Defiant Puns

Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".

I always end up spelling it defiantly

Child: Dad, can I rely on autocorrect?

Me: Definately

Ho, ho, ho!

I gently told him "No" at least 6 times, and finally we were at the register. My wife was checking us out, and he asks again.

Me: "Son, if you ask for one more piece of candy, I'm going to go back in time and take away the candy you had yesterday."

He stopped asking.

My oldest son looks at me defiantly and says, "Okay, do it to me!"

{ thinks for a second }

Me: "Fine. Do you remember that Snickers bar you had yesterday?"

Oldest looks confused and says, "What?? I didn't have a Snickers bar yesterday!"

Me: "Exactly."

I pat him on the back as he processes, and we exit the store.

Texting to see if he's going out.

Me: you going to the bar tonight?

Will: Idk, probably will.

Me: no, you definitely Will

No response. Saw him at the bar later.

Edit for potato spelling.