I told my husband I wanted a Dyson for Christmas.

Imagine my surprise when I saw my son was colored blue on Christmas morning.

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📅︎ Nov 27 2020
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Dyson
👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/Sertyl
📅︎ Sep 24 2019
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Dyson Vacuum
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📅︎ Jul 17 2020
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Purchased a new dyson stick vacuum with my girlfriend today..

As we paid the clerk asked if we would like a large bag for it. I instantly responded with "oh. I thought these new vacuums are bagless?".

Massive sigh from my girlfriend and not even a chuckle from the attendant.

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👤︎ u/xenzor
📅︎ Jan 29 2017
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I don't recommend working for Dyson Vacuums.

They really suck.

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📅︎ May 15 2019
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The Dyson Show -- an unintentional Dad-Joke channel

Before today this guy had 22 subscribes. Since being posted on reddit, his subscriber count is much higher. Regardless, his Dad jokes are unparalleled.

"Do you know which president had the strongest stomach muscles? Abs Lincoln."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_owbX2VkcE

Edit: Au, thanks for the gold!

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👤︎ u/6745408
📅︎ Aug 19 2014
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I hear the vacuum company Dyson is branching out to make an electric car.

I hope it doesn't suck.

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Oct 23 2018
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My stepmom and I were amazed at our new Dyson...I'm an 18 year old girl with dad jokes out the wazoo.
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📅︎ Oct 18 2013
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Why is Dyson so good at making things that suck?
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📅︎ Feb 18 2014
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Oh look, they've got one of those Dyson fans.

Myself and my wife and our youngest son went for breakfast this morning and she spotted a Dyson bladeless fan on the counter pointed towards the kitchen. 'Oh look, they've got one of those Dyson fans', she says. Obligatory Dad reply 'That's kinda cool...'. 'Oh my God', with rolled eyes and attempt to hide behind her menu while I crack up laughing.

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👤︎ u/Chaosblade
📅︎ May 12 2015
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My neighbour named his network "Dyson"

His WiFi sucks

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👤︎ u/denuu
📅︎ Jan 30 2015
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The Dyson Show - dad joke goldmine?

Apparently this guy's YouTube channel is 100s of videos of dad jokes: http://youtu.be/jfC04AAnAb4

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👤︎ u/yneos
📅︎ May 19 2014
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So I've started wearing boxing gloves while I vacuum.

Just call me Dyson Fury.

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👤︎ u/OliPark
📅︎ Apr 12 2021
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What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?

Dyson!

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📅︎ Mar 04 2021
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what vacuum cleaner has no male heirs

dyson

👍︎ 21
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👤︎ u/twitchard
📅︎ Jan 11 2021
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My dad attacked me with a vacuum cleaner today, yelling.....

Dyson, Dyson.

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 13 2020
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All of my inventions suck
  • James Dyson
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📅︎ Oct 09 2020
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What kind of vacuum did Abraham own?

Dyson

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Jul 15 2020
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What did I say when my son tried to unplug my life support to plug in the vacuum cleaner?

Don't do that I'll dyson!

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👤︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
📅︎ May 21 2020
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Which brand of vacuums is most popular amongst anti vaxers?

Dyson

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/IamA3dot14
📅︎ Mar 15 2019
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You don't supercharge a Miata with a leafblower

You do it with a hair dryer...

Cars guys will get it

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ May 24 2019
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What hairdryer brand do antivax moms prefer?

Dyson.

👍︎ 125
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👤︎ u/neloc1
📅︎ Mar 13 2019
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The older you get the more practical your Christmas gifts get. This year my wife and I got a vacuum.

This gift sucks.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/ennsy
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
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Hoovering up the upvotes

What did the father vacuum say to the teenage vacuum as he throttled him?

Dyson!

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📅︎ Oct 11 2019
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You know I once fought the reaper off with a vacuum cleaner.

You know me, just Dyson with death

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👤︎ u/alecroc
📅︎ Jul 08 2019
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Wife and I are driving to breakfast

Me: "So, do you want to go to Blackbear, or the truck stop diner?"

Wife: "Blackbear"

M: "Okay, and afterwards, I want to stop by the Arco (gas station) and use the vacuum to clean the inside of the car"

W:"No, I hate going to that Arco, the vacuum there sucks"

M: "Isn't that what they're supposed to do?"

W: Rage intensifies

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📅︎ Jun 28 2017
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What brand of vacuum is the most prone to filicide?

Dyson

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👤︎ u/Inarus06
📅︎ Jun 28 2019
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My son asked me why you can't go into the vacuum of space.

I told him you'll Dyson

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Dec 01 2018
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The vacuum raised the knife up high, and as he was about to kill his first born boy he exclaimed

"Dyson!"

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📅︎ Apr 25 2016
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I hate nature

Me Talking to a friend today

Me:nope I hate nature i prefer dysons Friend: Dysons? Me: Nature abhors a vacuum.

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👤︎ u/theb1g
📅︎ Jan 14 2016
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First one he's cracked in years! "The grim reaper came for me last night...

I fought him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death."

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📅︎ Sep 22 2013
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After 11 months I created a Dad Joke Masterpiece

The lady, son, and I were in a retail store the other day when an annoucement was made over the PA system.

"Customer needs assistance in the vacuum cleaners"

I lean towards the wife and say, "Well this Hoover sucks. Oh, the Dyson it also sucks. To be honest, they all suck."

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📅︎ Aug 01 2014
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I prefer to use the vacuum cleaner with boxing gloves on

They call me Dyson Fury

👍︎ 29
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👤︎ u/Barderz
📅︎ Aug 11 2020
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What did the murderous vacuum say to his son?

Dyson.

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👤︎ u/ChaseCeer
📅︎ Apr 23 2020
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What kind of vacuum would Abraham have?

Dyson

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Feb 28 2020
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My dad attacked me with a vacuum cleaner today ...

He yelled: "Dyson"

👍︎ 29
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👤︎ u/Correcc
📅︎ Mar 03 2018
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What did the dad vacuum say to the son vacuum?

Dyson.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Jun 12 2017
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The grim reaper came for me last night But I fought him off with the vacuum cleaner

Talk about Dyson with death

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Nov 10 2013
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