so a homeless man spots a well dressed man drowning.

Without any hesitation, the homeless man pounces into the water to save him. After doing CPR on the well dressed man he coughs the water from his lungs, the business man gratefully thanks the homeless man.

The business man says "Is there anything I can do for you? Money is something not out of the question."

The homeless man responds "I'd honestly just be grateful for a job, sir."

So the business man nods "That is something I can definitely help you out with, have you ever had an opportunity to work on a cruise ship?"

A few days later, the homeless man is hooked up with working a job as a janitor for the night shift. The captain of the ship tells the homeless "We just need you working night shift, and since this is a provide entertainment for higher classed individuals, we can't have you wondering around during the day. On the off hand you're pleased to do whatever you please after your shift." The homeless man then nods understanding the situation.

Later during that night the captain is casual watching over the homeless man in his free time, and he's absolutely baffled by this dive he's witnessed. He rushes down to him and explains

"Do you have any idea how insane that dive was?"

The man just mutters to the captain "No? It's was just a simple dive, right?"

The captain examines "In my entire life I have never seen some dive without making a simple SPLASH! There has never been a human alive to this date that was able to accomplish what you just did!"

The man is taken aback for a second and says "So what are you saying to me?"

The captain rambles on more "I'll make a deal with you, every night we're going to take the diving board up, and we're going to put on a show for every single passenger."

So every night they're training, taking the diving board higher and higher, and every singletime he hit the water there isnt a single splash. Then the day finally came and all the passengers flood around the boat to see the dive. So the man approaches the ladder and he just starts climbing and climbing. He climbed till he couldn't see the boat anymore, and he climbed till he could see curvature of the Earth.

And finally he jumps. He's just falling and falling till he passed the clouds then can finally see the boat. His formation falls into perfection. He finally hits the pool and like ever other night there wasn't singular splash. But he keeps going and smashes through the ENTIRE ship. So the man swims around to the side of the sinking ship.

The captain

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 249
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeenezec
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2023
🚨︎ report
Today a man tragically drowned in a bowl of muesli

He was pulled under by a strong currant.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gil-Gandel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2023
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard try and save the hippy from drowning?

Because he was too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stotallytob3r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you drown a hipster?

In the mainstream :)

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteVoids
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2023
🚨︎ report
My friend drowned, so for his funeral we put a life preserver on his coffin

It’s what he would have wanted.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Presence36
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2022
🚨︎ report
A factory worker died when he fell into a vat of coffee and drowned

His wife was quoted as saying β€œat least he didn’t suffer; it was instant”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heranonz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
I had a nightmare that I drowned in an ocean of orange soda,

but thankfully, it was just a Fanta sea :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteVoids
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2023
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the depressed guy who drowned himself in a septic tank?

Police are labeling it a sewercide

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftyTheKid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2023
🚨︎ report
My friend, Jim, drowned last week. We placed a life jacket on his coffin...

It's what he would have wanted.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterGRT
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2022
🚨︎ report
Why don’t sharks eat drowning attorneys?

Professional courtesy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waffle_Pirate_469
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2023
🚨︎ report
I had trouble sleeping last night because my partner was snoring too loud. I put in headphones and listened to some brown noise to drown it out. It sounded like this:

WHOA!! ………. I feel good

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthGoofy27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Do you know the number one reason for drowning?

Water

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hot_Sky_5789
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Why was the cell drowning in medical debt?

He was a Mitochrondriac!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMemeDetective
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who fell into a big vat of varnish and drowned?

It was a horrible death but a beautiful finish.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaebassist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a horrible nightmare that I was drowning in a sea of orange soda.

Don’t worry, I’m alright. It was just a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wal_Target
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vect77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2022
🚨︎ report
Original Joke: where can someone drown in the alphabet

At the bottom of the C

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaggys-soul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2022
🚨︎ report
What did the police office say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4mor2mon0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2023
🚨︎ report
what happened to the chef who drowned in boiling water?

he pasta away :(

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/muzzlim
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the egyptian man that couldn't accept that his son drowned in a river?

He was in the Nile

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loucoloucomelo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the water hole that was sick?

He wasn’t feeling well.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Killerklown1219
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff

Baa-Dum-Tsss

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badger_danger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2023
🚨︎ report
A crane operator saved a woman from drowning in a river.

Its an uplifting story

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hartmanjunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you drown an influencer?

Push them into the mainstream.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeanCav1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2022
🚨︎ report
I used to think I didn’t need to eat healthy as long as I drank a ton of water every day

Then I realized I was just diluting myself.

πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyTroyofTroy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2023
🚨︎ report
I wish.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2023
🚨︎ report
my dad came home sad and told me he lost his job at the local pool as a lifeguard. I asked why?

He said the little blue kid got me fired.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2023
🚨︎ report
My uncle fell into an open sewer and drowned.

His remains were immediately interred.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rachel_Silver
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2022
🚨︎ report
What should you keep on you in case you start to drown?

Soap, so you can wash yourself ashore

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noah_is_a_fish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2022
🚨︎ report
Where is the best place to drown a hipster?

In the mainstream.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InsobrietiveMagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2022
🚨︎ report
My friend died last week. He was working at the brewery when he fell into one of the vats and drowned six hours later.

He would have died much sooner, but he got out of the vat thrice to take a pee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Ugh too much sugar I'm drowning here!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatincomingvirus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a couple of dudes hanging out by the window?

Kurt & Rod.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Static-Unit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
🚨︎ report
An elderly man fell into a hole and drowned

He didn't see that well

πŸ‘︎ 211
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfKhaos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My fish drowned.

I took it for too many walks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paralogicalknife
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who drowned after lighting a fire in his canoe?

He didn't know that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the redditor drown?

Because he was just banned from a sub.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TOMapleLaughs
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2022
🚨︎ report
I tried to drown my fish, this morning

But that sucker is immortal or something

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2022
🚨︎ report
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life

After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"

I asked him, "Are you a vet?"

He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moose_Winchester
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend would often claim they knew how to swim, even though they didn't.

They paid the price by drowning completely in the Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snow_mantra
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2023
🚨︎ report
A cat sailed out to sea one evening and drowned in a storm, losing his first life

He’s an octa puss now

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadt123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2022
🚨︎ report
What’s blue and not heavy?

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranarr_Puffs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Why was the drowning man given Old Spice?

So he could wash himself ashore

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erlennon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out man!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RowanFoxfire
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2022
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy from drowning?

He was too far out, man. ✌️

πŸ‘︎ 460
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InsobrietiveMagic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanguard_The
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?

He was too far out man!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndreT_NY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you drown a hipster?

In the mainstream.

πŸ‘︎ 270
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VonJustin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
🚨︎ report

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