In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.

This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we combat Erection Fraud?

We pitch tents in front of the White House and protest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_strife
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When you are playing Mortal Combat vs Star Wars and your opponent is from Finland

Finnish him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StandardTrack
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Combat Wombat. Doodle I drew at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.

also in the news:

Patients who have died or been admitted to intensive care with Covid-19 have been found to be deficient in a vitamin found in spinach, eggs, and hard and blue cheeses, raising hopes that dietary change might be one part of the answer to combating the disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vodkashana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A man who died in combat wrote his own biography

He was the ghost writer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redhairrachel
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If you die in combat with Jason Derulo, do you go to Swalhalla?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allycat863
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a vintage WWII watch that had the face destroyed in combat

It’s timeless.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbodogx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Mortal Combat voice
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldemeyer14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
🚨︎ report
While in combat, military pilots have a fight and flight reaction.

Yes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capt_McCracken
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daloonik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do pigs learn in the army?

Ham to ham combat

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubberducky4000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The Jedi created a new form of data compression for oral communication during combat

It can store up to a Yoda bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s-dubya
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
🚨︎ report
How can a DJ combat soil acidification?

Drop the Base!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
"Where does a pirate go to learn more about ship to ship combat?"

Boarding school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yayifications
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
🚨︎ report
How did the combat medic get hired at SeaWorld?

He told them he was a marine biologist

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboChrist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did they name him Spiderman?

Because they couldn't name him Peter Parkour.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redman_xitij8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?

A man o' war.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liaeriel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
🚨︎ report
What is the mage's equivalent of mano a mano combat?

Mana a mana

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsProfOak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Batman was fighting two thugs

He was in a combat

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fakipo2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
They've announced the plot for the third spiderman movie!

Spiderman is sent to Australia to combat a new deadly villian and is being called "Spiderman Home and Away"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/John-Waters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the U.S military making missiles out of wheat?

I hear they're bread for combat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanObi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pig that does karate?

Pork Chop

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilbandit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the food fight at the Indian restaurant?

There were injuries to many naan combatants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Two teams fought in a small room using only their outfits and pocket change.

It was clothes-quarters combat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anderswag
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
🚨︎ report
He wasn't alright

The security guard where I worked was a retired Army sergeant who was always joking with us.

One day I came in from a smoke break and asked what had happened to the guy in the parking lot. I said that he looked like he'd been injured in combat or something - missing his right leg and right arm.

I could hear that everybody had stopped working because they wanted to hear about this guy.

The security guard asked if he was still around, because everybody in the building had to be signed in by him.

With a straight face I replied, "No. He's just left."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neurohero
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
🚨︎ report

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