If anyone gets a DM from me about canned meat, don't open it!

It's SPAM

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SludgePuncher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
When puns slide into your DMs
πŸ‘︎ 374
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshsundquist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Player: β€œThis is Utter Balderdash” DM: β€œWell, Actually...”
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thickhourglass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently DM'd a woman a picture of a couch. Then a dresser. Then a mattress. When she asked what I was doing, I said:

Just moving into your DMs.

This is for you single dads. My friend tells me it works every time.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barelyonhere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
DND Dm dad joke *long* reddit.com/r/gametales/co…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is carpe ??

Why does he DM everyone?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Found in the wild. Seize the day. reddit.com/r/FortNiteBR/c…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtymisMartin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
When I'm splitting a plate of calamari...

...it's squid pro quo.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plushcoots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2016
🚨︎ report
I got a new job monitoring someone’s twitter and Instagram messages

It’s per DM

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ApplewoodWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the most romantic chord?

A7

Because it slides right into the Dm’s

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PossiblyDumb66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you want to flirt with a Harry Potter fan

Just Slytherin' to their DMs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
[Pun Request] Looking for a pun to combine lobster/crustacean with a race car driver/car/track/race.

Title, basically - I need a character name for dnd, dm has required all character names be a pun, and he misinterpreted my initial request to play as a lobster race as a request to stage some sort of actual lobster race.

I haven't thought of anything, and character building sesh is tn, help me out folks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xhephaestusx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
From my recent DnD game, in the local tavern

Bard: I take out my lute and start playing

Druid: I take out my flute and join in

Dm: rolls. Everybody loves it. (Paraphrased. Took much longer)

Me: Hey. Where did you keep the flute? Would you say maybe in the brim of your shoe? Like how some keep a knife in their boot? Please, just go with it

So the lute and the flute from the boot was a hoot

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmndrhurricane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Funny name for a Rat character in D&D?

I made a rat character who managed to lose his name, and now I have to find a new one. I was hoping /r/puns could help me make my DM facepalm.

Helpful information: Is aquatic (half-fish) Stole the core out of a water elemental once. Accidentally killed a dragon. Original alias: Mega Rat.

I know there's a joke in here somewhere, I just can't find it. Thanks for any help!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/markdeedavis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
🚨︎ report
My DnD party mate will make a fine dad one day

So I'm in this DnD party. There are six of us including the DM. Chris is the DM, and the other major player here is Shawn: what you need to know about him is that his character has three arms, plus a bionic one.

Chris: after Shawn has been attacked by a flying enemy and thrown off a pier So you're now in the water. What are you going to do?

Shawn: Does this affect my bionic arm?

Chris: No, you waterproofed it last session, remember?

Shawn: Oh, right. That's handy.

All: groan

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked.

DM'ING a D & D session. Player 1: Talking about one of the books There's no appendix in this book? Player 2: No, the appendix was removed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/villescrubs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
🚨︎ report
During a D&D game

Our party had just been attacked by an unknown assailant.

DM: Roll a spot check

Me: 12

DM: You see jack shit

Me: Okay, I yell, "Jack, this is not the time for that, we are being attacked!"

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warwick213
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Got Dad-Joked during DnD

One of my friends said "I'm going to use a feint action"

Dave (Our DM) replied "Okay, you're prone"

Everyone groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirfungus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.