I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I had a date with a demon last night...

But I’m not really into the possessive type.

(My brotherβ€˜s joke not mine)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyXorron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I had my first date last night.

What an underrated fruit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Date night with my wife and as she's reading the menu she asks, "Is anything popping out at you?"

I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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What is a Porcupine's favorite thing to do on date night?

Netflix and Quill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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i have a hicky from my date with a wizard last night

she was a neck-romancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Went to my date’s house after dinner last night and saw she had a Soviet flag covering the entire wall

I knew that was a big red flag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smoothmcdoodles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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What do you call a date night in New Jersey?

A pokin' in Hoboken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatOtherPapaya
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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My date last night gave me some cheesy jewelry.

It was a gouda brooch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/affles001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.

I said no, it's a mandate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunnythebadger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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A Farmer has three daughters and each has a date on the same night.

The farmer sits on his porch with his shotgun across his lap.

The first boy arrives and says, "Evening sir, my name is Freddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

The farmer looks the boy over, and says "sure sure, go on in"

The second boy arrives, and says, "Howdy sir, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she ready to go?"

The farmer looks down at his shotgun, then back at Joe, and says "sure sure, go on in, she's ready"

The third boy arrives, and says, "Good evening sir, my name is Chuck..." KER-BLAM!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamkeerock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I had a date with Oxygen the other night. To get ready, she used an

Air conditioner

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I had my first date last night.

I think I’ll stick to raisins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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On my prom night I tried to be the perfect date...

I arranged a nice car, I acted like the worlds best son in law to her parents and I held open the door when we got to the venue. All in all everything went great. When we got to the party I asked if she would like something to drink, she said yes and I went to get us some drinks. When I got back and gave her the drink she said: "wow! That was fast" and I said that's because there was no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woepie11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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After an accident I have been diagnosed with amnesia. So when I went on a date last night, I asked...

Do I come here often?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.

It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_somnambulist_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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I was over at a friend's house last night and she said she would never date a short man.

I told her that was the height of discrimination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
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What do you get when you spice up date night?

Netflix and chilis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confuseddesi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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I was on a date with a girl from Africa, we spent the whole night talking in her native language...

We just clicked.. -- Jimmy Carr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The--Fonz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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So my friend accidentally set a date with a guy and a girl on the same night tonight.

I guess you could say he's having a real bi-lemma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bivolion13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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Dadjoked my date last night

Went ice skating, she was wearing gloves that were meant to resemble Koala bears. I told her they wouldn't let her in if she was wearing them. She looked at me, bewildered.. so I informed her that her gloves didn't meet the koalifications.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clutchmasterflex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
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Reverse dad-joked my date last night

We're hanging out at the bar, and she accidentally drops her drink and spills it everywhere.

> Her: "I guess I've got a drinking problem" (solid Airplane reference)
Me: "Well, you clearly can't hold your liquor."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaggorama
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
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Not a parent yet but the girlfriend asks if it's okay to book a flight which returns at 1 am on our usual date night.

I tell her I'm flexible and touch my toes. She is not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpeakItLoud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
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Went on a first date to the Aquarium last night

As we approached one of the tanks, I started singing "When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie... That's a moray" points at large moray eel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaptorsOnBikes
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
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I had a date last night

It's a really underrated fruit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBreadSkeleton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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