My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "
Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Which eye doctor makes you happy?
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
My doctor just told me that i was color blind
that came completely out of the orange
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.
Things before that is a blur.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
Patient: doctor, I've gone blind
Doctor: I see
Patient: I don't
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
After 6 cardiac arrests the doctor convinced me to go for surgery!
I really needed that change of heart!
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
When do you know if your doctor is a quack?
What’s the difference between a doctor and a priest ?
When the dr touches your nuts it’s strictly business.
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream
I can’t wait to rub it in
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?
I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."
I had pain my knees, but with the help of my doctor, I feel better.
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?
He was having problems with his sin(x)s
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
A sailor goes to a doctor
Doc, I've started getting bad zits all over my ass.
Yeah, you've got a sebum problem.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
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