What do you call a fruit who’s obviously got children?

Ap-pear-ent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/violetPork
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Pretty clever one..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edwardshirohige
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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What does an ent do when it's time for spring?

It leaves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Why should you never betray the Ents?

Because that would be treeson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zspratt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Someone told me to post here /r/Showerthoughts/comment…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baskoffie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What do Ents wear to the beach?

Sandalwood

What do they use to get a tan?

Palm oil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation

And I will die a log.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/willowhelmiam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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You can never argue for very long with an Ent.

They always manage to get to the root of the conflict, instead of beating around the bush.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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Someone asked Treebeard if he was proficient with Microsoft Office.

He said he was ExcelEnt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_goldn_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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I was walking through town with my wife one day when she pointed out a man dressed like a tree selling $1 hard-boiled eggs,

She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".

I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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What do you call a talking tree who’s good with spreadsheets?

Excel-Ent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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The trident gave me some really good advice the other day

A trid-ent true method

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-love-potatos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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How do dryads move through the forest?

They Lumber.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jc_323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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Mother-in-law is in Prison. Need a good prison pun for Mothers Day Card.

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitamorior
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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How much does a lumberjack from Fangorn Forest make?

Just enough to make ents meet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WordenskjoldMain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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I went to the doctors today and discovered it was a really cut-throat environment.

Great ENT surgeon though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcsco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Why does water make the best math student?

It's the universal solve-ent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ericpotter4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
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What do you call a fruit with kids?

A pear-ent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ymay-editray
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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Merry and Pippin's journey wasn't all that easy...

...I heard they had a hard time making ents meet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoon_of_doom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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I just caught a walking pear tree...

In my Pear Ent trap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Jake wanted to rock climb but quit when learning how to descend with ropes

He found the idea rappel-ent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamblingScholar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I’ve been trying to write a fantasy world.

At first I thought that it’d have two nature deities: a tree-person for the land and a mermaid-like being for the ocean.

My dad suggested that combining the two would be more β€œa fish-ent”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biz_Ascot_Junco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Tablets, smoothies; why do people want their nutrients so fast?

Because the old tree ents were too slow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenSeneca
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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In Tolkien’s Middle-earth,

the forests could be called the ent-ernet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_metamax_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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My girlfriend was trying to title her presentation. I'm not a dad yet but... I think I'm ready.

So my girlfriend has to write a presentation about the effects of intense pressure from parents (forced religion etc.) on children. The conversation went like this.

Her- "What do I title this?"
Me- "What about 'Peer-ent Pressure'?"

Groans were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jellymuncher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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I get a weird feeling around people who aren't well…

I call refer to that feeling as my "sick sense"

I hope that joke wasn't too dull, but hey, it only cost six scents.

Not to be mistaken for a half dozen walking trees from Lord of the Rings… You know, Six Ents.

You don't need a sixth sense to know this can't go on forever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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My wife and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary...

by doing something decade-ent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?

Ent-trophy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheresTheWombo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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What do you call a congregation of German ducks?

An Ente-moot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSkipjack95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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What's the worst thing to happen to an American politician?

In DC-ent exposure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Archaetorrhi
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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Dad got me watching tv

We were watching a show that introduced a concept car based on the shape of a fish's body. They mentioned the car got great gas mileage.

Dad: It's extra e-fish-ent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoboTheDinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is a dad under disguise

I was describing my experience at the ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) doctor to my boyfriend.

Me: So he took a sample from my throat to get it cultured. Bf: What?! He's saying you're not cultured? Me: Ugh....... DADDDDD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlovely21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
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