Hugh Grant stars in political romance coming 12th Dec imgur.com/fJOmd5g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VisualShock1991
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Interior dec
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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Why do kids say β€œdec” instead of decent?

They have no cents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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I'm allergic to sesame seeds, so back in Year 3 at primary school, people would tell this joke:

What show is Dec allergic to?

Sesame Street!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?

That they maintain decAurum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CakeEaterMidir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25

For non-programmers: (octal 31 = decimal 25)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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My Uncle has been on a roll with Halloween dad jokes...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jojo9591
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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How many seconds are there in a year?
  1. January 2nd, Feburary 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd & December 2nd.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDDankUs420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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My brother’s first dad joke

This just happened 2 minutes ago.

I’m visiting my brother today , dec 29. His wife asked for some shopping cash and I heard him say:

β€œDon’t spend it all at once, this money needs to last us till next year”

Ps. He’s been a father for 5 years now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/don_Mugurel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My dad just told me a joke he told about 2012

Back before the world was supposed to end on Dec. 21st, 2012 a friend, and employee, of my fathers was certain the world would end. He quit his job, built a bomb shelter, and stocked it with enough canned food and guns for years.

When the world didn't end he called up my dad all pissed off that he wasted all his money on this stuff and he didn't need it, and my dads response:

"Hey man, just relax, it's not the end of the world."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Great_SaiyaMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilboDavins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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