What do you call a fruit whoβs obviously got children?
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︎ May 13 2021
Pretty clever one..
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︎ Jan 09 2020
What does an ent do when it's time for spring?
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︎ Jun 17 2019
Why should you never betray the Ents?
Because that would be treeson.
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︎ Jan 11 2019
A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.
I donβt want him to spreadsheet about me.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil
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︎ Aug 12 2019
I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation
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︎ Sep 13 2020
You can never argue for very long with an Ent.
They always manage to get to the root of the conflict, instead of beating around the bush.
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︎ Sep 20 2018
Someone asked Treebeard if he was proficient with Microsoft Office.
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︎ Nov 30 2020
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
I was walking through town with my wife one day when she pointed out a man dressed like a tree selling $1 hard-boiled eggs,
She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".
I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"
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︎ Apr 12 2020
What do you call a talking tree whoβs good with spreadsheets?
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︎ Jul 05 2019
The trident gave me some really good advice the other day
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︎ Dec 23 2019
How do dryads move through the forest?
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︎ Feb 12 2018
Mother-in-law is in Prison. Need a good prison pun for Mothers Day Card.
So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.
So far I got:
You're ex-cell-ent mom!
I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!
Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)
^((But they're kind of trash))
Ideas from others:
Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15
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︎ May 02 2019
How much does a lumberjack from Fangorn Forest make?
Just enough to make ents meet
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︎ Apr 26 2019
I went to the doctors today and discovered it was a really cut-throat environment.
Great ENT surgeon though.
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︎ Sep 24 2019
Why does water make the best math student?
It's the universal solve-ent!
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︎ Nov 01 2016
What do you call a fruit with kids?
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︎ Mar 20 2018
Merry and Pippin's journey wasn't all that easy...
...I heard they had a hard time making ents meet
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︎ Feb 21 2018
I just caught a walking pear tree...
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︎ Dec 05 2018
Jake wanted to rock climb but quit when learning how to descend with ropes
He found the idea rappel-ent
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︎ Nov 28 2018
Iβve been trying to write a fantasy world.
At first I thought that itβd have two nature deities: a tree-person for the land and a mermaid-like being for the ocean.
My dad suggested that combining the two would be more βa fish-entβ.
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︎ Oct 11 2018
Tablets, smoothies; why do people want their nutrients so fast?
Because the old tree ents were too slow.
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︎ Aug 08 2018
In Tolkienβs Middle-earth,
the forests could be called the
ent-ernet.
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︎ Feb 13 2018
My girlfriend was trying to title her presentation. I'm not a dad yet but... I think I'm ready.
So my girlfriend has to write a presentation about the effects of intense pressure from parents (forced religion etc.) on children. The conversation went like this.
Her- "What do I title this?"
Me- "What about 'Peer-ent Pressure'?"
Groans were had.
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︎ Feb 02 2015
100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
- Allow => A-meow
- Apology => A-paw-logy
- Appalling => A-paw-ling
- Attitude => Cat-titude
- Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
- Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
- Because => Be-claws
- Before => Be-fur
- Bother => Bo-fur
- Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
- Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
- Catch => Cat-ch
- Clever => Claw-ver
- Confusing => Con-fur-sing
- Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
- Different => Dif-fur-rent
- Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
- Familiar => Fur-miliar
- Feeling => Feline
- For => Fur
- For real => Fur real
- Forever => Fur-ever
- Forget => Fur-get
- Fortunate => Fur-tunate
- Forward => Fur-ward
- Friend => Fur-end
- Furious => Fur-ious
- Further => Fur-ther
- Get or Got => Cat
- Help me out => Help meow-t
- History => Hiss-tory
- Hysterical => Hiss-terical
- Inferior => In-fur-ior
- Kidding me => Kitten me
- Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
- Literally => Litter-ally
- Literature => Litter-a-ture
- Lost => Claw-st
- Lying => Lion
- Magnificent => Meow-nificent
- Marvellous => Meow-velous
- Minimum => Mew-nimum
- Misery => Mew-sery
- Moment => Mew-ment
- Mountain => Meow-ntain
- Move => Mew-v
- Music => Mew-sic
- Musician => Meow-sician
- Never => Nev-fur
- New => Mew
- Now => Meow
- Over => Ov-fur
- Paper => Pay-purr
- Pardon me => Paw-don me
- Pause => Paws
- Perfect => Purr-fect
- Perhaps => Purr-haps
- Permission => Purr-mission
- Person => Purr-son
- Personal => Purr-sonal
- Persuasion => Purr-suasion
- Places => Purr-laces
- Please => Paw-lease
- Portable => Paw-table
- Positive => Paw-sitive
- Possibility => Paw-sibility
- Possibly => Paw-sibly
- Precious => Purr-ecious
- Prefer => Paw-fer
- Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
- Pretty => Purr-ty
- Priceless => Purr-iceless
- Prince => Purr-ince
- Princess => Purr-incess
- Puns => Purr-ns
- Purpose => Purr-pose
- Referring => Re-fur-ing
- Respond => Res-paw-nd
- Simple => Sim-paw-le
- Suffer => Suf-fur
- Superior => Su-purr-ior
- Tale => Tail
- Talent => Tail-ent
- Tell => Tail
- Thatβs all => Catβs all
- Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
- Very => Furry
- Whenever => Whene-fur
- Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
- You => Mew
- Apologize => A-paw-logize
- First => Furr-st
- How are you? => Meow are mew?
- Morning => Meowrning
- Phon
...
keep reading on reddit β‘
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︎ Feb 01 2017
I get a weird feeling around people who aren't wellβ¦
I call refer to that feeling as my "sick sense"
I hope that joke wasn't too dull, but hey, it only cost six scents.
Not to be mistaken for a half dozen walking trees from Lord of the Rings⦠You know, Six Ents.
You don't need a sixth sense to know this can't go on forever.
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︎ Dec 10 2016
My wife and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary...
by doing something decade-ent
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︎ Mar 01 2018
What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?
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︎ Dec 04 2016
Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.
For reference: Link to wiki
Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
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Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
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Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
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Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
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Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
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A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
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Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
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A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
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A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
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A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
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Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
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A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
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In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
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Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
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Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
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The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
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An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
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An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
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Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
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A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
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︎ Sep 13 2016
What do you call a congregation of German ducks?
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︎ Jul 25 2017
What's the worst thing to happen to an American politician?
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︎ May 25 2015
Dad got me watching tv
We were watching a show that introduced a concept car based on the shape of a fish's body. They mentioned the car got great gas mileage.
Dad: It's extra e-fish-ent!
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︎ Dec 29 2014
Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is a dad under disguise
I was describing my experience at the ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) doctor to my boyfriend.
Me: So he took a sample from my throat to get it cultured.
Bf: What?! He's saying you're not cultured?
Me: Ugh....... DADDDDD
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︎ Jul 19 2014
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