2 cannibals were eating a clown. 1 looked at the other and said β€œDoes this taste funny to you?”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanoutdoorsnyc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why didn't the cannibal eat the guy with no legs ?

Because he was lacktoes intolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Why can wheelchair bound people survive underwater?

because sharks don't eat vegetables

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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9 yo daughter: "You know, dad; I think I have your sense of humour."

Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flayan514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
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Made my dad proud with this one!

Mother and I were talking about a trip I have been packing for, and she asks me a specific question while at the table eating breakfast.

Mom: "Do you have a car charger for the van?"

Me: "Mom, we don't charge the van. It runs on gas."

Mom: glares

Dad: chokes on eggs

Edit: Wow. Didn't think this was that funny! Thanks guys for all the glorious upvotes :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatanUnusualname
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2016
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I pull this dad joke out each and every time I can

When my family and I go out to eat and we get the bill, ANYTIME the bill is for an odd number I hand it to my wife and ask if it looks odd. She no longer finds the joke funny...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greggers42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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My friend's boss dad joked him and didn't even know it.

So a buddy of mine works in a shop and the manager is kinda weird. One day my friend is faking sick to go home early and says to his boss, "I was eating downstairs but I couldn't cause my head feels funny." To which his boss responded with a straight face, "Well did you try eating upstairs?"

My friend lost it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImEnhanced
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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[request] puns about food (info in post)

I have a friend designing a website for a project and in the website it allows you to customize what you want in a meal so it can be added to your cart and shipped to you. On her site she will have a button that picks a random meal for you if you can’t decide.

So she’s been trying to think of funny names to label this button. One idea she has was to label it β€œClick-Nom-Me”. So I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post in but any food/eating puns would be much appreciated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josh_Butterballs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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My sister asked my pop to pass the seafood at the dinner table.

I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.

Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"

Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]

Sister: "Hey, dad....."

Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."

This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/konvictkarl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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My wife isn't hungry anymore...

About to throw some meat on the grill and said "I'm so glad we're married." She asked me why, and I replied, " so this won't be a miss-steak." I think I'm eating alone tonight.

UPDATE: she decided to meat me at the table, grill me about my sense of humor and wine about how I wasn't funny. At least my daughter likes my puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2015
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Clowning around!

My dad once asked me why we dont eat Clowns. I looked at him like he was growing horns out of his head and thought about pennywise and cotton candy...for some reason. After a moment of staring I noticed the slight grin forming on his face so I obliged and said I dont know...

He replied

Because they taste funny!

www.theuppersideofaverage.com

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dwtxranger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Every Year on New Years Day

(dad hears something funny) That's the funniest thing I've heard ALL year.

(Dad eats dinner) This is the best thing I've eaten ALL year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/businessmantis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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Dad-joked by my french teacher.

Just pretext: "un Ε“uf" in french means "an/one egg".

French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?

Response: Because one egg is un Ε“uf. (sounds similar to enough)

It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockingnews213
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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Just now texting with my wife

W: I feel like a zombie, so tired M: But do you want to eat brains? W: No, but I definitely thought I could fall asleep on the toilet M: That would be shitty...

A few minutes pause

W: You think your funny... M: You're M: And no M: I think I'm dad, I've never met a funny. W: Omg I can't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pfunk42529
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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He got us. He cracks himself up.

So, I'm about to eat breakfast at my parents. I ask what kind of bread everyone wants. My mom says, "I like the dill rye bread." My dad replies, "that's because it's made of dill dough!" And they both start laughing hysterically. My parents, ladies and gentlemen. 37 years together and she still finds him funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternium_or_bust
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Whenever my Dad and I go out to eat.

It isn't exactly a joke, it's more of a jerk move that just happens to be funny, but whenever my Dad and I go out to eat, (or whenever we're eating really), he'll always take a bite from my plate saying that he is making sure it isn't poisoned, and if he likes it, he has to take a second sample to make sure. When I was a kid he would do it all the time and I would get so upset, and now I do it to my little brother whenever I take him out to eat, and it makes him so miffed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nozaku
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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My dad seems to think the best time to pick on my boyfriends is at the dinner table...

Here are two of my dad's funniest (most memorable) moments while out to eat...

About five years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I went out for Valentine's Day with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about my brother's ex-fiancee when...

Ex: "Oh, so you guys don't like her?"

Dad: "No, but that's alright, we don't really like [K's] boyfriend all that much either."

Needless to say, it wasn't as funny at the time...

Then about a few months ago, with my current boyfriend, we went out to eat with some family friends. At the time, my boyfriend was employed at an A/C company doing Chinese drywall and was talking with two of the men employed in other construction trades.

Family Friend: "Don't get involved in concrete. Or Construction. Better yet, stay out of anything that begins with a C."

Dad (from the other side of the table): "You better stay out of anything that starts with a K, too."

It's even more ironic considering I happen to have one of those names that's commonly spelled with a C, but my parents decided to spell with a K. But as mortified as my boyfriend was, I have to give it to my dad, that one was pretty damn funny.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/22seaturtles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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I made salmon for dinner last night...

Girlfriend: "I can't eat this it tastes funny."

Me: "Are you sure? I'm certain the label said salmon and not clown fish."

Cue groans and eye rolling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/champthebit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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My worst (best?) dadjoke ever

I was eating lunch at work one day and someone brought in some Laffy Taffy. Before I could even think about what I was saying, I blurted out "I like most kinds of taffy, but Laffy Taffy always tastes kind of funny to me"

I got 3 blank stares and one person who groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Needmorecowbe11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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today at work I found out I'm ready to be a dad.

