what Everly Brothers song do German soldiers sing when they're marching?

Walk Reich Back#

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2022
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Well i dont think i can ever pun harder than this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/darktowerseeker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2021
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Vest ever pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2019
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My great grandmother lay dying in the hospital (I was born after she died) and no one knew if she was dead or just asleep, so someone said, "Feel her feet. No one ever died with warm feet."

My great grandmother opened her eyes and said, "Joan of Arc did." And those were her last words. She died a few minutes later.

That's a true story.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LassannnfromImgur
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2023
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If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BigBoyBarm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2023
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Did I ever tell y’all about the time I went to the zoo and there was only one animal… AND it was a dog?

Yeah. It was a shih tzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 307
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onepassafist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2022
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My buddy just got fired from a dairy farm for being the worst employee they had ever seen.

He was a serious danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 241
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2022
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If you're ever in Germany and people start hoarding sausage and cheese, you should be worried.

It means they're preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shells_and_bones
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2022
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anyone else ever use actions as dad jokes?

For instance, as we are getting ready to leave, my 4 year old handed me his coat and said, "Put it on, please."

So.... I put it on. It achieved a very satisfactory eye roll from my wife and got him laughing. I'd say it's just as good as a dad joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chance2399
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2022
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My dad asked if I had ever used a telescope before. I said, "No, never. Is it fun?"

He said, "Yeah. You should look into it."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WouldbeWanderer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2023
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No one ever talks about the real reason why aliens never visited earth

Because our solar system gets terrible reviews we only have 1 star

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FileWasTaken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2022
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I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.

Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LordPotato9
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2022
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was gifted "cold hard cash" by my grandparents today. reddit.com/gallery/zvbk9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JackCooper_7274
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2022
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Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?

You don’t know what you’re missing.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedSands1976
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2022
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I just played my first ever game of chess and I tried to move that castle shaped piece diagonally.

It was a rookie mistake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLaffGaff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2023
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Why do you hardly ever see a pc gamer using a knife?

Because they prefer to tear a bite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fat-Hate
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2023
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Will I ever make a joke about an abacus?

You can count on it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2022
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You’re best sneeze ever is your…

Peak Achoo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trowaway27597428584
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2023
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Does your toddler ever fight you when it’s nap time? Here is a solution for you. Threaten them with jail…

…for resisting a rest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StandbyBigWardog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2022
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My wife asked if it is ever appropriate to make a joke about Hitler.

I said heil, no!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Red_Sox_5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2022
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Nobody ever gives credit to bmen

They talk all the time about amen,cmen,and dmen though.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PlayboyCG
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2023
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Why doesn't Weird Al ever go to Anime Expo or Comic Con?

Because then he'd be Convention Al

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smallpoly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2022
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Ever since I became a dad I never understood why everyone gets si angry at me

When my kid takes a crap they tell me "change him" and then they question me why I keep bringing a different baby back home

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LaRata59
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2023
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My friend hid my favorite board game, I don't think I'll ever know where he put it.

Now I'm Clueless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Baked_The_Cake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2023
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If youre ever nervous about making an airplane joke...

just wing it, it might actually land!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 313
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tomzistrash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2022
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When is alcohol ever a solution?

When it's Chemistry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RoDev455
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2022
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You all ever hear of the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He used to stay awake all night, wondering if there really was a Dog

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Updated-Version
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2022
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Did I ever tell you about my ex, Ray?

They always could see right through me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMightyBattleSquid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2023
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Never, ever, whisper secrets next to a clock.

"Why not?" you ask.

Just trust me. Time will tell.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2022
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At Thanksgiving dinner, my dad said he’s only ever made two jokes in his life

And they were sitting right in front of him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IcyBreloom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2023
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43 BC and Julius Caesar is about to receive the first ever weather forecast…

… trumpet noises Hail, Caesar!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Oksamis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2022
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If anyone ever asks you if you have any sodium jokes, tell them

Na

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tumalditamadre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2022
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Have you ever been evaporated?

You may be entitled to condensation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CHEESEMASTER3232
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2022
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Ever hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?

You could say he was pretty nuts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mr_Migi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2022
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If you ever forget the rules of chess, you'll be fine.

You're allowed to check.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 405
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoonerBear94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2022
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Have you ever dated someone with a high-pitched voice?

They're nothing but treble.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/greedydita
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2022
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How did Qarth, the greatest city that ever was or will be, know that Elon Musk was coming?

Xaro Xhoan Doxxing told them

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rifleman209
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2022
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You ever notice how there's hardly anyone named Lance anymore?

Back in the day, they used to be named Lancelot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/frostrat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2023
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Do you ever feel insecure about your ability to cook Italian dishes?

Could be impasta syndrome.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ilikesidehugs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2022
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If you're ever being chased by taxidermists...

for god's sake, don't play dead!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Realistic-Twist-3112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2022
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Why can't Luke Skywalker ever give his dad a surprise gift?

Because Vader can always sense his presents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 459
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2022
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if I ever open a wig shop for men, I'm calling it

Hell ToupΓ©e

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevin-milner-music
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2022
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Did I ever tell you that I wanted to go to the beach and swim around wearing a shark fin?

Cause, every girl is crazy about a shark dressed man. πŸ“·

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ordinary_Equal_7231
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2022
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Have you ever eaten a goldfish filet?

It’s a 🀏🏻 little fishy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-Unclean-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2022
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The first people to ever use filled pastry as headphones..

were pie on ears.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nuseht
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2022
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Have you ever noticed that not a lot of people who start canning fruits and vegetables use cans?

Quite frankly, it's jarring.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AFonziScheme
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2022
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This is the best joke about buckets you'll ever hear...

All the rest will pail in comparison.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Putrid_Cucumber_5179
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2022
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Have you ever tried Mythical Cow Milk?

I heard it was Legend Dairy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrumpff14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2022
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