them
You ever notice how there's hardly anyone named Lance anymore?
Back in the day, they used to be named Lancelot.
Do you ever feel insecure about your ability to cook Italian dishes?
Could be impasta syndrome.
If you're ever being chased by taxidermists...
for god's sake, don't play dead!
Why can't Luke Skywalker ever give his dad a surprise gift?
Because Vader can always sense his presents.
if I ever open a wig shop for men, I'm calling it
Did I ever tell you that I wanted to go to the beach and swim around wearing a shark fin?
Cause, every girl is crazy about a shark dressed man. 📷
Have you ever eaten a goldfish filet?
The first people to ever use filled pastry as headphones..
Have you ever noticed that not a lot of people who start canning fruits and vegetables use cans?
Quite frankly, it's jarring.
This is the best joke about buckets you'll ever hear...
All the rest will pail in comparison.
Have you ever tried Mythical Cow Milk?
I heard it was Legend Dairy.
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