I work at a summer camp where my ongoing joke is instead of doing activities we are going to real, eat vegetables and do math. one kid did not find it funny and asked why:

kid: why do we have to do math? Do you ever use it during summer?

me: sum times.

I repeated it with emphasis on both words for a bout a minute or so until his eyes rolled.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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My dad and steamed fish (not really a dad joke; just my dad's thing)

Chinese dude here.

Every time we have dinner with extended family, we'll have a whole steamed fish as one of the courses.

My dad will usually be the person to cut up and distribute the fish among the family.

Every time he does that, he'll use the spoon and fork to make the fish mouth "thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" before cutting up the fish followed by this shit-eating grin around the table. No one above the age of 14 laughs.

The younger cousins find this funny and that's probably why my dad keeps doing it every freaking time.

Just my dad's thing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MechBear
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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Joke de père

Im french-canadian. ^^"Hi ^^french-canadian, ^^im ^^dad" ^^done!

Im made an awesome dadjoke earlier but it is french. Im still gonna tell you, cause its awesome, but don't worrie, I'll explain it over and over and laugh doing it, because, after all, im a dad and the same rules apply, whatever the language.

So, the mother was distributing cookies after the meal. One for the daughter, one for me and 2 for her. Doing it, she said "le deuxième, c'est mon pourboire" (the second is my tip) in french, tip is pourboire, but, if you separate the word like so "pour boire" it means "for drinking". So, I said to her "pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger!" (for drinking? Cookies are for eating)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA. FUCK ME, ITS HILARIOUS.

See, its a classic dadjoke in french and I still got her good! "Pour boire? Ben non, c'est pour manger" hahahahah. Cause you don't drink cookie, you eat it. Hahaha. So great. Eyes were rolling all over the place, I almost step on one. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You got it, right? She said, "the second cookie is my tip" (le deuxième biscuit est mon pourboire) and I reply "tip? Cookies are for eating!" (Pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger) HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MAN, its funny as hell!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brunovitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Got my GF while watching Colbert

My girlfriend and I are in bed watching the Late Show with Stephen Colbert eating red liquorice. I asked for one and she tosses one to me. I bite into it and with a grin on my face I raise the liquorice to my ear.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" I grin excitedly.

She turns and glares at me.

"I heard it through the Red Vine!"

She starts to reluctantly chuckle which turns to her laughing and then her beating me with a pillow. While she is doing this, Amy Schumer made a funny joke that made Colbert laugh. "You made me miss a funny joke!"

"What do you mean? You just heard one!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbolek71
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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After an early Father's Day dinner...

Setting the stage here. I am 21. My sister is 3 years old, she calls me "Bubba." After eating entirely too much at the restaurant, we climb into the car.

Mom: I am miserable.

Me: turn around, hand out Hi miserable, I'm 2fat2bebatman!

Mom: gives a "really?" look You might think you're funny, but you aren't.

Sister: without missing a beat of course he's not "Funny," he's "Bubba."

Dad: Wheezy laugh

Bless my little sister.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2fat2bebatman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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Wanna hear a dirty joke? Who built the ark?

A pig fell in the mud. πŸ–πŸ˜‘

Also, when we were little and my sister (I'm 29/f, she's 2 years my junior) would cry and scream and beg about not getting what she want, my dad would always ask her "Who built the ark?" That shit always pissed her off and me too sometimes but it's def funny now.

One more from him .. when we go out to eat he always tries to hand us a straw but it's really just the wrapper he made to look like there was one still in there.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blo0dchild
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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I'm a bit of a picky eater...

...so a 'salad' for me consists of purely lettuce, and nothing else. Whenever I eat it in my school's dining hall, I get funny looks from my friends. Thankfully, my dad taught me this one to help.
So, I tell my friends that my salad is a 'Honeymoon Salad'. When they ask what that is, I respond 'Lettuce Alone'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/intimidatingTim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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Do you have a name for this?

It's not a joke, and for now I'm calling it the "dad switcharoo." My dad would do this all the time. Here's my example:

My younger son does this funny thing with his eyes. I made him do it tonight at the dinner table real quick. Then my older son (WHO EATS NOTHING) said, "Dad I can do the eye trick that $youngerson does." Then I says to him I says, "You need to do the eating trick that $youngerson is doing."

Is there a better name for this? My dad would do things like:

Me (trying to stall before bed): "I'm just reading this real quick."
Dad: "Well read yourself into bed real quick, we have to wake up early tomorrow."

and so forth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiceGuyJoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Two Cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny?"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/z-2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What do you call friends you like to eat with?

Tastebuds

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What do cannibals call clowns

Happy meals...

Jk they don’t eat clowns because they taste funny

Edit: if this has already been posted tell me and I’ll remove it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZianTurner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Got my gf with a delayed effect.

So last night we were brushing our teeth before going to bed, and I ask her "You know why eating a clock is a bad idea?"
She looks at me funny, because she knows what's coming.
"Because it's very time consuming."
She just rolls her eyes, and goes to bed. But because the joke was in English, and English isn't our first language, I think she didn't quite get it.
A minute after she lies down, I hear a loud groan coming out of bed, followed by "that was really, really lame, honey!"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smallwater
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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Taste Funny....

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one looks at the other and askes, "Does this taste funny to you?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/girzim23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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My dad's go to joke, in case of emergencies.

One day some cannibals were eating a clown. One of them looks at his friend and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MIKESHIT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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My dad just hit me with this one.

So I was eating dinner with my brother and his S/O in the dining room as my dad was in the kitchen doing dad things, and as I was telling a joke my dad walked in and told me that my joke wasn't funny. I retaliated with "alright, let's here a joke then."

This is when he looked at my brother and I and said "the only jokes I have is the two sitting at the dinner table"

Fuckin' dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleepz33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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