what Everly Brothers song do German soldiers sing when they're marching?
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Mar 25 2022
Well i dont think i can ever pun harder than this
ποΈ 37
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οΈ Aug 02 2021
Vest ever pun
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Oct 15 2019
My great grandmother lay dying in the hospital (I was born after she died) and no one knew if she was dead or just asleep, so someone said, "Feel her feet. No one ever died with warm feet."
My great grandmother opened her eyes and said, "Joan of Arc did." And those were her last words. She died a few minutes later.
That's a true story.
ποΈ 7k
π
οΈ Jan 02 2023
If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
ποΈ 607
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οΈ Jan 10 2023
Did I ever tell yβall about the time I went to the zoo and there was only one animalβ¦ AND it was a dog?
ποΈ 307
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οΈ Dec 18 2022
My buddy just got fired from a dairy farm for being the worst employee they had ever seen.
He was a serious danger to himself and udders.
ποΈ 241
π
οΈ Dec 10 2022
If you're ever in Germany and people start hoarding sausage and cheese, you should be worried.
It means they're preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario.
ποΈ 1k
π
οΈ Nov 17 2022
anyone else ever use actions as dad jokes?
For instance, as we are getting ready to leave, my 4 year old handed me his coat and said, "Put it on, please."
So.... I put it on. It achieved a very satisfactory eye roll from my wife and got him laughing. I'd say it's just as good as a dad joke.
ποΈ 46
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οΈ Dec 29 2022
My dad asked if I had ever used a telescope before. I said, "No, never. Is it fun?"
He said, "Yeah. You should look into it."
ποΈ 41
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οΈ Jan 10 2023
No one ever talks about the real reason why aliens never visited earth
Because our solar system gets terrible reviews we only have 1 star
ποΈ 4k
π
οΈ Oct 07 2022
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.
Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.
ποΈ 15k
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οΈ Aug 27 2022
ποΈ 4k
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οΈ Dec 26 2022
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You donβt know what youβre missing.
ποΈ 270
π
οΈ Nov 18 2022
I just played my first ever game of chess and I tried to move that castle shaped piece diagonally.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Jan 13 2023
Why do you hardly ever see a pc gamer using a knife?
Because they prefer to tear a bite.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Jan 15 2023
Will I ever make a joke about an abacus?
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Dec 18 2022
Youβre best sneeze ever is yourβ¦
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Jan 11 2023
Does your toddler ever fight you when itβs nap time? Here is a solution for you. Threaten them with jailβ¦
ποΈ 52
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οΈ Dec 20 2022
My wife asked if it is ever appropriate to make a joke about Hitler.
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Dec 04 2022
Nobody ever gives credit to bmen
They talk all the time about amen,cmen,and dmen though.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Jan 05 2023
Why doesn't Weird Al ever go to Anime Expo or Comic Con?
Because then he'd be Convention Al
ποΈ 33
π
οΈ Dec 06 2022
Ever since I became a dad I never understood why everyone gets si angry at me
When my kid takes a crap they tell me "change him" and then they question me why I keep bringing a different baby back home
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 05 2023
My friend hid my favorite board game, I don't think I'll ever know where he put it.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 11 2023
If youre ever nervous about making an airplane joke...
just wing it, it might actually land!
ποΈ 313
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οΈ Oct 10 2022
When is alcohol ever a solution?
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Dec 21 2022
You all ever hear of the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He used to stay awake all night, wondering if there really was a Dog
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Dec 26 2022
Did I ever tell you about my ex, Ray?
They always could see right through me.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Jan 03 2023
Never, ever, whisper secrets next to a clock.
"Why not?" you ask.
Just trust me. Time will tell.
ποΈ 23
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οΈ Dec 30 2022
At Thanksgiving dinner, my dad said heβs only ever made two jokes in his life
And they were sitting right in front of him.
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Jan 02 2023
43 BC and Julius Caesar is about to receive the first ever weather forecastβ¦
β¦ trumpet noises Hail, Caesar!
ποΈ 1k
π
οΈ Sep 07 2022
If anyone ever asks you if you have any sodium jokes, tell them
ποΈ 43
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οΈ Nov 13 2022
Have you ever been evaporated?
You may be entitled to condensation.
ποΈ 15
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οΈ Dec 12 2022
Ever hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
You could say he was pretty nuts.
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Dec 30 2022
If you ever forget the rules of chess, you'll be fine.
ποΈ 405
π
οΈ Oct 08 2022
Have you ever dated someone with a high-pitched voice?
They're nothing but treble.
ποΈ 35
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οΈ Nov 23 2022
How did Qarth, the greatest city that ever was or will be, know that Elon Musk was coming?
Xaro Xhoan Doxxing told them
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Dec 19 2022
You ever notice how there's hardly anyone named Lance anymore?
Back in the day, they used to be named Lancelot.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Jan 01 2023
Do you ever feel insecure about your ability to cook Italian dishes?
Could be impasta syndrome.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Dec 09 2022
If you're ever being chased by taxidermists...
for god's sake, don't play dead!
ποΈ 58
π
οΈ Nov 13 2022
Why can't Luke Skywalker ever give his dad a surprise gift?
Because Vader can always sense his presents.
ποΈ 459
π
οΈ Sep 13 2022
if I ever open a wig shop for men, I'm calling it
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Nov 10 2022
Did I ever tell you that I wanted to go to the beach and swim around wearing a shark fin?
Cause, every girl is crazy about a shark dressed man. π·
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Nov 11 2022
Have you ever eaten a goldfish filet?
Itβs a π€π» little fishy.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Dec 17 2022
The first people to ever use filled pastry as headphones..
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Dec 13 2022
Have you ever noticed that not a lot of people who start canning fruits and vegetables use cans?
Quite frankly, it's jarring.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Nov 15 2022
This is the best joke about buckets you'll ever hear...
All the rest will pail in comparison.
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Nov 29 2022
Have you ever tried Mythical Cow Milk?
I heard it was Legend Dairy.
ποΈ 27
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οΈ Nov 14 2022
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